


Once Upon A Times and Happily Ever Afters

by J2love (kinksock22)



Series: Fairy Tales [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Abuse, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angsty Schmoop, Barebacking, Bottom Jared, Bottom Jensen, Character Death, Cynical Jared, Depressed Jared, Evil Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Homophobic Language, M/M, Oral Sex, Past Underage Sex, Prostitute Genevieve, Prostitute Jared, Prostitution, RPS - Freeform, Rimming, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Spanking, safe sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-08
Updated: 2016-03-08
Packaged: 2018-05-25 13:12:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 40,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6196375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinksock22/pseuds/J2love
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen thought he had everything he wanted - the job and the girl he loved. But a chance encounter with a hazel-eyed hooker makes him question everything about himself and finally realize things that he's known all along.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Once Upon A Times and Happily Ever Afters

**Author's Note:**

> This is another one from sinful-desire.org under J2love written on 6/03/13.

Jensen slows his car down, craning his neck to see down the dimly lit side street. He won’t drive down there, not after the first time he made that mistake, lost and new to town. But he doesn’t need to, can see the tall, too-skinny frame leaning against the building, lit from above by a dim street light. His hips are jutted out in blatant invitation but Jensen knows that he’d have a look of complete boredom on his face. He’d seen it after all, firsthand, that one disastrous night that he drove down 8th street. Better known as hooker alley.   
  
The guy was sweet enough to point him in the right direction that night, after Jensen stammered his way through the excuse of being new to town and lost. Bright hazel eyes danced in the low light and a wide, dimpled grin beamed back at Jensen as the guy chuckled softly and sent Jensen on his way.   
  
That was six months ago.   
  
Jensen drives by every night, praying that he won’t see him leaning against that same building, hoping against hope that he’d managed to get off the streets.   
  
Jensen doesn’t even know his name.  
  
But something struck a chord with Jensen that first night, some deeper want that he’d spent the first 24 years of his life denying. He knows he could drive down that street, pay for an hour of the guy’s time and figure things out finally but that’s not how his momma raised him. He doesn’t really want to examine that part of himself.   
  
And truthfully, he kind of hopes the kid finds a way to stop selling his body to dirty old men – or repressed 20-somethings, like him.  
  
Just as he’s about to move on, no sense in sitting here like a freaking idiot, the guy turns his head, looking right at Jensen. Well, looking in Jensen’s direction, he’s not quite close enough to see eye contact. But Jensen feels it. Feels it down to his damn toes.   
  
He’s stuck, blinking helplessly, as the guy pushes off the wall and makes his way over to the driver’s side of Jensen’s car. He leans against the open window, dipping down to see inside the car. “Hey,” he says around a smile. “Thought that was you. Lost again?” he teases.  
  
The first time Jensen saw him, he was nervous and blinded by the mega-watt smile that he didn’t really think belonged on a hooker. But this time, he actually pays attention to the guy’s face. His heart pounds against his chest, his palms sweating.   
  
The guy is freaking gorgeous.   
  
Sure, he’s a bit on the skinny side, his cheekbones and cut of his jaw a little too sharp. But that doesn’t really take away from his beauty but oddly adds to it.   
  
The smile starts to waver the longer Jensen sits there staring like an idiot, his lips open slightly. He shakes his head a bit, belatedly realizing that he was asked a question.   
  
“No,” he blurts out, wondering exactly when he became so socially awkward. Apparently, hot guys – or hookers – bring out the shy dork in him. “Not lost.”  
  
The guy nods once, one eyebrow raised. “Seen ya drive by a few times. You, ah, you live around here?”  
  
Jensen can hear the apprehension – and the Texas twang – in his tone and he shakes his head. “Not far from here, I guess,” he mutters, lying his ass off. He lives on the other side of town. Works over there too. And because apparently, Jensen’s brain has decided to either take a vacation or gave his mouth permission to open without thinking first, Jensen adds, “I’ve been watchin’ you.”  
  
The guy’s smile drops completely and he stands to his full height. He has never looked opposing before but Jensen could see how he could be, how he could probably kick Jensen’s ass and anyone else’s who fucked with him. “That’s kinda creepy, dude,” he says sharply.  
  
“I don’t… I didn’t mean like that,” Jensen stammers, feels the rush of blood heating his cheeks. He’s so very bad at this. “’m Jensen,” he blurts out like the idiot he has apparently become.  
  
“Sam,” he guy says slowly. Jensen doesn’t know how he knows, but he knows that his name really isn’t Sam. But that’s okay, at least it gives him something else to call him in his head other than ‘the hooker.’ “Well, Jensen, if it isn’t like you stalkin’ me, then what’s it really like? You a cop?”  
  
“No, ‘m a physical therapist,” he answers around a frown. Why does it matter… Oh. Jensen licks his lips and drops his head a bit, heaving a sigh. “Look, man, I swear, ‘m not usually this creepy. Or lame. I just… Ever since that first night, I’ve been… I haven’t been able to get you outta my head.”  
  
Sam smirks and leans against the door with one hip. “Gotta say, I’ve never had a fan that I haven’t even touched yet.” He bites down on his bottom lip, which is already a little swollen, looking like he’s been kissed hard very recently.   
  
“’m not gay,” Jensen hears himself say. And if that’s not bad enough, he adds, “I’ve got a girlfriend.”  
  
Sam smiles, Jensen thinks it looks a little sad, and shakes his head. “Go home, Jensen,” he says softly. “Buy your girl some flowers and take her to dinner. There’s nothin’ down here for you.” He turns to walk away, stops a few feet away and looks over his shoulder. “Don’t come back. Not everyone’s as nice as I am.”  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Jared watches the green-eyed man – Jensen – slowly drive away and shakes his head. Poor guy’s fucking repressed, so deep in the closet he’s finding Christmas presents. Not to mention that he’s so far out of place down here with the scum of the city like Jared.   
  
Shame though. Guy’s fucking hot like burning.  
  
He leans against the side of the building again, heaving a sigh. Gen looks up at him, dark, kohl-rimmed eyes wide and curious. “Don’t tell me  _you_  struck out,” she teases.   
  
“Shuddup,” Jared mutters, shaking his head. “Dude’s repressed. And not really lookin’ for my kinda company, no matter what he tells himself.”  
  
Gen frowns and tilts her head to the side, a thoughtful look on her face. “You sound sad about that.”  
  
Jared snorts and shakes his head. “No, not at all. I mean, I’m sure it’d’a been a decent fuck. Guy was hot as hell. But… Shit,” he mutters, shaking his head again. “He’s driven by here, every night, for six months. Who the fuck does that?”  
  
“Someone who’s afraid of what he’s thinkin’a doin’,” Gen answers simply, shrugging one small shoulder. “Maybe he was tryin’ to work up the nerve, JT.”  
  
Jared ignores her – and the nickname, she’s never going to stop no matter how many times he tells her to – and focuses on the car slowing down in front of them. He tries to suppress a groan. “’s JD,” he mutters, pushing himself off the wall and saunters over to the big, black SUV. JD is a dick – and likes it rough – and he’s old enough to be Jared’s father, but he pays well and Jared needs all the money he can get, needs to get himself and Gen off these damn streets before they get killed.   
  
“I’ll see ya at home, Sammy,” she says, using his street name in case JD is listening. Neither of them want their real names out there.  
  
He smiles over his shoulder at her and gives her a wink. “Sure thing, Ruby.”  
  
Several hours later, Jared stumbles into the small, one room shit-hole that he and Gen call home. He’s sore and tired and dirty; just wants to get a shower and crawl into bed. And possibly never get up again.   
  
Two years on the streets and it’s slowly killing him.   
  
He’s got to do something, and soon; doesn’t honestly think he can take it much longer.   
  
Gen’s waiting up for him – of course she is, she’s his best friend, has been since diapers – and she knows what kind of shape he’ll be in after a night with Jeff Morgan. “Fuck,” she hisses, taking in the bruises and the awkward shuffle of his careful steps. “Really did a number on you this time. Fuckin’ bastard. I swear, Jare…” she starts.  
  
Jared holds up a shaky hand and shakes his head. “Please, Gen, not tonight?” he rasps, his throat raw and sore from having Jeff’s cock shoved down there.  
  
Tears fill her dark eyes and he hates this. Hates that they had to run away – well, that he had to and that she followed – hates that he can’t take care of her like he always wanted to, like he’d promised to. They’re both quiet as she cleans him up from head to toe and – embarrassingly enough – all points in between. Her breath hitches when she sees the damage that he can only feel, her hands trembling when she rubs the antibiotic cream over the stretched, possibly-ripped flesh.   
  
He’ll be out of commission for a day or two at least.   
  
Which means that she’ll have to work harder.  
  
They curl up on the bare, twin mattress, Jared on his stomach, Gen wrapped around him protectively. “It’ll be okay, Jare,” she whispers, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “We’ll be okay.”  
  
Jared hasn’t cried in a long damn time but he feels the bite of tears in the corners of his eyes. He hopes that she’s right, used to believe that himself. But he’s having a hard time believing it anymore.  
  
He takes the next night off but forces himself out the night after. He can’t let Gen do this on her own, can’t afford to take two days in a row off. He comes back around the corner after giving some old, fat guy a blow job, when he sees Jensen’s car slow down. He shakes his head, watches as the man looks his way before continuing down the street.   
  
“Was that your stalker?” Gen asks, laughter in her tone. He looks down at her, his heart breaking at the exhaustion on her face, in her dull eyes. She used to be so bright and full of life. But then again, so did he. Before he can dwell on that – or think any more about Jensen – another of his regulars, Mike, pulls up to the curb.   
  
Mike’s not so bad – definitely not freaky like some of them and certainly not cruel like JD – but he’s got a wife and a whole double life that she doesn’t know about. He just doesn’t understand how one guy can continually fuck – or be fucked – by another guy and continue to claim he’s totally straight.  
  
Oh well, not Jared’s place to judge or question.   
  
He’s just a fucking whore.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Danneel’s in the living room when Jensen gets home, her arms folded across her chest. There are tears in her eyes and Jensen freezes. He may be confused, doubting everything about himself, but he hates that she’s hurting. He does love her. Just… not the way that he should.   
  
“What’s wrong, Danni?” he asks softly, sitting down on the couch next to her.  
  
“I… I called work,” she whispers. “They said that you left over an hour ago.” She pauses, swallowing thickly. “Where were you, Jensen?”  
  
“Just drivin’ around,” he says softly. It’s the truth. He just doesn’t tell her that he drove by wanting – needing – to see Sam. He wasn’t there last night and Jensen was half hopeful, half worried. So he went back tonight, even though Sam warned him not to.  
  
“Driving around?” she asks, shaking her head. “Are you… Is there someone else?”  
  
“No,” he rasps. “I promise, Danneel. I haven’t touched anyone else.”  
  
“You’ve just… You’ve been different since we moved here. And I don’t understand… Don’t you want to be with me anymore?”  
  
“Of course, sweetheart,” he whispers, pulling her into his arms. “’m sorry, honey. Really. I’ve just… I’m going through some things. And I guess ‘m a little home sick or something.”  
  
She nods and buries her face against his neck. He rubs her back, trying his best to comfort her. It’s not her fault he’s a fraud. She deserves so much better but they’ve been together since their first year of college and he can’t just let her go.   
  
Her breath hitches and he feels that familiar pang of guilt. Forcing everything down – like he’s been doing more and more lately – he gently picks her up and carries her to their bedroom. Her eyes are still red-rimmed and glassy and he kisses her – trying not to imagine wide, candy-pink, kiss-bruised lips framed by a dimpled smile. She opens up easily, letting him in – her mouth and then her body – and he makes love to her, holding her close, his eyes closed the whole time.   
  
He’s a horrible human being.  
  
And he needs to figure this shit out before he hurts her even more than he already is.  
  
The next night, instead of driving by 8th street, he turns, pulls to a stop next to the curb. Sam’s there, a tiny brunette standing next to him. They look odd side-by-side, her so short and him so tall, and Jensen can’t help but chuckle a bit.   
  
Sam’s eyes are wide and he looks around quickly before stalking toward Jensen’s car. He looks over his shoulder and whispers something to the girl before wrenching open the passenger’s side door. “Drive,” he commands, turning to look out the back window.  
  
There’s a huge black SUV that pulls up where Jensen was just sitting and he can see the guy in his rear-view mirror. He’s got a slight salt and pepper beard and his eyes are narrow as he stares after Jensen’s retreating car.   
  
Once they’re away from the street, Jensen wordlessly following Sam’s directions, the younger man slumps in his seat, shaking his head as he looks over at Jensen. “What the fuck?” he asks. “Thought I told you not to come back ‘round here, man.”  
  
“’m sorry,” Jensen says softly. He pulls over to the side of a run-down street. It’s quiet and mostly deserted, no other cars driving by. “I just… I don’t know what the hell ‘m doin’.”  
  
“You’re gonna get yourself killed, Jensen,” Sam grits out. “Fuck! I can’t… Okay, so I gotta waste some time ‘fore I can go back or JD’s gonna shit kittens.” He pauses, turning in his seat, one long leg bent so he can look at Jensen fully. “You’ve obviously got issues, dude. I can see that. And hey, ‘m not one to judge, ya now? ‘m just a fuckin’ hooker. But…” he sighs, “but if you wanna talk ‘bout shit, ‘m actually a pretty good listener and maybe I can keep you from comin’ back, keep you breathin’.”  
  
Jensen nods, grateful. “Yeah, uh, that’s… Thanks, man.”  
  
Sam rolls his eyes and looks around them before looking back at Jensen. “There’s a motel about three blocks away, rent’s by the hour. Be safer to talk there.”  
  
Jensen bites his bottom lip and nods, restarts the car and heads in the direction Sam tells him. He gives Sam the money to rent the room and follows him inside, trying not to wonder if Sam’s ever been here with someone before. He sits at the rickety table and looks up at the younger man, watching as he takes a seat across from him. “Who’s JD?” Jensen asks before he can think about it, frowning at the brief flash of… fear… that crosses Sam’s face.  
  
“One’a m’regulars,” he answers with a shrug, the mask once again in place. “He was the guy in the SUV that pulled up right behind you. I’ll just have’ta tell him that I didn’t see him.”  
  
“Does he… Are you afraid of him?”  
  
Sam snorts and shakes his head. “Look, dude, we’re on your dime here. This ain’t therapy time for me. ‘m here to help you get your shit together and talk you into stayin’ on the side of the tracks where you belong. And I only got two hours to do it.”  
  
“How much for the whole night?” Jensen blurts out.  
  
Sam’s eyes widen and he shakes his head. “You can’t… No, I can’t let you do that. And ‘sides, I don’t do all night. Ruby’ll worry.”  
  
“Who’s Ruby?”  
  
“You are a nosy fucker, ain’t’cha?” Sam asks, and Jensen thinks he sounds amused. “The brunette that I was standin’ with. We live together.”  
  
“She’s your girl?!”  
  
Sam rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “Alright,” he mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose. “We obviously ain’t gonna get anywhere like this. Ruby isn’t ‘my girl’. She’s my roommate and best friend. Known her since we were born basically. Our momma’s were friends and pregnant at the same time.”  
  
“If you call her, she won’t worry if you stay all night,” Jensen reasons softly. He just doesn’t want to let Sam go, especially if that JD guy will be waiting.  
  
Sam sighs again and reaches into the pocket of his worn jeans, grabs his phone. “Hey, sweet girl,” he says softly, a beautiful, real smile curling up his lips. It leaves Jensen mesmerized. “’m okay, at the motel. Jensen’s payin’ for the night, okay?” he pauses, listening to her, “No, nothin’ like that. I’ll see ya in the mornin’, ‘kay?” Once he hangs up, he looks over at Jensen and inhales deeply. “’s five for the night, plus the cost’a the room.”  
  
Jensen nods and fishes the money out of his wallet, handing it over without hesitation. Sam quirks an eyebrow, watching him warily. “Physical therapists make this kinda money?”  
  
“Uh, no,” Jensen mutters. “’s… ‘s a long story. Go pay for the rest’a the night and we’ll probably get into it when you get back.”  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Jared takes his time walking to the office, not sure what the hell to make of Jensen. Or his own actions for that matter. He  _never_ agrees to all night; made that mistake early on and ended up in the hospital for three days.   
  
He also can’t believe he blew JD off like that. It’s definitely going to be taken out on his ass next time. But he’s still sore and honestly, couldn’t stand the thought of going with the fucking bastard. And he didn’t want Jensen getting caught in the cross-fire if there was any.   
  
And, if he feels like being honest, he hasn’t been able to get Jensen out of his mind since that first night he showed up on the block, lost and terrified.  
  
Jared shakes his head, huffing a disgusted sigh at himself. This sure as shit ain’t Pretty Woman and he sure as shit ain’t Julia Roberts.  
  
Jensen’s still sitting in the chair right where Jared left him, not that he thought Jensen would leave. The dude’s definitely too polite, too well-refined, to be that rude, even to a whore. He flops down in the chair across the table and pins Jensen with his eyes. “Okay, so long story… Start talkin’.”  
  
Jensen sighs and rubs the back of his neck. “You’re from Texas right?” When Jared frowns, Jensen rushes to add, “I can hear the accent, man. I… I am too.” Jared nods but doesn’t say anything. Honestly, he can’t really hear the hint of home – or what was once home – in Jensen’s voice. “Anyway… Uh, ‘m from Dallas, well, Richardson actually. But, my,” he huffs a humorless sigh, “My last name is Ackles.”  
  
“Holy shit,” Jared blurts out, his eyes wide. “Ackles? Like Ackles oil?”  
  
“Yeah,” Jensen agrees sheepishly, his eyes dropping away from Jared’s. “I… I didn’t wanna follow in my family’s footsteps, so I came out here, went to UCLA, got a degree in sports medicine. I really did just move out here six months ago. With my girlfriend, Danneel. We met our freshman year in college. She’s been droppin’ hints about getting married and I just… Ugh, I don’t know. More and more, I’ve been… confused lately.”  
  
“Maybe ‘s cold feet,” Jared reasons with a shrug. “Maybe you’re just not ready to get hitched.”  
  
“No, it’s… ‘s more’n that,” Jensen admits softly, and now that Jared’s listening for it, he can hear just the hint of that honeyed, Texas twang. “It started in college. I, uh, I never cheated on her, I swear,” he adds earnestly, like Jared is in any position to judge.  
  
“Told ya man, not my place to judge or anythin’,” he gestures to himself, “Whore, remember?”  
  
Jensen frowns, shaking his head. “Don’t… Never mind. Anyway… I, uh, I guess I started noticin’ guys, thinkin’ things I had no business thinkin’, wonderin’ what it’d be like.”  
  
“Okay, so you’re curious. Lemme tell ya, dude. Half’a my business is from dude’s that’re curious.”  
  
“I think ‘s more than that,” Jensen admits quietly, his eyes sweeping up to Jared’s. “I love Danneel, I do. But it’s just not… There’s somethin’ missin’.”  
  
“Maybe she’s just not the right girl? Why’d ya think ‘s a dick that’s missin’?”  
  
Jensen flinches at the word – or Jared’s brass wording – but he still says, “That’s what I’m tryin’ to figure out.”  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Jensen’s amazed at how easy it is to talk to Sam. He’s never been this open with anyone before. Never. And he can totally put the fact that he’s a prostitute out of his mind.   
  
“I… Uh, in high school, one’a my best friends and I kissed at a party. We were fuckin’ smashed. Tommy… He didn’t remember the next day. But I did. I just… I can’t keep goin’ like this.”  
  
Sam quirks an eyebrow and tilts his head to the side. “The other night, you made it a point to tell me that you’re not gay…” he states, trailing off on a shrug. “Why?”  
  
“My family would fuckin’ disown me, man,” Jensen blurts out. A dark look passes over Sam’s face but it’s gone before Jensen can really latch onto it and try to figure it out. “But I can’t… I’m hurtin’ Danni. And I can’t keep doin’ that to her.” Sam heaves a sigh and runs one hand through his floppy, chestnut-colored waves. Jensen wonders if they feel as silky-soft as they look.   
  
“Why not pick up some guy at a bar? I mean, hell, this is LA, man. Believe me, there are plenty’a gay bars in the city.”  
  
“’m not… ‘m not good at that. I’ve actually tried.” Jensen shakes his head, anger returning from the one time he tried that returning full force. “Some dude pinned me against the wall, started sayin’ shit about my cock-suckin’ lips and how pretty I’d look hangin’ off his dick.” Jensen licks his lips, inhaling deeply. “He had a hard time takin’ fuck off as an answer.”  
  
Sam nods, his expression thoughtful. “So you thought you’d try it with a hooker? So that you’d have more control over the situation?”  
  
Truthfully, until tonight, Jensen hadn’t really thought he’d  _actually_  go through with this. But Sam’s point is a good one. “Yeah, I guess,” Jensen mutters, shrugging one shoulder.   
  
His eyes widen when Sam pushes himself up to his feet and steps around to Jensen’s side of the table. His hand is surprisingly soft when he cups Jensen’s jaw, his thumb barely brushing back and forth over Jensen’s cheekbone. “I don’t usually… I don’t kiss,” he says softly. “I know ‘s a stupid thing but I just… I don’t.” But his gaze drops down to Jensen’s lips, licking his own. “But then again, I usually don’t agree to spend the night with someone either,” he whispers before leaning down, his lips sweeping across Jensen’s briefly.  
  
Jensen gasps, his heart pounding against his ribs. It’s not much of a kiss, soft and chaste, no tongue, but it leaves him breathless, arousal burning through his veins. “Sam,” he whispers, looking up at the younger man.   
  
“You wanna experiment with me, Jensen?” Sam says softly, biting down on his bottom lip, his thumb still moving in a slow, maddening arc over Jensen’s cheekbone. “Wanna see if you like cock?” He leans closer, his lips hovering over Jensen’s ear, whispers, “You wanna fuck my mouth? My ass? See if I can get you off better’n your girl?”  
  
“Sam,” Jensen moans, his eyes slamming closed.  
  
“Hmm,” Sam hums, nuzzling under Jensen’s jaw. “Like the sound’a that, baby? Wanna shove your thick cock down my throat, make me gag on it then fuck me hard and rough?”  
  
Jensen pulls away, shaking his head. Forgetting for a moment who Sam is – what he is – he reaches up, trying to cup Sam’s jaw. Sam pulls away, dropping to his knees. “’s okay. You can. Ain’t nothin’ I haven’t had before.”  
  
“No,” Jensen whispers, heart breaking for the younger man in front of him. “I’d… I’d never do that. To you or anyone else.” He pauses, shaking his head again. “God, Sam, that’s…”  
  
“Don’t,” Sam grits out, focusing on undoing Jensen’s jeans. “This ain’t some fairy tale, Jensen. ‘m a fuckin’ hooker. You wanna see if you like guys, I can help you with that. But don’t… Don’t forget what this is.”  
  
Before Jensen can respond, his cock is encased in tight, wet heat. He groans, his legs falling open without direct consent from his brain, his eyes rolling back in his head when Sam swallows him down all the way, his nose buried in Jensen’s pubes. It doesn’t take much – his and Danni’s sex life has been pretty non-existent lately with the exception of last night and Sam’s fucking _amazing_  with his lips and tongue. He chokes out a warning a split-second before he explodes. Sam pulls away, his release spurting across his face.   
  
Sam pushes to his feet and heads to the bathroom, leaving Jensen panting, his softening cock hanging out of his jeans, his eyes closed. He hears water running, jumps slightly when a hand lands on his shoulder a moment later. Sam smirks down at him, holding out a glass of water.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Jared watches as Jensen takes the glass, smiling gratefully. He sits back down in his chair, nervous all of a sudden like he hasn’t been since his first week on the streets.  _Jensen_  makes him nervous. In the span of the hour he’s been with this guy, he’s broken three of his own rules; staying the night, kissing, and no rubber – even for oral.   
  
Leafy-green eyes meet his when he looks back across the table and Jared gets lost in their depth, their intensity. Fuck. He _cannot_  do this. He spelled it out, told Jensen what this was, and what it wasn’t, and he needs to follow his own damn advice.   
  
“So,” he starts, pausing to clear his throat. He’s uncomfortably hard, something that hasn’t happened in a long damn time – honestly, he’d started wondering if he’d ever enjoy sex again – and he shifts in his seat, barely resisting the urge to moan at the friction of his worn jeans on his aching cock. “First time gettin’ head from a guy… Seemed you enjoyed it.”  
  
Jensen rolls his eyes and huffs a small laugh. “Yeah, ya think?”  
  
Jared smirks and shakes his head. “Well, a blow job’s a blow job, not really a true testament as to whether or not you prefer cock to pussy.” He doesn’t know why he’s pushing for this, trying to get more out of Jensen. The other man would probably be happy to curl up in bed and sleep until morning. And wake up still confused.   
  
Before he can think about it – and talk himself out of it – Jared stands up again and grabs Jensen’s wrist, leading him to the bed. He sees Jensen’s eyes drop to the more-than-obvious bulge in his jeans, sees Jensen’s soft cock twitch where it’s still hanging out of his jeans.   
  
Jensen goes easily when Jared pushes him down, silently watching as Jared strips every stitch of clothing off Jensen. Jared’s breath catches in his throat and he damn-near chokes on his own tongue. Fuck, but Jensen is fucking gorgeous; lightly muscled and pale, freckled flesh, broad chest and shoulders, lean waist and hips, adorably bowed legs. He’s a walking wet-dream and Jared knows that once he figures his shit out, Jensen’s going to make some lucky guy very happy someday.  
  
Not thinking. Not thinking. Not thinking.  
  
Jared strips himself next, unable to look away from those dark green eyes, watches the lust, the want, enter those depths as Jared takes off his own clothes, piece by piece. Once Jared’s down to bare skin as well, he crawls up onto the mattress, straddling Jensen’s thighs.   
  
Jensen licks his lips, his hands twitching against the bedspread. “You can touch,” Jared rasps, barely recognizing the husky tone of his own voice. God, he  _wants_  Jensen to touch.  
  
Jensen’s hands slide up his thighs, his hands soft yet strong – physical therapy, Jared’s brain reminds – not stopping until they curl around the sharp jut of Jared’s hips. Jared reaches over, grabbing for his jeans that he left on the foot of the bed. He digs into his back pocket, grabs the lube and condoms he keeps there, tossing them onto the mattress before throwing his jeans on the floor. “Ever fuck someone in the ass, Jensen?” Jared asks, tone a little too soft and breathy for his own tastes. Fuck, he needs to get a handle on his shit, right the fuck now.  
  
“No,” Jensen whispers, his fingers gently kneading Jared’s hips.   
  
Jared licks his lips and grabs the lube, tearing open the packet with his teeth. “Key is plenty’a lube,” he instructs. Maybe if he can make this clinical, educational, it’ll stop feeling like  _more_.  
  
Jensen nods, his eyes wide as he watches Jared. Inhaling deeply Jared turns around, kneeling with his back to Jensen so the older man can see. This certainly isn’t the first time someone will watch him finger himself – everyone’s got their own kinks – but he’s still got that nervous flutter in his stomach. Leaning forward, his shuffles his knees apart more, and reaches behind himself, his lube-sticky fingers rubbing over his slightly-sore entrance. “S-start slow,” Jared stutters, his hand shaking when he presses forward with one finger. He hears a low moan behind him, can’t help but smile. He’s suddenly so stupidly glad Jensen’s enjoying this.   
  
The other man is mostly quiet while Jared preps himself – more than he usually does, or usually gets, but he’s still sore and doesn’t want to freak Jensen out by cringing. By the time he’s up to three fingers, Jensen’s hands are sliding over the cheeks of his ass and Jared’s hard enough for it to almost be painful, his cock leaking where it’s hanging full and heavy between his legs.   
  
Unable to wait anymore, he pulls his fingers away, once more turning to face Jensen. The older man’s eyes are dark and lust-blown, a blush of arousal painted across his freckle-kissed cheeks, his cock hard and flushed an angry shade of red. Jared grabs a condom and rips it open, quickly rolling it down Jensen’s cock as he says, “’mma assume you know how’ta put a rubber on.”  
  
Jensen’s response is a low, wrecked moan.   
  
Jared slicks the rest of the lube over Jensen’s cock before throwing his leg over Jensen again. He grabs the base of his – thick, long, perfect – length and positions it at his loosened rim. Honestly at this point, he can’t even feel the pain from his last ‘session’ with Jeff, just the pleasure of Jensen sliding inside. He doesn’t stop until Jensen’s buried to the hilt, both of them panting harshly.   
  
“Holy fuck,” Jensen blurts out, his fingers digging into Jared’s hips almost hard enough to bruise. Jared kind of hopes there are marks left behind, so he can remember this later.   
  
NO.   
  
Don’t think. Don’t think. Don’t think.  
  
He sets a fast, dirty rhythm, Jensen’s cock hitting his prostate on every thrust and it’s fucking amazing. He wraps one hand around his own dick, his eyes snapping open – when did he even close them? – when Jensen gently bats his hand away and replaces it with his own. Jared moans, his head falling back as he continues to ride Jensen for all he’s worth.   
  
His orgasm takes him by complete surprise, so intense it’s almost painful. He vaguely hears Jensen cry out, “Sam,” and wishes like hell that it was his real name that Jensen was moaning. Jensen’s hips snap up and his entire body goes tense for a few moments and Jared can feel him twitching, come filling the condom.   
  
Once the trembling aftershocks have subsided, Jared reaches down and gently grabs the base of Jensen’s cock again, holding onto the condom as he lifts himself up. Jensen’s a boneless, sweaty heap on the bed, the most adorable, sated smile on his plump lips. Jared forces himself to move, tossing the condom and grabbing a cloth from the bathroom. He cleans himself up before tossing it to Jensen who does the same.   
  
He hovers at the foot of the bed, not sure what comes next. Normally, he’d grab his shit and go but it’s only a little after one and Jensen’s got him for the next five or six hours at least.   
  
A pretty pink blush creeps across Jensen’s cheeks when he peaks up at Jared. “Can you… I mean, I know you probably don’t usually…”  
  
“Just spit it out, dude,” Jared says around a chuckle.   
  
“C’mere?” Jensen whispers.  
  
Jared nods and climbs back onto the bed. It’s a warm night so they don’t bother with the covers, just draping the sheet over them. He sees Jensen hesitate for a moment before grabbing his arm, pulling Jared against his side. When Jared looks up in surprise, Jensen drops a soft, sweet kiss to his lips. “Just… Stay? Please?”  
  
Jared’s not as surprised as he should be when he nods and settles down against Jensen’s chest.   
  
~~~~~~  


Jensen wakes up alone.   
  
He’s not surprised, but he’s sure as hell disappointed.  
  
He sits up, notices a note sitting on the table next to the bed. His hands shake as he opens it, heart pounding as he reads Sam’s words.  
  
_Jensen,  
  
I hope I was able to help you figure things out. If I have, and if you’re feeling the way I’m pretty sure you are, do yourself a favor and go find a nice, sweet guy that’ll love you and treat you right. Don’t come looking for me again. Don’t even drive by. It’s for the best.  
  
Have a nice life and best of luck with whatever you decide.  
  
Sam_  
  
Jensen lets the note flutter to his lap, his chest uncomfortably tight. Yes, Sam did help him figure things out, helped him realize what he already kind of knew, but the thought of never seeing the younger man again hurts in a way he doesn’t think it should. He thought they had a connection last night. Hell, he’s been feeling it since that wrong turn that lead him to Sam six months ago.  
  
Shaking his head, he pushes himself off the mattress and takes a shower, his mind spinning, his heart pounding against his ribs. He knows that Sam doesn’t want him to come around anymore but he can’t just walk away. The glimpses of fear and sadness that he caught last night from Sam won’t let him. Not to mention the pleasure they found with each other. Sam looked… surprised when he came and Jensen wonders whether any of his other customers care if he gets off or not. Anger surges through him and it firms his resolve.   
  
He’s got a few things to take care of first, but tonight, he’s going back to get Sam.  
  
Telling Danneel that it’s over is as hard as he knew it would be. She doesn’t look surprised though. Just hurt and angry. He tells her honestly that there’s not another girl but he doesn’t tell her what he figured out about himself, not ready to open up about that just yet. He tells her he’s sorry, that she deserves better. She tells him to fuck off and storms out. He takes the time to pack her stuff, leaving it sit in the living room and calls her cell, leaves a voice mail telling her he’ll be gone all day and she can come back and get it whenever she wants.  
  
He waits until after 10 before making his way across town. By the time he turns onto 8th street, his nerves are raw and he almost turns around 5 times. He gets there in time to see the big black SUV from last night pull away from the curb, a sickening feeling creeping up his spine. It just gets worse when he sees the panicked look on Ruby’s pale face. He pulls up to the curb and flings the door open, her wide eyes snapping to his. “Get in,” he half-yells.  
  
She hesitates, looking torn. “Are… Are you Jensen?” she whispers.  
  
“Yes, now come on ‘fore we lose ‘em.”  
  
She gets in right away after that but shoots him a perplexed look. “Why’re you doin’ this?”  
  
“’cause I saw the way he looked last night when he mentioned this fucker,” Jensen growls, surprised by his own anger. He’s never been a violent person but right now, he could easily tear this bastard’s head off if he hurts Sam. “Do you know where they’re goin’?”  
  
“Yeah, he, uh, he told me once… Just in case,” she whispers, blinking back tears. “So are you just some kinda modern-day hero or what?”  
  
“No,” Jensen shakes his head, breathing a sigh of relief when they catch up to the SUV. “I just… I care, okay? About Sam, about all of this.”  
  
Ruby snorts, shaking her head. “He told me about you, ya know? That’s how I knew it was okay to go with you. We… We look out for each other and I don’t know how he knew, but he knew you’d be back. Told me I could trust you if I ever needed to.” She licks her lips and turns to face him more. “J… Sam’s a good guy. Please don’t think he’s not. This isn’t what either of us wanted when we came here.”  
  
“I know,” Jensen says softly.   
  
“But just know that he’s gonna be pissed at both of us for this. Especially you.” There’s a bit of humor in her tone and Jensen glances at her. She’d be beautiful if it wasn’t for the sadness that lingers in her eyes.  
  
“I’ll take my chances. Rather have him pissed and never speak to me again than for him to end up hurt… Or worse.”  
  
“JD’s a bad guy, Jensen,” she warns, her tone soft and frightened. “He’s… hurt Sam before.” He can tell by the way that she hesitates when she says Sam’s name that he was right when he thought that wasn’t his real name.  
  
“What’s Sam’s real name, Ruby?” he asks softly.   
  
“That’s for him to tell if he wants.” She pauses, inhaling deeply. “’m Genevieve. Or Gen, if you prefer.”  
  
Jensen glances at her and smiles. “I like that much better.”  
  
This time when she smiles, it reaches her dark eyes.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Jared sighs softly when Jeff pulls up outside his house and turns the car off, not daring to glance at the older man. He knows that he’s pissed, made that damn clear as soon as Jared slipped into the seat next to him. His jaw is  _still_  throbbing.  
  
“What are you waitin’ for, you fuckin’ slut?” Jeff growls. “Get outta the fuckin’ car or I’ll make you.” He pauses, shaking his head. “Bet you didn’t make that pretty boy last night wait, did’ja, whore? Bet you had your ass in the air the minute you got away from the block.”  
  
Jared wants to close his eyes, the reminder of last night painful. He  _felt_  something with Jensen. And that’s fucking dangerous.  
  
“’m sorry, JD,” he whispers. “I… I told you, I didn’t see you, didn’t think you’d be there. Tuesday’s aren’t your usual night.”  
  
Jeff growls and grabs a handful of Jared’s hair. “I know you saw me, whore. You’re just such a slut that it doesn’t matter.” He shakes Jared by the fistful of hair. “’mma put you on your knees, where you belong, teach you not to fuck with me.”  
  
JD drags him out the driver’s side by the hair and tears fill Jared’s eyes. He gasps when JD stops, looks up to see Jensen standing there, tall and strong and beautiful, sees Gen in the car behind him.   
  
Jeff throws Jared to the ground, his hands clenching at his sides. “Come to get your whore, boy?” he sneers. “Well, you’re just gonna have’ta wait your turn. Don’t worry, I’ll leave one hole for you to stick it in.”  
  
“Just let him go,” Jensen growls.   
  
Jared pushes himself to his feet, getting between Jensen and Jeff. He doesn’t want to go with Jeff, but he doesn’t want Jensen involved in this. “Leave,” he half-begs, flailing a hand toward Gen, “Take her and go. I told you not to come back.”  
  
“I can’t just…”  
  
“Yes you can,” Jared interrupts. “Seriously, just go. It’ll be best.” Tears fill his eyes – for Gen, for what he’ll never have with Jensen even if he does survive the night. “Please,” he whispers.  
  
He cries out when Jeff grabs his hair again and starts to drag him toward the house. Before he can get inside, he hears sirens, a cop car screeching to a halt next to Jeff’s SUV. The cop gets out, his gun pointed at Jeff. “Let him go. Now,” the officer commands.  
  
Jeff scoffs and tosses Jared to the side. “Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me? He’s a Goddamn hooker! No one gives a shit about him.”  
  
“We got a call from Mr. Smith here stating that his boyfriend had been kidnapped and was being assaulted. What I’m seeing fits that description.” Jared’s eyes widen when the cop moves forward, his gun still trained on Jeff. “Stay away from them. If I hear anything else regarding this, I’ll toss you in jail and throw away the key.”  
  
Jeff grumbles, shooting a warning look at Jared that makes him tremble, before heading inside. Gen’s there in an instant, helping him to his feet and over to Jensen’s car. Jensen’s smiling, talking to the cop when they get there. “Thanks, Chris, I owe ya one,” Jared hears Jensen say.  
  
The cop – Chris apparently – just laughs and shakes his head. “Fuck, son, you know we stopped keepin’ track’a that shit years ago.” He claps Jensen on the shoulder and looks over at Jared before looking back at Jensen. “But you do owe me an explanation, Jenny.”  
  
“You bet,” Jensen agrees softly. “Beers Friday?”  
  
“Yup, I’ll let Steve know you’re buyin’.”  
  
Jared blinks as he watches the cop get in his car and leave. He turns to Gen and Jensen and shakes his head. “Okay, one’a you two is gonna tell me what the  _fuck_  is goin’ on.”  
  
Gen curls her arm around his waist and pulls him toward the car. “We will but can we do it somewhere else? Before JD comes out and shoots all three of us?”  
  
“Good point,” Jared agrees before getting into the car with Gen and Jensen.  
  
They drive in silence, away from downtown, across the tracks, and pull up in front of a nice, two-story house. Jensen shrugs and shoots Jared a sheepish smile. “Thought we’d go to my place.”  
  
Jared heaves a sigh but follows them inside, flopping down on the couch. His whole body hurts and he has a freaking headache and he’d love to sleep for a damn week. But he needs answers.   
  
“Well?” he asks when neither of them start talking.  
  
“Don’t be mad, JT,” Gen whispers, her eyes filling with tears. “I… I was so afraid when you left with JD and Jensen pulled up right behind and you told me I could trust him…”  
  
“Not to come runnin’ after me,” he grits out. “Damnit… Ruby…”  
  
“I told him my name,” she admits when he stumbles over her street name. “He’s a good guy, JT. We can trust him. Look what he did tonight.”  
  
“I told him to stay away!”  
  
“Uh, hello,” Jensen mutters, waving one hand, “Sittin’ right here, ya know?”  
  
Jared turns to glare at the older man. “Don’t,” he grits out. “I told you… Damnit, Jensen you could’a been killed.”  
  
“I knew what I was doin’,” Jensen argues. He drops down on the table in front of the couch, searching Jared’s eyes. “I… I saw your face when you mentioned JD last night, Sam,” he says softly. “I didn’t… I couldn’t just let you get hurt.”  
  
“I’m not some fuckin’ charity case!”  
  
Gen sighs and shakes her head. “That’s not what he means. Is it, Jensen?”  
  
“No,” Jensen whispers. “I don’t… You can be pissed at me, that’s fine. But at least you’re still alive to be.”  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Sam’s glare softens a bit and he shakes his head. “Who was the cop?”  
  
Jensen laughs and shakes his head. “Friend’a mine since college, man.”  
  
“Is he even really a cop?”  
  
“Yup, also a dirty redneck that sings in a honky-tonk bar during his off time.”  
  
“Jared,” Sam blurts out.  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“My name… It’s Jared.”  
  
Jensen smiles, barely resists the urge to reach out and touch. “Nice’ta meet you,” he whispers.  
  
“Why’d you really do this?”  
  
“You… You helped me last night, thought I’d return the favor.”  
  
Jared snorts and shakes his head. “Dude, I helped you figure out that you like cock, which I’m pretty sure if you think about it, you already knew. You put yourself between me and a psycho. Not even close.”  
  
Jensen turns to Genevieve and gives her a small smile. “My ex left some stuff here,” he tells her softly. “There’s a spare room upstairs. Would ya mind givin’ us a few moments alone?”  
  
“Not at all,” she says around a smile of her own. She stands up and leans down to press a kiss to Jared’s cheek. “Be nice,” she warns playfully. To Jensen’s surprise, she gives him a hug. “Thank you, Jensen,” she whispers, kissing his cheek as well.  
  
When Jensen turns back toward Jared, the younger man is watching her walk away, a million emotions in his gold-flecked hazel eyes. “You love her.”   
  
It’s not a question but Jared turns back toward Jensen and nods. “I do,” he agrees. “But not like that. ‘m… ‘m gay, Jensen. She’s… She’s like a sister to me. We… Well, I ran away from home when I was 18. I came out to my parents and… let’s just say it didn’t go well. So, I told her I was leavin’. Gonna go to sunny California and make a new life. The stubborn little shit followed me.” Jared pauses, swallowing thickly, tears polling in his eyes. “We… It wasn’t so bad for the first few months but neither of us could find jobs, we lost our first apartment. Ended up on the damn streets. I was… I was supposed to protect her, not turn her into a damn hooker.”  
  
“Jared…”  
  
“No,” Jared grits out, shaking his head. “I appreciate what you did tonight, I really do. I don’t think… I don’t honestly know if I would’a made it out alive this time, he was so pissed. But I won’t be a charity case. I won’t… You got a guilty conscience ‘cause you cheated on your girl or you’re worried ‘bout what you’re rich parents’ will say ‘bout havin’ a gay son, I don’t care what it is, I won’t…”  
  
Jensen leans forward and grabs Jared’s cheeks, slamming their lips together. “I don’t feel sorry for you,” Jensen growls. “I hate what’s happened to you but that’s different. I want to help you ‘cause I care, damnit.”  
  
“You don’t even know me,” Jared whispers.  
  
“I’d like to,” Jensen counters, just as softly. “But if not, then I wanna be your friend. I wanna help you both.” He pauses, shaking his head, snorting out a humorless laugh. “I got more money than I know what to do with, Jared. Technically, I’d never have to work a day in my life if I didn’t want to. But I like my job. So my parents’ money is just sitting in some bank somewhere, drawing interest.” He stops again, searching Jared’s eyes. “Let me help? Please? Let us get to know each other. As friends, as whatever.”  
  
Jared shakes his head, his brow furrowed. “You can’t be real,” he mutters.  
  
“I assure you I am,” Jensen teases.  
  
“You told Chris I was your boyfriend,” Jared says softly. “Aren’t you worried ‘bout that?”  
  
“Considering that Chris has thought – or well, I guess known – that I was gay before I even figured it out? No, not really. I’ll have’ta explain some things to him but I’m not worried.” He inhales deeply, exhales slowly. “What worries me is letting you walk out that door, knowing that no matter what Chris said, JD will come after you, and probably Gen, the first chance he gets. He doesn’t know me, doesn’t know where I live, you’d be safe here.”  
  
“I… Let me think about it?” Jared asks softly.  
  
Jensen nods, giving Jared a small smile. “The guest room has a queen sized bed. You might have to squeeze in, but I’m sure there’d be room for you and Gen.”  
  
Jared licks his lips, chewing on the bottom one for a moment. “What if I don’t wanna stay with Gen in the guest room tonight?” he whispers.   
  
“You’re more’n welcome in my room,” Jensen rasps, already feeling most of the blood in his body head south. “’s up to you.”  
  
“I don’t… I don’t know what ‘mma do yet. But I do know that I… Once wasn’t enough,” he admits, shaking his head. “’s been a long fuckin’ time since I enjoyed sex, man. But last night… It was fuckin’ amazin’.” He licks his lips again, his eyes darkening. “Wanna see if that was just a fluke.”  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Jared honestly doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing, or what he’s even thinking.  
  
Sure, Jensen has been great, sweet and kind and perfect, but Jared knows better than anyone that no one’s perfect, that the truth will come out eventually. He keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop, because it always does. There’s no way that Jensen can be serious about wanting to help not only him but Gen as well. He’s just… thinking with his dick or something, finally admitted to himself that he’s gay and latched onto the first piece of – literal – ass that he got.  
  
But Jared will worry about that tomorrow.  
  
Tonight, he wants to be in Jensen’s bed, in his arms, and maybe get to feel human again, like Jensen made him feel last night.   
  
Licking his lips, Jared reaches out, grabs Jensen’s wrist. “Where’s your room?” he rasps.  
  
“Down the hall,” Jensen damn-near whispers, swallows thickly. Jared watches the bob of his Adam’s apple, wants to bite and lick the sweat-salty skin. He didn’t get much of a chance to taste Jensen last night and he wants to remedy that tonight.   
  
Jared nods and stands up, Jensen leaning so close that his face ends up mostly in Jared’s crotch. He reaches down, tracing one finger over Jensen’s plump, perfect mouth, imagines it stretched wide around his cock. It’s a nice damn image.  
  
He gasps when Jensen leans forward even more, nuzzling his nose into the crease of Jared’s thigh, turns his head and rubs his cheek against the long, hard line of Jared’s cock. Jared grips the back of Jensen’s neck, squeezing the muscle there gently. Jensen looks up at him, eyes wide and dark, his lips softly parted. He fucking breathtakingly beautiful and Jared wonders again what the hell he’s doing. He knows that Jensen is going to break his heart.   
  
Jensen’s hands slide up his hips, barely pushing his shirt up, those lips he’s been fantasizing about pressing against the sensitive skin above the waist of his jeans. Jared sways slightly, his cock harder than he can ever remember it being, and lightly runs his fingers through Jensen’s short hair. “Jared,” Jensen whispers against his abs, licking across to his hipbone, and Jared’s lost, falling without the hope of someone being there to catch him.  
  
“Jensen,” Jared groans softly, his hips trembling, his whole body shaking, beneath this man’s touch.  
  
Jensen gets up, wrapping one arm around Jared’s waist to pull him against his chest, and licks his lips. “Shh,” he coos softly, leaning in to nuzzle under Jared’s jaw. “’mma take care’a you. Show you how good it can be. How it’s  _supposed_  to be.”  
  
Jared snorts out a chuckle and shakes his head. “One time and you’re all of a sudden a gay sex expert?”  
  
Jensen pulls back just enough to look at him, a serious look settling on his face. “No,” he mutters. “But I do know how to be with someone I care about, how to take care of someone.”  
  
Jared’s long closed off heart skips a beat and he shakes his head. “Don’t do that,” he whispers, hating that his voice comes out soft and weak when he meant it to be strong and forceful.  
  
“What? Be honest?”  
  
“No, don’t pretend this is something it’s not. It’s sex, Jensen. Fucking. It’s not romantic or makin’ love or any of those other cheesy things that you did with your girl. I don’t… I don’t need that. I just wanna get fucked, man. It was good last night and I want that again. Fuck, dude, I thought I was gonna die tonight, kinda wanna feel alive for a bit before reality sets in.”  
  
Jensen shakes his head, his eyes softening. “God, Jared,” he breathes. “How can you live feelin’ like this? Don’t you want love? Want someone to hold you and treat you right?”  
  
“That kinda shit doesn’t happen to people like me in real life, Jensen,” Jared grits out, forcefully ripping himself out of Jensen’s arms. “This isn’t a fuckin’ movie, man! You’re not some amazing leading man that’s gonna sweep the poor but good-at-heart hooker off his feet and ride off in the sunset. This is real. And it’s gritty and it’s ugly. I’ve done things that would make you sick, make you hate me, because I  _had_  to, because I needed to. I took the sickos and the weirdoes and all the shit that comes with it, to try’n get me and Gen off the streets. She deserves more.”  
  
“So do you,” Jensen argues softly.  
  
“No I don’t!” Jared yells, running one trembling hand through his hair. “’s my fault…” he adds miserably but he stops himself before he says anything else. He hates that sad, pitiful look that’s taken over the lust in Jensen’s eyes. “Fuck this. ‘m goin’ to bed. Thanks again for doin’ what you did and for the place to stay. We’ll be gone in the mornin’.”  
  
Jensen grabs his wrist and slams him against the wall, the strong line of his body pressing against Jared from knee to chest. Jared inhales deeply, holding his chin high, despite the warring lust and fear in his mind. “What’re you gonna do, Jensen? You gonna smack me around? Treat me like the whore I am?”  
  
God, he doesn’t know why he’s taunting Jensen, why he’s pushing him, why he wants Jensen to prove him right, prove that he’s not as fucking perfect as he seems.  
  
Jensen makes a small, wounded noise in the back of his throat, his eyes shiny-wet when he looks back up at Jared. “I could never,” he whispers hoarsely. “No matter what. Even if I didn’t care… Anyway, ‘m not that kinda person, Jared. Not everyone is like the kinda scum that comes to you, looking for what you can offer.”  
  
“You came to me,” Jared reminds, hating the way his chin is wibbling just slightly. “You drove down that street, every fuckin’ night for six months,” Jared smirks when Jensen’s eyes widen, “Oh yeah, I knew. You weren’t exactly bein’ subtle, man. And when you finally got your head out of your ass long enough to realize that you’ve been lyin’ to your girl, yourself, you came to me, lookin’ for what I have to offer. A quick, easy fuck. That’s all I am, Jensen. Get it in your damn head.”  
  
Jensen growls low in his throat and pushes Jared harder into the wall. “That’s not true,” Jensen grits out. “I’ve seen you with Gen. Even just that little bit of time and I can tell that you care about her, that you’d do anything for her.” Jensen pauses, bringing up one hand to cup Jared’s jaw. “’s not your fault,” he whispers. “What happened to the two’a you. It was shitty luck, man. But you’ve kept her safe…”  
  
“She… I turned her into a whore,” Jared argues weakly, miserably. “She… She has’ta sell her body…” he breaks off, shaking his head, tears stinging his eyes. “Please, lemme go… I can’t…”  
  
He can’t be around Jensen. The man makes him feel too much. Fuck, he just makes Jared  _feel_  and he can’t afford that.  
  
Jensen leans forward, pressing a soft kiss to the side of Jared’s lips, letting their foreheads press together. “’s okay, Jared,” he soothes softly. “I can help. If you’ll let me. We don’t… Thing don’t have to go any further between us… I understand that you see me as just another guy that took advantage of you, as another one of your customers but I want to help you, both of you.”  
  
~~~~~~  
  
A sob rips from Jared’s throat, startling Jensen. Instinct takes over and he wraps the younger man in his arms, holding him against his chest, letting Jared cry it all out. Jared’s a messy crier, all red face and snot and big, fat tears, but Jensen doesn’t care, just holds him closer.   
  
“You’re not,” Jared gasps, his breath hitching in his chest. “You’re nothin’ like any of the others. And that’s… That scares me, Jensen.” He pauses, sucking in a huge breath. “ _You_  scare me.”  
  
Jensen frowns, shaking his head. “I don’t mean to,” he says softly against the top of Jared’s head where he’s awkwardly bent over, his head heavy on Jensen’s shoulder. “I could love you,” he adds, mostly a whisper. “I think part of me already does.”  
  
Jared chokes on another sob, trying to pull away. “Don’t say that,” he begs. “Please. You don’t even know me.”  
  
“I know,” Jensen agrees quietly. “But what I do know about you… I know it’s crazy, Jared, believe me. I know. But I think I fell half-way to love with you that very first night I saw you.”  
  
Jared snorts and shakes his head. “You’re just… You’re fixating on me, because I was your first.”  
  
“I was hardly a virgin before you, Jared.”  
  
“No, but you finally let yourself go, let yourself be yourself. You’re thinkin’ with your dick, man.”  
  
“’m not, I promise.” Jensen pauses, inhaling deeply. “I know that you don’t… That you have trouble believin’ in people, and I don’t blame you for that. And I know ‘m pushing too much, too hard. And ‘m sorry for that. I won’t… I’ll just be your friend, if that’s what you need. But please let me help you.”  
  
“I’ll think about it,” Jared whispers, finally pulling himself away from his hiding spot against Jensen’s neck. He wipes at the tears still slowly creeping down his cheeks and shakes his head. “’m tired,” he adds, soft and apologetic, and for the first time, he looks so fucking  _young_.  
  
Jensen frowns, his brow furrowing. Jared told him that he left home when he was 18. He can’t be much older than that now. “How long have you…” Jensen trails off, unsure how to finish that question.  
  
“How long have I been on the street?” Jared supplies. “Two years.”  
  
“Jesus Christ,” Jensen mutters, dropping his arms. “You’re only 20…” he trails off again, shaking his head. “You’re a freakin’ kid.”  
  
Jared snorts. “Ain’t been a kid in a long damn time, Jensen. Long before I came here even.” There’s a dark look in Jared’s eyes that Jensen doesn’t really like, knows that there’s a huge part of the story he’s missing. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, don’t look at me like that.”  
  
Jensen sighs, his shoulders dropping. “’m sorry,” he whispers. “I, uh, I’ll just let you go to bed.”  
  
He turns away, stopping when Jared grabs his wrist. He looks down at Jared’s hand on him, then up to Jared’s face. “Is that offer still available?” Jared asks, soft and meek.  
  
“Yeah,” Jensen sputters out, surprised. “I didn’t think… Thought you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me.”  
  
Jared smiles – it’s small, just a hint of dimples, but it’s real. “Told you that I just want one night before reality crashes back in. I don’t… We can still… ya know, if you want.”  
  
Jensen pulls him back into his arms, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Someday ‘mma show you that with me, it’s about what we both want.”   
  
Jared doesn’t argue, just shakes his head and rolls his eyes, but lets Jensen pull him down the hallway to his bedroom. Jensen doesn’t say anything either, figuring that they’ve both had enough for one night. He just hopes that Jared takes him up on his offer, gives him a chance to show him that he means everything he said.  
  
Jared strips down to worn, thread-bare boxer briefs, not even seeming to notice Jensen staring – or if he sees, it doesn’t bother him. Jensen supposes it’s because he’s used to people looking, objectifying him. He hates it, hates what Jared’s been through and what it’s done to him. But, even though he thought it would, the fact that Jared was a prostitute doesn’t really bother him. He knows it wasn’t Jared’s choice, he did what he had to do to survive, to take care of Genevieve.  
  
Jared smirks when he catches Jensen’s eyes, shaking his hair off his forehead. He doesn’t say anything as he climbs into Jensen’s bed, lying on his side, head propped up on his fisted hand. “You gonna stand there all night?” Jared asks softly, his other hand sliding across the mattress.  
  
Jensen shakes his head, blinking a few times. Jared stretched out, long and lean and tan and fucking  _gorgeous_  in his bed is something that he can get used to, wants to get used to it. He quickly shucks his own clothes, crawling onto the mattress next to Jared. He tries to not think about that fact that just a few nights ago he made love to Danneel for the last time on this very bed, focuses his whole attention on the man lying there now.   
  
Jensen smiles and pulls Jared into his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. He slides his hand into Jared’s silky-soft hair, his eyes fluttering closed. He feels Jared’s lips against his chest, sliding over his collarbone and he can’t help but moan, scratching lightly at Jared’s scalp. “We don’t have to,” he whispers, even though he wants nothing more than to have Jared again, for real this time, not because he’s paying and Jared is trying to help him figure shit out.  
  
“Wanna,” Jared mutters, his lips and tongue moving lower, catching Jensen’s nipple between his teeth, nipping just this side of painful. Jensen gasps, his back arching slightly, pushing his chest toward Jared. Jared chuckles softly, the sound vibrating through Jensen’s whole body.   
  
Jared moves his way down the midline of Jensen’s chest, licking over his pecs and abs, through the trail of hair below his belly button, not stopping until he gets to the waist of Jensen’s boxers. He looks up, hair falling into his lust-blown hazel eyes, his cheeks flushed pink. Jensen doesn’t think, just grabs Jared under the arms and flips them over, resettling so that he’s lying mostly on top of Jared. Those dark, mesmerizing eyes are wide and Jensen thinks he sees apprehension there and that won’t do.  
  
He leans down and kisses Jared, slow and thorough, his tongue slipping inside to tangle around Jared’s. When he pulls back, they’re both panting slightly, sweat-slicked chests heaving, brushing together. “Lemme? Please, Jared? You… I just wanna take care’a you, make you feel good.”  
  
Jared nods once, a brief jerk of his chin, a thoughtful look in his eyes now. The first time they were together, Jared controlled everything, even though he was the one getting fucked, and Jensen wants this time to be different. He wants to worship Jared, wants to taste him and sink his fingers inside that tight, perfect ass, wants to be the one to work him open for his cock, wants to hold Jared while he rocks into him and makes him come.  
  
He meant what he told Jared. He may not be a gay sex expert but he’s pretty good at taking care of his lover. At least, he’s pretty sure he is. Danneel – or any of the other girls he’s been with – had never complained.   
  
~~~~~~  
  
Jensen slowly works his way down Jared’s chest, pausing to lick and suck and bite at each nipple in turn, making Jared’s head spin. Not every customer he’s had in the last two years has been a total dick, some of them actually cared about Jared getting off, but it was always secondary. Before last night with Jensen, it’d been a long damn time since he’d gotten horny – let alone hard – just from giving someone head. Mostly, he’d always done what he had to do, taking whatever they wanted to do to him.  
  
Jensen’s touch is gentle, soft and sweet and Jared bites down on his bottom lip. He doesn’t know if he can really handle sweet and soft and gentle, it makes him want to believe this is real, it makes him want things that he can never have. No matter what Jensen tries to convince him of.  
  
“Dude, not a freakin’ girl,” he mutters when Jensen licks over his ribs.   
  
Jensen chuckles, one hand lightly grabbing Jared’s dick through his worn boxers. “Believe me,” he drawls, tone whiskey-rough and deep, husky with that honeyed Texas twang, and Jared’s whole body trembles in response. “I know you ain’t a girl.”  
  
Jared rolls his eyes, a snarky comment on the tip of his tongue, until Jensen dips his tongue into his belly button and whatever Jared was going to say flows out of his mind. Jensen’s fingers curl around the waist of his briefs, looking at him through his lashes, eyes heavy-lidded and dark. “Can I?” he asks softly, tugging pointedly at Jared’s shorts.  
  
Jared licks his lips and nods, raising his hips to let Jensen strip the last barrier from him. He’s self-conscious and nervous – like the virgin he hasn’t been in  _way_  too fucking long. He knows that he’s too tall, too skinny, the points of his hips jutting out, his ribs visible when he breathes.   
  
He squirms, fighting the urge to cover himself. Jensen mouths at his hipbone, moaning deep in his throat. “Fuck, Jared,” he groans, nipping bone, the cut of muscle. “So fuckin’ gorgeous, man.”  
  
Jared opens his mouth to argue but once again, Jensen’s mouth cuts off whatever he was going to say. Those plush, wet-dream inducing lips move down to his balls and Jared moans, his legs flopping open obscenely wide. Jensen looks up at him again, licking a wide stripe up the underside of his cock. “I don’t… I’ve never… But, fuck, gotta taste you, Jared.”  
  
Jared nods, watching through wide eyes as Jensen’s lips slide over the tip of his cock. It’s not great, a little sloppy, a little too much teeth, but Jensen is enthusiastic and takes direction well and it’s somehow perfect in its imperfection. Jared  _likes_  that Jensen hasn’t done this before, that it’s his cock the older man is learning on.   
  
He feels his release burning low in his stomach, so freaking close, but he doesn’t want to come like this, wants to have Jensen inside him again. “Jensen,” he gasps, grabbing the back of his neck. “Gotta stop,” he pants, breathlessly.  
  
Jensen pulls away, licking over the thick, sensitive vein one last time and Jared’s hips twitch, his cock bobbing toward Jensen’s perfect mouth. Jensen kisses his way back up Jared’s chest, his hips settling perfectly between Jared’s spread thighs. Jensen’s lips are swollen-red and spit-slick and Jared doesn’t think, grabs the sides of his head and smashes their lips together, thrusting his tongue into Jensen’s mouth, chasing his own flavor lingering there.  
  
He pulls away after a few long, glorious moments, blinking up at Jensen. “Fuck me,” he blurts out. “Please, Jensen, wanna feel you again. Please.” He doesn’t care that he’s begging, just wants Jensen inside him so fucking  _bad_.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Jensen had been trying to take this slow, to show Jared how good things can be but the younger man’s begging undoes him. He reaches over to the table beside the bed and grabs the lube and condoms he keeps there, dropping them on the mattress next to Jared’s hip. Jared looks up at him, still wide-eyed and panting, but a smirk curls up his kiss-bruised lips. “What’cha doin’ with that stuff, man?”  
  
Jensen feels a blush heating his cheeks, glaring down at Jared when he chuckles and pokes one of those long, slender fingers against his blood-warm skin. “I, uh… Well, the rubbers are self-explanatory, dude. And the lube…” he trails off, shrugging a shoulder.  
  
“Cleanin’ the pipes?” Jared teases.  
  
Jensen’s face heats even more and he dips his head, mouthing at the hinge of Jared’s jaw. “Partly,” he mutters.  
  
“Oh,” Jared breathes, arching his head back. “Little lady couldn’t handle what you’re packin’?” Jensen pulls away, frowning slightly. Jared sighs, shakes his head. “I didn’t… I wasn’t tryin’ to be a dick,” he murmurs. “I’ve  _felt_  what you’re packin’, remember? And if I was a girl, I’d insist on some extra as well.”  
  
“Can we please not talk about this anymore?” Jensen whispers.  
  
“Sorry, man,” Jared says softly, leaning up to press a kiss to his down-turned lips. “Didn’t mean to embarrass you. Although it’s _really_  not something to be embarrassed about.”  
  
Jensen kisses him again, just to get him to shut up, his hand curling around the bottle of lube. Thankfully, Jared’s quiet when he pulls away, watching him silently as he slicks up his fingers. Jared’s breath hitches when Jensen’s lube-slick fingers slide over his balls, the tips barely circling around his rim. He’s tight when Jensen slowly pushes forward with his index finger, a soft gasp escaping his parted lips.   
  
Jared grins sheepishly when Jensen looks up at him and shrugs a shoulder. “I haven’t… Not since you.”  
  
For some reason, that surprises Jensen, while pleasing him deeply. A possessiveness he has no right to feel uncurls inside him, the urge to own Jared – heart, body and soul – huge and dangerous. Forcing those thoughts away, he focuses on the task at hand, slowly, thoroughly prepping Jared.   
  
Jared squirms beneath him, his hips rocking down against his hand, his cock hard and leaking against his abs, his chest heaving. “Jensen,” he moans, harsh and freaking  _wrecked_. “Please… Fuck, please…”  
  
Jensen licks his lips and nods, carefully pulling his fingers away, ignoring the soft, almost-hurt whimper from Jared’s bitten-red lips. He grabs a condom, his fingers shaking as he rips it open and rolls it down his painfully hard cock. Jared’s legs flop open even more, a wild, desperate look in his dark, hazel eyes. Jared inhales deeply, his breath hitching when Jensen lines up and presses forward, just the tip of his blood-thick length breaching Jared’s entrance. “’s okay, baby,” Jensen whispers, not even sure what he’s saying. “’m here, I got’cha.”  
  
Jared blinks rapidly, a slight sheen of tears glittering in his eyes, but he settles, lets Jensen slide inside him all the way to the hilt. The heat and pressure is amazing, just like last night, but this feels like so much more. He and Jared are doing this because they  _want_  to. And no matter how much Jared protests, he knows that the younger man feels something for him as well, he’s just afraid of what he’s feeling.  
  
Jensen sets a steady, even rhythm, one hand buried in Jared’s hair, the other gripping high up on his thigh. Jared’s long arms are wrapped around his waist, his hips snapping up to meet Jensen thrust for thrust. “Fuck,” Jared groans, his head arching back. “Right there, Jen.  _Right fuckin’ there_. Feels so Goddamn good.”  
  
Jensen hums in response, letting go of Jared’s thigh to shove his hand between their sweat-slick stomachs, curling his fingers around Jared’s thick, beautiful cock. Jared moans filthily, his eyes fluttering closed. “’m close,” he warns breathlessly.  
  
Jensen picks up the pace of his hips, damn close himself. Jared cries out, his back arching, his cock twitching when he shoots warm and sticky between them. The delicious fluttering of Jared’s inner muscles, the look of sheer pleasure twisting his features, and the softly moaned “Jensen”, all conspire together to push Jensen over the edge a few heartbeats behind.   
  
“Fuck… Jared,” he growls, leaning down to smash their lips together, shoving his tongue inside Jared’s hot, wet mouth. Jared kisses him back, just as urgent, his whole body still trembling beneath Jensen. He carefully reaches down between them, gripping the base of the condom, as he pulls away. Jared hisses, his eyes squeezing closed. “You okay?” Jensen asks, concerned, as he pulls Jared into his arms, against his chest.   
  
“Yeah,” Jared breathes. “A little sore,” he admits. “But in a good way.” Jensen frowns, trying to pull away to check on his lover. “Seriously, Jensen,” Jared mutters. “Stop lookin’ at me like that. ‘m fine. Fuck, had a lot fuckin’ worse, man.”  
  
“That’s not the point, Jared,” Jensen argues softly. “I… I didn’t wanna hurt you.”  
  
“You didn’t. ‘m a little sore. It happens after ass sex. Just…” he huffs a sigh, “Chill out and enjoy the afterglow, dude.”   
  
~~~~~~  
  
Thankfully, Jensen doesn’t argue – or fret – anymore, settling down against the mattress, falling asleep almost instantly. Jared lays awake, watching him for a long time.  
  
The amazing sex wasn’t a fluke. Jared doesn’t really know what to make of that. But it doesn’t change anything. Just because Jensen is apparently a sex God doesn’t change facts. Jared can’t let himself get caught up in the fairy tale, the fantasy. When Jensen gets to know him,  _really_  know him, he’ll bolt. When he finds out some of the shit Jared’s done… He’ll run for the hills. He’ll hate Jared.   
  
Jared can’t handle that.  
  
He carefully extracts himself from Jensen’s arms, freezing when the older man mutters in his sleep, the most adorable snuffling sound coming from his throat as he reaches out for Jared, even dead asleep. Jared sighs and shakes his head, shoving his pillow into Jensen’s arms instead.  
  
Gen’s awake when he quietly pushes the door open to the room upstairs, her dark eyes sweeping over his bare chest, down to the underwear he’d hastily slipped on before he came up here. He knows that she can see the marks Jensen left on his chest, his neck, his inner thighs. Shaking his head, he climbs into the small bed. It’s still bigger than the one they have back at home, so it’s nice.   
  
“You stink like sex,” she teases.  
  
Jared snorts and rolls his eyes. “Like that’s anything new.”  
  
“You stink like really good sex,” she amends, smirking at him.  
  
“Don’t,” he sighs. “Please, Gen.”  
  
She pushes up on one elbow, looking down at him. “What’s wrong with it, JT? Jensen’s amazing. He’s sweet and kind and drop-dead fuckin’ gorgeous. And from what I heard…” she trails off, shrugging one shoulder. “Really,  _really_  good sex.”  
  
“Oh God,” Jared groans, throwing one arm over his eyes. “You heard us?”  
  
“This is a nice place but it’s not exactly huge, Jare. ‘course I heard. And ‘m a little jealous, even if I don’t like the butt sex.” She giggles when he groans again. Pulling his arm away from his face, she frowns down at him. “This is a good thing. I don’t understand why you’re fightin’ it. Fightin’ him.”  
  
Jared sighs, searching her dark, chocolate brown eyes. His life would’ve been so much easier if he could’ve just loved her like his parents wanted him to. “He says he wants to help us,” he admits softly, reaching up to play with a strand of her dark hair.  
  
She smiles and grabs his other hand, twining their fingers together. “That’s a good thing,” she repeats.  
  
“It won’t last,” Jared argues, frowning. “He… He’s so good, Gen. I mean, all the way around. He’s… He’s fuckin’ perfect and ‘m just a screw-up. A fuckin’ whore. It can’t work. He’ll… He’ll see the real me eventually, not just some poor, charity case and he’ll…It’ll be over. How can I… How can I do that? How can I get your hopes up and then have that crash around you when he turns out to be like everyone else out there?”  
  
Gen shakes her head, rolling her eyes. “You’re a fuckin’ idiot,” she mutters. “JT… This isn’t about me. Not really. This is about you being afraid that Jensen’s  _not_  like everyone else, that he really is as good of a guy as he seems.”  
  
“That doesn’t make any sense,” he argues, petulant, because he can’t admit she’s right.  
  
“If he turns out to be a real life Prince Charming, you’ll have no reason to run,” she says carefully. “I love you, Jared. I do, you know that. But you… You refuse to let anything good happen to you.”  
  
“Because nothin’ good ever does!”  
  
She sighs, curling up against his chest. “Give him a chance, JT,” she urges softly. “Not for me. Not even for him. But for you.”  
  
“I’ll try,” he whispers against the top of her dark hair.  
  
“And if he turns out to be a horrible, no good person, I’ll help ya kill him and bury the body.”  
  
Jared chuckles and pulls her closer. He falls asleep with a small smile, dreaming of laughing, loving green eyes and freckles. It’s the first time in 6 years that he’s not haunted by nightmares from the past.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Jensen wakes up, cold and alone, a sickening feeling in his stomach, fear that Jared and Gen are already gone. He jumps out of bed, rushing down the hall and right into the kitchen.  
  
Where Jared and Gen are at the stove, laughing and making what looks like pancakes. They look over to him at the same time, their eyes widening in unison. Gen makes an odd noise in the back of her throat and Jared reaches around her, one large hand covering her eyes.   
  
“Jensen,” Jared starts, his still wide eyes sweeping down Jensen’s body. “I know this is your place and all but ya might wanna put on some clothes for breakfast, babe.”  
  
Jensen frowns in confusion for a second before it hits him that he’s bare-ass naked. He feels his cheeks – and chest – flush with embarrassment before quickly heading back down the hall toward his room, hearing Gen whine, “JT, I was just lookin’!” And hears the low, responding growl from Jared.   
  
He can’t help but smile even through his embarrassment and grabs a pair of sweats from his dresser and a t-shirt. He makes his way back into the kitchen, smiling at his guests. “Sorry,” he mutters. “I don’t… I don’t usually run around the house naked. I was… I was just worried that y’all were gone.”  
  
Gen smirks at him and drops onto one of the chairs. “I didn’t mind,” she teases cheekily.  
  
Jared leans over the back of his chair, his lips close enough to his ear to catch and drag when he whispers, “I wouldn’t mind either, if we were alone.” Jensen pulls away enough to look up at Jared, one eyebrow raised. “Don’t look so surprised,” Jared mutters, a small smile curling up his lips. He leans down and presses a kiss to Jensen’s lips. “Hope you don’t mind that we raided your kitchen, man.”  
  
“Uh, no,” Jensen stammers, thrown by the change in Jared. “I mean, y’all are more’n welcome to whatever around here. I want you to make yourselves at home.”  
  
Gen smiles at them from across the table, already half-way through her pancakes. “Can you take us back to our apartment today, Jensen?” she asks softly.  
  
Jensen frowns, shaking his head. “Uh, yeah, I guess. But I was… I was hopin’ that you’d stay here. At least for a while. I can… I can help you get some place else if you don’t wanna but I don’t like the idea of you guys goin’ back there.”  
  
“Jensen,” Jared cuts in, laughing. “Take a breath, man. We just… We need to get our stuff.” Jensen blinks at Jared, confused. “We’re stayin’,” Jared explains, smiling fondly at Jensen. “As long as you want us to, that is.”  
  
“I want you to,” Jensen blurts out.   
  
Jared smiles and leans over, kissing the side of Jensen’s lips. “You’re kinda adorable when you’re bein’ clueless.”  
  
Jensen huffs a sigh but can’t stop the grin from breaking out across his face. Gen makes a gagging noise in the back of her throat and tucks back into her breakfast.   
  
They finish breakfast in mostly companionable silence but Jensen can’t stop stealing glances at Jared. He looks… lighter, happier today. Jensen hopes it’s because of him that the younger man looks that way.  
  
He’s nervous when he drives them back across town, looking over his shoulder constantly. Jared grabs his hand, squeezing his fingers. “Relax,” he mutters. “’s the middle of the day, he’s at work right now.”  
  
Jensen nods but still doesn’t let his guard down. He should’ve called Chris to come with them to do this.   
  
Jared tries to get Jensen to wait in the car while they go upstairs but Jensen rolls his eyes and gets out of the car, following them into an old, dilapidated building that smells like sweat and trash. The apartment they were sharing is small, almost smaller than his living room, and Jensen once again feels that sense of anger and sorrow at the life they’ve been forced to live. He doesn’t pity them, he wasn’t lying about that, but he does feel bad about all this, feels sorry for them even though he tries not to.  
  
They don’t have much and Jensen convinces them to leave most of their old clothes, insisting that he’ll take them both out and buy them whatever they need. Jared reluctantly agrees, swearing that he’ll pay Jensen back for everything. Jensen doesn’t argue, just decides in his own head that if Jared does give him any money back, he’ll set up an account somewhere with the money for the younger man.  
  
They settle into an easy routine after a few awkward days.   
  
Jensen’s other friend Steve owns a bar – the honky-tonk dive that Jensen told Jared that Chris plays at – and it’s easy to get Gen a job there as a waitress. She’s amazing with people, small and pretty but tough enough that everyone knows not to give her shit after her first day on the job and she threw some asshole twice her size out the front door. Also helps that Steve and Chris take a shine to her as well. No one would fuck with a friend of the owner and his cop friend.  
  
Jared is a tougher case.   
  
He’s still uncomfortable accepting Jensen’s help – or charity as he calls it. But after taking one look at Jared’s size – even if he is a little on the skinny side – Steve offers him a job as a bouncer. Thankfully, Jared accepts, of course with the excuse that he’ll be able to keep a close eye on Gen that way.   
  
Steve and Chris are both surprised by the truth when Jensen finally gets around to telling them a week after Jared and Gen moved in. But they’re his best friends and are actually pretty cool about it; after they spend an hour teasing Jensen that is. They’re nice to Jared though, which is all Jensen wants.  
  
Gen makes the spare room upstairs hers. Jensen’s happy that she likes it and is comfortable there. He’s really grown quite fond of the tiny little thing.   
  
Jared doesn’t settle in one room or another though. His stuff is all in Jensen’s room and most nights, he goes to bed with Jensen but sometime in the middle of the night, he’ll wander upstairs to Gen’s room. Jensen tries not to let it bother him, he knows that they’re close and Jared is still feeling lost and unsettled, but just once, he’d like to actually wake up with the younger man.  
  
After the first night, they don’t have sex again. Jensen wants to, of fucking course he does – he’s got an incredibly sexy man that he’s pretty sure he’s in love with in his bed, most of the time in his arms – but he won’t push Jared. He wants Jared to feel comfortable enough to come to him, whenever he’s ready.   
  
~~~~~~  
  
Jared sighs, leaning against the door to the bar, keeping one eye on Gen and the other on the rest of the room. He’s mostly here for show, he knows that, there’s never been a real problem that requires him to be an actual bouncer but he gets it. In the few weeks that he’s been living with Jensen, he’s packed on the weight, and muscle, and knows with his height, he looks intimidating as hell.   
  
Jensen’s at a table in the corner, sharing a drink with Chris and Steve before Chris takes the stage. Jared can’t stop his gaze from wondering toward the older man every couple of minutes, his heart slamming against his chest when he laughs, or smiles.  
  
It’s been fairly easy living with Jensen. He’s really as great of a guy as he seemed at first, kind and sweet and giving. The only real problem Jared has is the fact that Jensen hasn’t touched him since his first night there. He’s tried to subtly catch Jensen’s attention, coming to bed naked, bending over in front of him, brushing up against his crotch every chance he gets. But nothing. It’s like Jensen’s made of freaking stone, not cracking once.   
  
Jared knows that he’s affecting Jensen, can see –  _feel_  – the proof in the long line of his hard cock, the heat in his eyes. But he won’t take the freaking bait. He wants Jensen, wants him so bad he can taste it, but he doesn’t know how to get what he wants. He’s not used to having to work for sex, doesn’t want to use his old tricks or lines on the other man, wants them to have a fresh start. He thought he’d got that that first night.   
  
This is the other shoe dropping.  
  
Jensen wants to help him and Gen, is doing a wonderful job at it; helped them get jobs, is helping Gen get back in school, offered to help Jared as well, feeding them and buying them anything they need. He’s an amazing friend.  
  
But he doesn’t  _want_  Jared.  
  
Which confuses him. He sees the physical effect on the older man. Maybe he it’s just that, a physical response. Maybe he should completely back away and let Jensen find some nice guy to bring home, let him have sex with someone else.   
  
The thought hurts Jared’s heart. And that’s  _exactly_  what he was afraid of.   
  
He’s so caught up in his thoughts that he almost misses the commotion across the room, his attention snapping back at the sound of raised voices. Gen is standing in front of Jensen, one of his strong, muscular arms around her tiny waist and there’s a pissed-off red-head yelling and gesturing wildly. Jared makes his way across the room, frowning when he gets closer. Gen’s trying to shield Jensen from the red-head, not the other way around.   
  
Jared grabs Gen away from Jensen, quirking an eyebrow at the older man. Jensen sighs and shakes his head. He turns back toward the red-head, his eyes pleading and his voice soft. “Please, Danni,” he starts, and Jared suddenly gets it. This is Jensen’s ex. “I swear, she’s not… I told you that there wasn’t another girl.”  
  
Danni snorts and shakes her head. “I don’t believe you. I’ve seen her coming out of the house, Jensen! I know she’s living there.” She lunges for Gen, hitting Jared’s chest instead. “Who the fuck’re you?” she hisses out.  
  
Jared opens his mouth to respond, to tell her that he’s Gen’s boyfriend, to save Gen and Jensen, but to his surprise, Jensen’s arm wraps around his waist, his other hand pressing against Jared’s chest. “This is Jared,” he tells Danni softly. “He lives at the house as well.  _He’s_  the one ‘m with. Not her.”  
  
Jared’s eyes widen as he looks over at Jensen. He knows that the older man hasn’t been ready to tell people yet, still coming to terms with it himself. He’s also surprised that Jensen said that they’re together. That’s news to him.  
  
Danni snorts and shakes her head. “Honestly, Jensen. That’s low, even for you. You’re not gay.”  
  
“Yes I am, Danni,” he whispers. “I’ve… I’ve been struggling with this for years. I just… I just figured things out.” He pauses, turning to look at Jared quickly before turning back to her. “Jared helped me figure things out.”  
  
Jared looks around the room, noticing that they’re starting to attract a crowd. “C’mon, guys,” he mutters softly, pulling Genevieve closer to his side. “People’re startin’ to stare.”  
  
“I don’t give a fuck,” Danni growls, lunging for Jensen or Gen again, trying to get to whichever one she can.   
  
Jared rolls his eyes and gently pushes Gen back toward Jensen and grabs Danni, swinging her over his shoulder. She yells and cusses, hitting him in the back, but he ignores it, carrying her back to Steve’s office. Jensen follows behind them, wisely leaving Gen behind. She swings at Jared when she sets her down and he ducks, shaking his head. “Calm down,” he grits out.   
  
“For fuck’s sake, Danneel,” Jensen sighs. “’m sorry that I hurt you, I really am. And I’m sorry that I lied. But you’ve gotta calm down. You’ve got it all wrong.”  
  
“So you’re tryin’ to tell me that you’re a fag now?” she grits out, crossing her arms over her chest. Jared tenses at the word, having heard it more than enough times growing up.   
  
Jensen shakes his head, a frown on his face. “Don’t be a bitch. Yes, I’m gay. I have been all my life but I was confused, hiding from myself,” he slips his hand in Jared’s, “’m not confused or hiding anymore. Jared… He helped me figure things out.”  
  
“What the hell are your parents going to think, Jensen?” she cries out. “You can’t be… You can’t be gay.”  
  
“I don’t care what anyone thinks,” Jensen says, soft and sad. “If people have a problem with me, with who I chose to be with, who I chose to love, that’s not my problem. Go home, Danneel. Leave me and Gen and Jared alone.”  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Jensen sighs as he watches Danni storm off, slamming the door behind her. He chances a glance up at Jared, biting his bottom lip. “’m sorry,” he blurts out. “I didn’t… I didn’t want her thinkin’ that I was with Gen, ya know? I had to tell her something.”  
  
Jared nods, not meeting his eyes. “I understand,” Jared whispers, pulling his hand away. “I didn’t think… ‘s not like I believed what you told her.” Jared huffs out a humorless laugh. “’cause we’re not together.”  
  
Jensen’s shoulders drop and he stares up at Jared, his heart breaking. “Yeah,” he whispers. “I know.”  
  
“I’ve been savin’ up the last few weeks,” Jared says softly, in response to nothing. “I’ve got enough for a down payment on an apartment. ‘m… I think it’d be best if I go ahead and move out.”  
  
Jensen’s heart slams against his ribs, his breath hitching. “No,” he whispers, shaking his head. “You don’t… Please don’t go, Jared.”  
  
Jared shakes his head, glancing at Jensen then away quickly. “’s for the best, man. We’ll still be friends, ya know? See each other here or whatever.”  
  
“I don’t want you to go,” Jensen argues weakly.  
  
“Why?” Jared asks, his brow furrowed.  
  
“Because… Because I don’t,” Jensen mutters, wanting to tell Jared how he feels but unable to. He knows Jared doesn’t feel the same.   
  
Jared snorts and shakes his head. “I gotta get back’ta work, Jensen. I… I’ll see ya later.”  
  
Jensen waits up for Jared to get home that night, the bedroom dark. Jared sneaks inside, goes to the dresser to grab a pair of sweats and Jensen knows that he’ll sneak right back out, there’s no way he’s going to stay in here tonight, has been staying with Gen more and more.   
  
“Jared,” he says softly, smiling despite himself when Jared jumps, his hand flying to his chest.  
  
“Shit, Jensen,” Jared gasps. “Scared the shit outta me, man. What the hell’re you doin’ sittin’ in the dark?”  
  
“Waitin’ for you,” Jensen replies. He’s been sitting here long enough that his eyes have adjusted, having no problem seeing Jared. The younger man looks tired, keeping his eyes downcast even though he probably can’t see Jensen all that well.  
  
“Why?” Jared whispers, his fingers clenching around the sweatpants he’s still holding. Jensen notices that it’s a pair of his own.   
  
“I, uh, I was hoping we could talk,” Jensen pauses, turns on the light next to the bed. Jared blinks rapidly in the soft light but still won’t look directly at Jensen.   
  
“’s late,” Jared mutters, glancing up at Jensen. “You gotta work in the morning.”  
  
“I’ll be fine,” Jensen assures him softly. “This is more important.” He licks his lips, absently fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt. “I don’t… I don’t want you to leave, Jared.”  
  
“You said that already,” Jared reminds him.   
  
“Yeah, I did,” Jensen agrees. “But I didn’t tell you why. I’ve been sitting here, since I left the bar, thinking about everything. I… I wasn’t sure about opening up, telling you why I don’t want you to go. But I see now that I have to. You’re leavin’ either way, man.” Jensen shrugs one shoulder, inhaling deeply. “I want you to stay because I care about you…”  
  
“I know that, Jensen,” Jared interrupts softly.   
  
Jensen smiles sadly, shaking his head. “No, Jared. You don’t. I, uh… Fuck, this was so much easier to get out in my head.” He inhales deeply again and pushes himself off the mattress, sliding one hand over Jared’s cheek. The younger man’s head snaps up, his eyes wide.  
  
“Jensen?” he whispers.  
  
“I want what I told Danni to be the truth,” Jensen confesses, damn-near a whisper. “I… I want you, Jared. ‘m sorry, I’ve tried to be patient, to give you time to work things out, hopin’ you’d come to me… But then you said that you were leavin’ and I knew I had’ta try at least. Had’ta tell you the truth, even though you don’t feel the same.”  
  
Jared searches his face, his eyes, his brow furrowed. “I don’t… Why would you think I don’t feel the same?” he asks finally.   
  
“’cause I’ve been waitin’… and you haven’t said anything…”  
  
Jared snorts, shaking his head. “I was… I was waitin’ for you, Jensen,” he whispers. “I didn’t… I’ve never had to try’n work to get someone’s attention…”  
  
“You don’t have’ta now,” Jensen assures the younger man. “You’ve always got my attention.” Jensen slides his hand back, tangling his fingers in Jared’s hair. “’s been so hard, havin’ you in my bed, my arms, and not touchin’ you, Jay.”  
  
Jared blinks owlishly, shaking his head. “Jensen,” he breathes, leaning forward so that their foreheads are pressed together. “I… I tried to not let myself feel anything for you… You still scare the crap outta me. What I feel, scares the crap outta me.” Jared swallows thickly, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “There’s… There’s a lotta shit you don’t know, about me, my past. Things that I don’t want you to know, because they’ll make you hate me.”  
  
“I could never hate you, Jared.”  
  
“You say that now, but you don’t know the truth.” Jared inhales deeply, shaking his head. “Anyway… I didn’t…I didn’t want to feel this way, but I can’t… I can’t stop it.” Jared leans forward, pressing a kiss to the side of Jensen’s lips. “I… I want whatever I can get,” he whispers.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Jared’s heart is pounding against his ribs, his brain screaming at him that he shouldn’t do this, no matter how amazing Jensen is, he’ll just end up hurting Jared in the end. But he was being honest, he’s tried to stay away, tried to fight what he’s been feeling. But it’s been useless. Jensen’s in his life, his  _heart_ , and he can’t go back, doesn’t know how.  
  
“I’ll give you everything, baby,” Jensen whispers, sliding their lips together fully. Jared moans low in the back of his throat, the sweats he’s still clutching in his hands falling to the floor at his feet. He wraps his arms around Jensen’s shoulders, shuffling closer, needing to feel Jensen’s strong, perfect body against his own.   
  
Jensen shoves his hand under the hem of Jared’s shirt, his palm warm and perfect against Jared’s overheated skin. He can feel the hard, thick line of Jensen’s cock against his hip, rocks forward, knowing that Jensen will feel his own hard flesh as well.   
  
Jensen pulls away with a gasp, his eyes dark and hungry. “Fuck… Want you so Goddamn bad. Been torture, man. Holdin’ you, fallin’ asleep with you and not doin’ anything about it.”  
  
“Don’t have’ta hold back anymore,” Jared whispers, one hand sliding down Jensen’s back, feeling the play of muscles beneath his touch.   
  
“Stay with me, Jared.”  
  
“I will. Not gonna leave,” Jared promises.  
  
“Not just livin’ here…” Jensen says softly. “I mean, stay all night with me. Don’t get up and leave as soon as I fall asleep. Please, Jay?”  
  
Jared swallows thickly, his eyes sliding closed. “I have nightmares,” he confesses, barely above a whisper. “Terrible, horrific, graphic nightmares that wake me up screaming. Gen… I, uh, ‘m usually a wreck after. She helps.”  
  
Jensen licks his lips, gently tugging Jared over toward the bed. “Tell me what to do, how to help.”  
  
Jared smiles and leans against Jensen’s side, sighing when Jensen wraps an arm around his shoulders. “She’ll talk to me,” he whispers. “Or sing. Which is funny ‘cause she’s a horrible singer. Or hold me.”  
  
“I can do that.”  
  
“I… It’ll keep you awake,” Jared mutters, dropping his head, his bangs falling into his eyes. “That’s why I always sneak out. Don’t wanna wake you. Didn’t really want you to know.”  
  
“You didn’t have any the night we spent at the motel.”  
  
“I didn’t sleep,” Jared murmurs.  
  
“Jared,” Jensen sighs, lightly grabbing his chin, forcing him to look up, into those intense, bottle-green depths. “You don’t have to hide from me. Not anything, okay?” Jared swallows thickly and nods. “When you’re ready, I wanna hear everything, alright?”  
  
“Jensen,” Jared whispers, shaking his head. “Believe me, you don’t wanna know.”  
  
“Yes I do,” Jensen argues. “But I don’t… I don’t wanna talk about this anymore right now. I just… I wanna hold you, fall asleep with you in my arms, wake up with you still here.”  
  
Jared licks his lips, chewing on the bottom one for a second. “What…” he pauses, clearing his too-tight throat. “What about… ya know…” Jared mutters, for the first time in a long damn time actually feeling like the 20 year old he is, shy and young and insecure.  
  
Jensen leans forward, his lips pressing a fiery trail over Jared’s neck, his jaw, back to his ear. “Oh, we’re gonna do that too,” Jensen promises, his tone husky, deep. “’mma stretch open that perfect ass with my fingers, my tongue, then ‘mma slide my dick inside you. Make you scream my name.” Jared moans, his head falling back, his fingers clenching Jensen’s t-shirt in a white-knuckle grasp. “Like the sound’a that, Jare?”  
  
“Oh God,” Jared mutters unhelpfully, his cock twitching painfully against his zipper. Jensen nips at his pounding pulse before pulling away, pushing himself up off the mattress. He stares down at Jared, slowly pulling his shirt up and off before his hands fall to the waistband of his jeans. Jared bites down hard on his bottom lip, watching intently as Jensen slowly – oh so fucking slowly – undoes his jeans, pushing the demin down his muscular thighs, letting them pool around his ankles for a moment before stepping out of them. Jared’s fingers twitch with the urge to touch all that warm, slightly-pale, baby-soft skin, his mouth watering with the need to taste Jensen.   
  
He moans again when Jensen pushes his boxer briefs down, his cock hard and flushed red, pre-come oozing from the slit. Without thinking, Jared leans forward, his tongue darting out to lick the pearly drop away, digging the tip of his tongue into Jensen’s slit, desperate for more of that sweet, tangy flavor.  
  
Jensen groans, one hand lightly tangling in the back of Jared’s hair as Jared opens up wide, taking Jensen all the way in his mouth, his tongue fluttering over the thick vein and the sensitive nerves right below the swollen head. Jared may still be a little lost and confused, not sure about his place in his own life or Jensen’s, but  _this_  he knows.  
  
“Fuck,” Jensen growls. “Your Goddamn  _mouth_. So good, Jay.”  
  
Jared hums low in his throat, his hand coming up to roll Jensen’s full, heavy balls in his palm as he swallows Jensen down to the root. Jensen gasps, his fingers clenching and unclenching in Jared’s hair. Jared’s torn, a part of him wants to keep going, to taste Jensen’s slightly bitter release again but the other part – the bigger part – what’s to have Jensen inside him again.   
  
He pulls away reluctantly, licking the spit-shiny, velvet over steel flesh one last time before looking up at Jensen. His cheeks are flushed and his eyes are dark and predatory. Jared’s whole body trembles, knowing that he’s seeing a side of Jensen he hasn’t seen before, that the two times they were together, Jensen was holding back. It should scare him – he’s had enough dominating, cruel men in his life – but instead it turns him on even more; just knowing that Jensen wants him that damn much.  
  
Jensen doesn’t waste time stripping Jared completely, an appreciative look in his eyes when he runs his hands down Jared’s chest, his abs. “Fuck, just look at you,” he drawls. “You were beautiful before but now… Damn, Jared… So fuckin’ gorgeous.”   
  
Jared smiles sheepishly and shrugs one shoulder. Honestly, he wasn’t sure how Jensen would react to the weight and muscle he’s gained in the last few weeks. His life-style never really made it easy to gain weight and the great majority of his customers liked him lean and lithe, easy to manhandle and control.   
  
Jensen’s hands slide up over his ribs as he leans down and presses a kiss to the side of Jared’s lips. “I like touchin’ you and feelin’ muscle, not bone. So Goddamn sexy.”  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Jared’s cheeks flush a pretty shade of pink, his chin dropping just enough so that the long fringe of his bangs fall into his eyes, hiding from Jensen. He frowns, his palm coming up to cup Jared’s cheek, his thumb brushing absently over the blood-warm skin. “What?” he says softly.   
  
“Nothin’ really,” Jared mutters, glancing up at Jensen through his lashes and bangs. “I just… I wasn’t sure if you’d like…” he trails off, biting down softly on his bottom lip.   
  
Jensen leans in, pressing at kiss to the side of Jared’s lips, where his dimple would be if he smiled. “Jare,” he sighs, shaking his head a little. “I mean it. You’re gorgeous. Always have been. But I like seein’ you like this. You look healthy, happy, and I like that.” He drops his head, nuzzling under Jared’s jaw. “You’re beautiful, baby.” Jared snorts, shaking his head. “Someday, ‘mma get you to believe me when I tell you things,” Jensen mutters, pressing a kiss to Jared’s fluttering pulse, his hand sliding down Jared’s side. He lets his lips linger, feeling Jared’s heartbeat pick up, the bob of his Adam’s apple when he swallows.   
  
Jared moans low in his throat when Jensen nips softly at the sweat-salty flesh, his cock twitching against Jensen’s abs. “Jen,” he gasps, pressing his head back against the pillow, arching his long, beautiful neck. “Fuck… Please, babe, want you.”  
  
Jensen nods and pulls himself away from Jared, lightly palming the still-sharp jut of his hipbone. “Flip over for me?” he asks softly. Jared’s eyes widen a bit, his lips parting. Jensen quickly adds, “Just for a few minutes, ‘kay?”  
  
Jared licks his lips and dips his head in a nod, squirming around until he’s on his stomach. Jensen’s hands slide down the long line of Jared’s back, watching the muscles flex and shift under his touch, his lips and tongue trailing behind, a moan tearing from his throat at the taste of Jared’s sweat-slick flesh. He palms both cheeks of Jared’s sinfully-sweet ass, presses a kiss to the base of his spine, before pulling the muscular flesh apart. The sight of Jared’s tiny pink entrance mesmerizes him for a moment before he shifts his hands, the tip of his finger sliding over the tight ring of muscle. Jared’s hips twitch just slightly and his legs shift open even further.   
  
Jensen dips down, his tongue snaking out, lapping softly at Jared’s rim. The scent of Jared’s arousal is thicker here, the taste rich and sharp and musky, a little earthy, and Jensen’s instantly addicted. He moans, burying his face in further, chasing after that intoxicating flavor. Jared damn-near screams, his hips trembling so bad Jensen almost can’t keep ahold of him.   
  
He dips the tip of his tongue inside the loosening rim, sucking at the fluttering muscle, and Jared moans like he’s freaking dying. “Jensen… Oh my God… Shit, I can’t… Please, babe…”  
  
Jensen grabs Jared’s hips and wrestles the younger man up on his knees, his ass high in the air, and presses one finger in next to his tongue. He tugs slightly at Jared’s rim, his other hand sliding over the heavy swell of Jared’s balls, up to his rock-hard cock. Wrapping his fingers around the thick, solid shaft, he starts to stroke Jared in time to the thrusts of his tongue and finger.   
  
His lover is practically incoherent beneath him, squirming and begging, thrusting his hips back, fucking himself on Jensen’s tongue and fingers. Jensen keeps going until he’s up to three, Jared’s rim stretched tight across his knuckles. “Jensen,” Jared gasps, weakly pushing himself up onto his forearms, looking back at Jensen over his shoulder. His eyes are so dark that Jensen can’t make out any of the familiar, ever-changing hazel, his cheeks flushed, his hair sticking to his face in sweaty clumps. “Please,” he whispers hoarsely. “Need you. Please.”  
  
Jensen nods and reluctantly pulls himself away. Jared practically collapses against the mattress, his back heaving. Jensen crawls up his back, pressing his lips to the side of Jared’s neck. “Wanna stay like this or flip over?” he asks softly, nosing through the waves of Jared’s hair.   
  
“Like this,” Jared croaks out, struggling to push himself back up onto his knees.   
  
Jensen’s honestly a little surprised – Jared looked kind of freaked out about turning over at first – but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want it like this. He’s always loved doggy-style, the raw, animal passion of it. He grabs a condom and the lube from his side table, quickly rolling the latex on and slicking himself up. Plastering himself to Jared’s back, he lines up blindly and presses forward.   
  
Jared’s tight, almost painfully so, and Jensen rubs his back when he hisses softly. “’s okay, baby,” he whispers, leaning down to press a line of kisses down Jared’s spine. He sighs softly when he feels Jared start to relax, feels him opening up around his cock. He drapes himself over Jared’s back once he’s all the way inside, wrapping one arm around Jared’s lean waist. “I wanna go get tested,” he whispers against Jared’s ear. “Wanna slide into you bare.”  
  
“Jensen,” Jared starts, warning and apprehension in his tone.  
  
“Shh,” he soothes. “We’ll go together. I want… Fuck, Jared, you’re it for me, man.” And even though it’s the worst cliché in the freaking world, he adds softly, “I love you, Jay.”  
  
Jared makes the most adorable – yet oddly hot – whimpery-moan in the back of his throat. “I… I love you, too,” he whispers, so quietly that Jensen barely hears it. “Wanna get tested, wanna feel you too.”  
  
Jensen hums softly in agreement, his hips picking up a slow, steady rhythm without him even really noticing it. “Mm, that’s good.” He nudges Jared’s cheek with his nose, urging the younger man to turn his head. “Also? Tonight, or tomorrow, sometime soon, I… I want you to fuck me.” Jared’s eyes widen, his lips parting softly on a moan. “You want that, baby?” he whispers, smiling when Jared nods his head, his eyes still a little wide. “Good, ‘cause I wanna know what it feels like. Wanna feel your huge, perfect cock splitting me open.”  
  
~~~~~~  
  
It’s not like he hasn’t topped at all in the last two years – some guys like to be fucked, especially the ones who are hiding from themselves, like Mike, coming to Jared to give them something they can’t get from their perfect little wives – but it’s admittedly rare. Before he came to California, Jared actually preferred to bottom. Up until Jensen, he never thought he’d like it again. He’s actually, genuinely surprised by Jensen’s request. The older man just doesn’t seem like a bottom.   
  
But if Jensen wants that from him, who in the hell is Jared to deny him?  
  
Jensen kisses his still-slack lips and it takes Jared a moment to respond but he eventually closes his eyes, sliding his tongue against Jensen’s, wet and perfect. Jensen picks up the pace, thrusting into him smooth and easy, his cock hitting Jared’s prostate perfectly and Jared’s dick twitches and jerks with each perfect thrust. He shoves his own hips back, picking up Jensen’s rhythm and soon they’re moving together in perfect sync, like they’ve been doing this for years. He can tell that Jensen’s still holding back and he appreciates that, he really does, but he wants Jensen to lose that calm, cool exterior, wants him crazy and out of his head, passionate and raw.  
  
He pulls back from the slick slide of their lips with a gasp, giving Jensen a heated look. “Harder, Jen,” he urges.  
  
Jensen frowns slightly, shaking his head. “Jare…”  
  
“Please, Jensen. You won’t hurt me.”  
  
Jensen licks his lips, searching his eyes, but nods slightly. The next thrust is harder, nailing his sweet spot, and Jared moans harshly, his head falling down between his shoulders. “Fuck yeah,” he breathes. “Just like that, babe.”  
  
Jensen pushes himself up, fingers digging into Jared’s hips, and starts pounding away. Jared cries out, his arms collapsing, his chest hitting the mattress. He feels Jensen falter, slow down, and that’s so not what he wants right now. He reaches back and grabs Jensen’s hip, squeezing his fingers tight into muscle and bone. “Don’t you dare fuckin’ stop,” he growls, thrusting his own hips back hard enough that the slap of skin against skin almost hurts, the sound echoing even over their labored breathing.  
  
After that, Jensen puts weight and muscle behind his thrusts, pretty much fucking Jared into the mattress. It feels fucking amazing, Jensen’s thick cock hitting his prostate on every thrust, every inch dragging along Jared’s sensitive rim and he’s so fucking close he can taste it. Jensen slides one hand up his back, strong, thick fingers curling into a fist in the back of his hair, tugging just barely on the right side of painful, and Jared just fucking  _loses_  it. He cries out, his untouched cock twitching almost painfully as he comes, his orgasm hitting out of the blue like a freaking freight train.   
  
He’s never came so hard – or untouched – in his life.  
  
Jensen chokes on a broken moan, his fingers digging in hard enough that Jared  _knows_  there will bruises left behind and slams forward one last time, his hips jerking erratically. Jared wishes that they’d already gone for the tests, wants to feel Jensen coming inside him, filling him up, marking him,  _owning_  him.  
  
The thought still terrifies him but makes him ridiculously happy at the same time.   
  
He whines softly when Jensen pulls away, hating the empty feeling, and his legs give out. He closes his eyes, listening to the sound of Jensen getting rid of the condom, the sound of running water in the bathroom across the hall. He jerks slightly when the bed dips with Jensen’s weight, smiles when he feels soft, slick lips press against his shoulder. “You okay?” Jensen whispers.  
  
“Mmhmm,” Jared hums, turning his head enough to look at Jensen. “’m lyin’ in a wet spot though.”  
  
Jensen chuckles and helps him turn over, runs a warm, soft cloth over his stomach, his over-sensitive cock. Once he’s done, he pulls Jared into his arms, pressing a sweet, soft kiss to his lips. Jared sighs and snuggles closer. “I need’ta go let Gen know that ‘m stayin’ with you,” he mutters softly. “She’ll worry if I don’t.”  
  
Jensen presses another kiss to his lips and nods. “Okay, just… Hurry back, alright?”   
  
Jared nods and pushes himself up off the mattress, grabbing the pair of Jensen’s sweats that he had earlier and slips them on. Gen’s curled up in the chair Jensen bought her, a book in her lap. She looks up, one eyebrow quirked when Jared pushes open the door. “I take it you and Jensen made up?” she asks around a smirk.  
  
Jared cheeks flush hot and he groans, hiding his face in his hands. “We either need’ta get a bigger place or you need’ta get headphones or somethin’,” he mutters.  
  
Gen chuckles and sets her book aside. “Seriously though…” she trails off, looking at him expectantly.  
  
“Uh, yeah. We did.” Jared can’t help but smile, shaking his head. “He told me that he loves me,” he adds softly.  
  
A bright, brilliant smile breaks out across her face and she jumps up from her chair, throwing her arms around his shoulders. He wasn’t prepared for her to jump him, ends up falling backward onto the mattress. His ass twinges, phantom feeling of Jensen’s cock still inside. He groans softly and she pushes away from him, her dark eyes searching his face. “Did he hurt you?” she hisses.  
  
“No!” Jared gasps. “Jesus fuck, Gen, I just told you that he said he loves me. ‘s just… ‘s been a while,” he admits, oddly sheepish all of a sudden.  
  
Her dark expression fades and she gets that look in her eyes that all girls get when they see something cute and usually furry, like a basket full of puppies or some shit. “Aw… What’d you say when he dropped the big L?”  
  
“I… I said it back,” he whispers.  
  
“JT,” she whispers as well, tears pooling in her eyes. “That’s great, honey.”  
  
“mma start stayin’ in his room,” Jared says softly. “’m sorry… I just…”  
  
“Shh,” she interrupts. “You don’t have’ta make excuses for wantin’ to be with your boyfriend, silly.” She pauses, giving him a watery smile. “’m so happy for the two’a you.”   
  
He wraps his arms around her tiny waist and presses a soft kiss to her forehead. “I need’ta get back. But we’ll… We’ll hang out tomorrow, ‘kay? Got a lot I need’ta tell you.” Gen agrees and presses a kiss to his cheek.   
  
Jensen’s sitting up against the headboard, the light sheet barely covering his naked hips. Jared smiles as he pushes the sweats off and climbs into bed, curling up against Jensen’s side when he lies down as well.   
  
~~~~~~  
  
The first night Jared wakes up screaming is three days later.  
  
At first, Jensen’s terrified. Jared’s still asleep, trapped in his own mind, his nightmare, and Jensen can’t get him awake at first. When he finally manages, Jared’s eyes are wide and wild, his chest heaving, tears streaming down his cheeks. Jensen pulls him into his arms, pressing Jared’s ear against his heart. He starts to hum, low in his throat, progressing to singing when Jared starts to calm down.  
  
It takes hours, but eventually, Jared falls back into an exhausted sleep. Jensen sits up the rest of the night, holding his trembling lover, singing every song he knows, soft, barely audible.   
  
Gen’s started school, so she’s got class the next day and Jensen knows that as much as Jared doesn’t want to, it’s time they talk about the past, so he can try to help Jared get over it.  
  
He makes Jared breakfast, bringing it to him in bed. Jared smiles, a little unsure, his head tilted like a curious puppy. “What’s all this?” he asks softly.  
  
“Just breakfast,” Jensen mutters, shrugging one shoulder. He and Jared eat in comfortable silence and when they’re done, he takes the plates back to the kitchen. Jared frowns when Jensen climbs back in bed but doesn’t protest when Jensen pulls him into his arms. “Don’t’cha gotta work?” Jared asks.   
  
“Nope, took the day off. Wanna hang out with you ‘til ya gotta go in tonight.” Jensen pauses, inhaling deeply. “I was thinkin’ we’d head to the clinic today,” he says softly after a few moments, smiling when Jared blushes. “I mean, if you still wanna.”  
  
“I do,” Jared whispers.  
  
“Good. I was… I was also hopin’ that we could talk a bit.”  
  
“About?”  
  
“What happened last night.”  
  
“Jensen,” Jared sighs, shaking his head. “I… I already told you what it is. Can’t that be enough?”  
  
“I just… I just wanna help, Jay.”  
  
Jared inhales deeply, his eyes sliding closed. “I figured out I was gay when I was 14,” he starts softly. “It was the summer before our freshman year. This girl, Sandy, was havin’ her birthday party and someone got the idea to play spin the bottle. She… I knew she liked me but I really didn’t feel the same. When she spun, it landed on me. I swear, man, when she kissed me, there was nothin’. And I mean, c’mon, 14 years old, the wind could blow and I’d get a freakin’ hard on. But nothin’ from her.” Jared pauses, heaving a sigh, and sits up, away from Jensen. “A few weeks later, she invites me over to her house. They, uh, they had a pool and her older brother was swimmin’. He was 17 and freakin’ gorgeous. He… he cornered me in the house and said that he saw me lookin’ at him. I tried to deny it of course but he knew I was lyin’. He made it seem like it was okay,” Jared’s voice breaks slightly, and he shakes his head, “I gave him a blow job that day and a few times after. After a few times, I tried to kiss him and he told me that he wasn’t some filthy fag, that it wasn’t the same if I was the one suckin’  _his_  dick.”  
  
“Jesus, Jare,” Jensen breathes.   
  
“That’s not the worst of it,” Jared snorts, shaking his head again. “Sophomore year, we got a new coach for basketball. I’d done a pretty good job keepin’ my preferences to myself, or at least I thought I had. I don’t know, about three months before the end’a the year, he pulls me aside and says that he ‘noticed things’ and that he’d keep my secret if I let him… If I let him fuck me. I told him to go fuck himself. He didn’t like that too much. He, uh, he grabbed me and tied my hands behind my back with his belt, fucked me over his desk. Dry. Turns out he was fuckin’ one’a the cheerleaders too and her parents found out. He was fired a week later. But I… I never told anyone what he did to me. Except Genevieve.” Jared licks his lips and drops his eyes down to the mattress between them. “My senior year, I met a great guy,” he whispers. “He was from the next town, didn’t go to school with us. We were together all year. I thought that we’d leave together, go to college, live the great life. When I came out to my parents, right after I turned 18 and they flipped their shit, I went to him, turns out that he had a girlfriend at his school and was seein’ me on the side. My… my dad had beat the shit outta me and I didn’t know what else to do, so I went to Gen, told her I was leavin’, gonna come out here. The rest you know.”  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Telling Jensen wasn’t actually as hard as Jared thought it would be. He’s still sure that Jensen’s going to run for the hills, but he somehow feels better getting it all out in the open. He jumps at the feeling of soft lips pressing against the back of his neck, strong arms around his waist. “’m so sorry that you had to go through all that,” Jensen whispers.  
  
Jared looks over his shoulder, surprised to see tears in the older man’s eyes. “You… You’re not disgusted?”  
  
“Not with you,” Jensen assures softly.  
  
Jared smiles, shakes his head. “I swear, I still can’t believe you’re real.”  
  
Jensen grins at him in return and tightens his arms around Jared. “I assure you I am.”  
  
Jared rolls his eyes and leans forward, pressing a kiss to the tip of Jensen’s nose. “You still wantin’ to go to the clinic today?” he asks softly, hesitantly.  
  
“If you do,” Jensen answers around a nod.  
  
“I do,” Jared breathes, pushing himself up off the mattress. “C’mon, let’s go. Get outta the house for a bit.”  
  
Jensen smiles and they get dressed in comfortable silence. Jensen drives them to the clinic and the closer they get, the more nervous Jared gets. He’s always been careful but that still doesn’t mean that there couldn’t be something there. And he doesn’t want to risk giving anything to Jensen.   
  
The questions and tests are invasive and embarrassing and do nothing but remind Jared of who he was before. He tries to remember that he’s doing this for Jensen, for their relationship, but it’s hard.   
  
The doctor tells Jared that the results will be mailed in 7-10 days and he meets Jensen back in the hallway. His boyfriend smiles softly and pulls him into a hug before leading them back out to the car. They have lunch in the city before heading back home. There’s a strange car in the driveway and Jared gets out before thinking about it, turning to Jensen when he steps up beside him, twining their fingers together.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Jensen pulls Jared to a stop by their still-joined hands before heading up the walk to their house. Jared turns back to him, frowning slightly, his head tilted to the side. “Jen?” he asks softly.  
  
“My parents are here,” Jensen damn-near whispers.   
  
Jared’s eyes go wide and he looks back at the house, a crease between his eyebrows. “I can… I can get lost for a while,” he says quietly.  
  
Jensen shakes his head, tugging his boyfriend closer to his side. “No,” he says, tone firmer than he thought he could manage right now. “’s your place too. And ‘sides, they’ll need’ta find out sooner or later.”  
  
“No, they don’t,” Jared argues, trying to pull away from Jensen. He huffs a sigh when Jensen just tightens his hold. “Seriously, babe, I literally just told you a few hours ago how bad this can go. I don’t… I don’t want you to have’ta go through that.”  
  
Jensen smiles and leans over, pressing a kiss to Jared’s cheek. “Thanks, baby,” he whispers. “I appreciate your concern, I really do. But, you… You’re gonna be in my life forever if I got anythin’ to say about it. And, honestly, I’d just rather get it over with.”  
  
Jared sighs again and his shoulders drop. “Okay,” he mutters. “I… I’ll be right there with ya, man.”  
  
Jensen squeezes Jared’s waist before leading him into the house. He does let go as soon as they’re inside, not wanting to shove it into his parents’ faces. His mom looks up, a tight smile barely curling up her lips. His dad doesn’t even look up from his newspaper.  
  
“Momma, dad,” Jensen says around a nod. “What’re y’all doin’ here?”  
  
His mom pushes herself off the couch and grabs his hand, tilting her head so he can press a kiss to her cheek. “Danneel called, darling,” she finally says, not even bothering to glance at Jared, completely ignoring his presence. “From what I understand, there’s been a misunderstanding between the two of you. She’s on her way here so that you can apologize and put this nonsense behind you.”  
  
Jensen opens his mouth to argue but before he can utter a word, the doorbell rings. He can’t quite hide a smirk when Jared scrambles to answer it. There’s a thunderous expression on Danneel’s face when she looks up a Jared, her top lip curling up into a disgusted sneer. And because Jared’s just that fucking awesome, he smiles brilliantly and reaches for Danneel’s jacket. “Danni, so good to see you again,” he says bright and loud. “Please come in,” he adds even as she pushes past him. Jensen snickers and Jared shrugs, raising one eyebrow.   
  
His mother pulls Danni into a hug and he rolls his eyes when he hears a sniffle – obviously fake. Sighing softly, he looks between his parents and his ex and straightens his spine. He’s going to do this. For himself and for Jared. “I’m actually glad all of you are here,” he says, strong and firm. “That way I only have’ta do this once.”  
  
He looks over his shoulder to where Jared’s leaning against the archway leading into the living room and smiles, shooting him a wink. “This isn’t nonsense,” he starts, “No matter what you think. I broke up with Danni because I figured out something about myself and I didn’t want to lie to her anymore,  _hurt_  her anymore.” He pauses, inhaling deeply. “I’m gay,” he says, strong and firm, as he reaches back and grabs Jared’s wrist, gently tugging the younger man forward. “And this is Jared, my boyfriend.”  
  
His mom’s eyes narrow and she shakes her head. His dad still isn’t paying attention. “Stop it right now, Jensen Ross Ackles,” she spits out. “You are not gay. You can’t be gay. I didn’t raise you like this.”  
  
Jensen licks his lips and twines his fingers with Jared. “I am gay though,” he argues. “I’m completely, head over heels in love with another man.”  
  
His mom gasps, shaking her head. Danneel steps forward, pressing one hand against his chest as she looks up at him. “Jensen,” she breathes. “I know I’ve been pushing you too hard to get married. And I am sorry about that. I… I know that’s what this is about. You’re pulling away from me and you’re confused. It’s okay, baby. We can take it at your pace.”  
  
Jensen rolls his eyes and shakes his head, wondering how he ever thought he loved her, if she’d always been this manipulative. “No, Danni. That’s not what this is about.” He inhales deeply, not really wanting to be so crass but not sure how else to get through to them. “I’ve been this way for years, my whole life. I’ve… I used to sneak and look at gay porn. I am truly, madly, deeply in love with this man. He’s the best damn thing that has ever happened to me and ‘mma spend the rest’a my damn life tryin’ to be even half the man he deserves.”  
  
“He’s a God damn hooker!” Danneel screams, her face turning red. “I… I followed you, Jensen. The night you broke up with me, I saw you pick him up off the fucking street.”   
  
Jensen’s blood runs cold and he feels Jared tense next to him. His mom gasps sharply, a sob tearing from her throat. “It’s… it’s not bad enough that he’s turned you into… into  _this_ ,” she says disgustedly, flailing one hand at them, “but he’s a p-prostitute as well?” Her voice wavers and tears fill her eyes. “Oh, Jensen,” she sighs. “We… we can get you help, son. Come back to us, back to Danneel if she’s gracious enough to take you back after this, and let us help you. Let  _God_  help you.” She inhales deeply and tries to grab his hand away from Jared’s. “This is a sin, Jensen. Lying with a man… You know that that’s a sin against God.” For the first time, she glances over at Jared, pure hatred and disgust in her eyes. “It’s obvious that he found out who you are, what you stand to inherit and he’s manipulating you,  _using_  you. Whores don’t love, Jensen, they take. And you are blind to it. I know you’re not this stupid, sweetheart. What’s he using to keep you with him?”  
  
Jared makes a small, wounded sound in the back of his throat and Jensen sees red. Sure, this is his momma but she has no fucking right to come in here and insult Jared like that. “Think what you will of me,” he growls, “You’re gonna anyway. But don’t you  _dare_  fuckin’ talk about him like that. He’s got a heart the size’a fuckin’ Texas and he’s amazing and beautiful and I fuckin’ love him!”  
  
“What he forces you into doing isn’t love, Jensen!” his mom cries.   
  
“He doesn’t force me into anything!” Jensen yells right back. “Everything I’ve given him, it’s given freely. Including myself.” Jensen swallows thickly, shaking his head. “Just get out, all of you. ‘m fuckin’ done with this shit.”  
  
His father finally looks up, calmly folding his paper before standing to his feet. He’s got Jensen backed up against the wall in a heartbeat, both hands fisted in his shirt. “You don’t speak to your mother like that, you dirty little fag,” he growls. “She wanted to come here and try to help you, and I came, even though I knew it was useless. That  _you’re_  useless. I’ve seen the way you look at men over the years, even before you graduated from high school. I thought maybe you’d seen the error of your ways when you met Danneel but you just used her. You’re no better than this whore that you chose to lay with. So be whatever you think you are, Jensen. I don’t frankly care. But know this, if you continue this ridiculous nonsense for one more second, you’re dead to me, to us. And anything you would get from the company will be split between my real children.” He pauses, his chest heaving, his face red. “I just wish I could take back the trust that your grandfather left you. But since I can’t, know that that will be the end of any money you see from us.”  
  
Jensen tilts his chin up, his eyes cold when he looks up at his father. “Fine,” he grits out. “I was always the black sheep anyway. Looks like I just gave you an excuse to make it official.” Licking his lips, his eyes narrow when he leans forward. “I don’t give a fuck about your money. I want you all outta  _our_  house. I have a boyfriend to bend over for.”  
  
The punch comes out of the blue, snapping Jensen’s head to the side, his jaw throbbing instantly. His vision is a little blurry but he sees the massive outline of what he knows has to be Jared pulling his father away. “Get your hands off me, you filthy whore!”  
  
Jensen’s vision has cleared enough to see the dark, dangerous look on Jared’s face. He pushes off the wall and quickly grabs the younger man, pulling him away from his father, into his arms. “Shh, baby,” he whispers, rubbing Jared’s back. “’s okay, love. He’s not worth it. He’ll call the cops and have you arrested if you touch him. Trust me, I know how they think.” He leans up and presses a kiss to Jared’s lips, grabbing his chin to keep Jared’s attention on him, his eyes. “Easy,” he soothes. “Just let it go. They’re leavin’.”  
  
“He hurt you, Jensen,” Jared half-growls, half-whimpers. “I swore to m’self after what happened with Jeff, when you stopped him from hurtin’ me, I’d never let anyone hurt you.”  
  
“’s okay, Jay. Seriously. ‘m okay.” He presses another kiss to those wide, candy-pink lips before turning to his stunned parents and Danneel. “I mean it, get the fuck out. And stay away. I got all I’ll ever need, right here.”  
  
~~~~~~  
  
He and Jensen watch silently as Jensen’s parents and Danni leave and Jared flinches when the door slams behind them. He turns back to Jensen, frowning when he sees the bruise already darkening on Jensen’s jaw. His fingers come up, lightly brushing over the sensitive flesh. “’m sorry,” he whispers.   
  
Jensen shakes his head, searching his eyes. “What? What’re you sorry for?”  
  
“This is all m’fault. If I’d’a just turned you away that night…” he trails off, shrugging one shoulder. “They… they’re right, Jensen,” he adds softly, emotion tightening his throat. This is what he’d been worrying about since he moved in here, when it finally came out that Jensen deserved so much better than him.  
  
“No they’re not,” Jensen growls, his emerald eyes glowing. “I don’t care what anyone thinks…”  
  
“Well you should!” Jared yells, interrupting. “Even if I never turn another trick, I will always be a whore, Jensen. You… You deserve better,” he chokes out, tears stinging his eyes.  
  
Jensen shakes his head, his jaw clenched, the muscle twitching. “Don’t,” he grits out. “I’ve spent my entire life having other people tell me what to think, how to act, who I should be. I’m fuckin’ sick of it! I meant what I said, Jared. I love you, so Goddamn much. And guess what? Even if you leave, if you turn around and walk away from me right now, I’ll  _still_  love you.”  
  
The door swings shut with a bang and Jared cringes, looking over his shoulder at Genevieve. Her dark eyes are wide, but there’s a murderous look on her face. She marches forward, almost having to go up onto her tippy-toes to grab Jensen’s chin. “What the hell happened here?” she grits out, turning Jensen’s head to examine the bruise along his jaw. The sight of the reddish-purple skin makes Jared’s stomach turn, memories from the past creeping up on him dangerously fast. He hears Jensen tell her what happened – and how much of an idiot Jared’s currently being, Jensen’s words not his – but it sounds too far away, their voices muffled and distorted. He sways a bit, suddenly dizzy, his legs threatening to give out. Suddenly, he’s on the floor, looking up into concerned green and brown eyes and he blinks owlishly, trying to figure out what the hell happened.  
  
“Jared,” Jensen breathes, his hands gripping the sides of his face. “You with me, man?”  
  
Jared licks his lips, opening his mouth to speak, but all that comes out is a tortured whimper. Jensen gathers him into his arms, tucking his head under his jaw. “Just breathe, baby,” Jensen instructs softly, tone barely above a whisper. “Calm down and breathe for me, please?”  
  
Gen rubs his back in comforting circles with one hand, the other pushing the hair off his face. He kind of collapses against Jensen’s chest, his heart rate finally returning to a more stable, healthy rhythm. “Wha-?” he croaks out, wincing at how wrecked his voice sounds.   
  
“You just dropped like a ton of bricks, JT,” Gen says softly and he can hear the concern – and tears – thick in her tone. “What,” she pauses to clear her throat, “What happened?”  
  
“Not sure,” he rasps. “Was listenin’ to y’all and the next thing I know ‘m on the damn floor.” He pulls away enough to look up at his best friend and his boyfriend, sees the bruise, and it all comes rushing back. His eyes widen and he grabs Jensen’s face, barely noticing the older man wince at the rough touch. “Jensen,” he whimpers. “Oh God… This… this is m’fault. You lost your family, any chance at a life… Your dad hit you!”  
  
Jensen sighs and pulls him back against his chest, despite Jared’s struggles. “I don’t care,” he whispers against the side of Jared’s head. “You hear me? I don’t give a fuck. As long as I got you, ‘m fine. None of the other shit means a damn thing, Jare.” He pauses, pressing another kiss to Jared’s temple. “I love you so much,” he breathes.  
  
“I love you, too,” Jared rasps, tone hoarse and wrecked. His eyes slide closed and he turns his head, nuzzling under Jensen’s jaw. “’m tired, Jen,” he whispers.   
  
“C’mon, darlin’,” Jensen drawls, him and Gen helping Jared up off the floor. “I’ll take ya into our room, let you get some sleep.”  
  
“Don’t leave me?” Jared begs, blinking away the tears still burning in the corners of his eyes.  
  
“Never,” Jensen promises.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
It doesn’t take long for Jared to settle into bed and fall into a deep sleep. Jensen sits on the edge of the mattress, watching his young boyfriend, at a loss as to what to do. Gen is standing next to him and he’s holding one of her tiny, delicate hands in his. “Call Steve,” he instructs softly, not taking his eyes off of Jared. “Tell him Jay won’t be in tonight.”  
  
“What should I tell him?” she whispers and he can hear the tears in her voice.   
  
Finally turning away from Jared, he looks up at her, pulling her into his arms when her chin wibbles and the tears start flowing. “Shh, sweetheart,” he whispers, smoothing one hand down her long, dark hair. Without breaking the hold he has, he digs into his pocket and grabs his phone. “Hey, man,” he says quietly once Steve answers.  
  
“Jen? What’s wrong, man?”  
  
“Long fuckin’ story,” he mutters. “And I’ll tell ya later but, uh, Jared and Gen aren’t gonna be in tonight.”  
  
“Everything alright?”   
  
“Yeah, I mean, they’re okay, but there’s just some shit goin’ down around here.”  
  
“D’ya need me to come over?”   
  
“Naw, man, but thanks,” Jensen says softly, a smile pulling at his lips. His friends really are awesome.   
  
“I know you’ll take care’a Jaybird but, um, is Gen okay?”  
  
A startled laugh bursts from Jensen’s lips, making Gen flinch. He squeezes her briefly in silent apology. “No shit, man,” he laughs, ignoring Steve’s grumbling. “When the fuck’d this happen?”  
  
“Shuddup, Jensen,” Steve growls.   
  
“Hey,” Jensen says quietly. “I think it’s great, man.”  
  
“We haven’t… She doesn’t know,” Steve admits softly.  
  
“You should change that,” Jensen advises.  
  
“Yeah, maybe.” Steve sighs, before adding, “Just… lemme know if y’all need anything, ‘kay? Me and Kane’ll be there in a heartbeat, for any’a you.”  
  
“Thanks, Steve,” Jensen says softly.  
  
Genevieve is still crying quietly, her face pretty much smushed against Jensen’s chest. “Why don’t you lie down with him, sweetheart?” he asks quietly.  
  
“But you… Don’t you wanna…”  
  
“I do,” he agrees. “But right now, I think you both need this.”  
  
“You’re an amazing man, Jensen,” she whispers thickly. “We’re lucky to have you.”  
  
“I love you both, Gen. We’re family, the three’a us.”  
  
The tears fall harder but she manages to give him a watery smile. “Is Steve upset?” she asks softly as she crawls into bed with Jared.  
  
“No,” Jensen answers around a smile. “He’s just worried about you.”  
  
“He… He’s a good man, like you.”  
  
“He is,” Jensen agrees, smiling even wider at the slight blush painting her cheeks. Maybe Steve’s not the only one feeling something here.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Usually, Jared doesn’t come to the bar on his night off but Jensen drug him out, saying something about wanting to celebrate their six month anniversary or some shit. It’s cheesy and silly and so purely  _Jensen_  that Jared can’t help but smile despite himself. But he’s glad that he agreed to come out, especially considering that they’re double dating with Gen and Steve. His two friends have been together a couple of months themselves and Jared’s still not sure how he feels about it.  
  
He likes Steve, really he does. But it would be ashamed if Jared has to kill him if he ever hurts Gen.   
  
But she seems happy, so right now, that’s the most important thing.  
  
Steve and Jensen are at the bar getting them drinks and Gen is in the ladies’ room, leaving Jared alone at the table to fiddle with his empty beer bottle. He’s not much of a drinker usually, but he figures they have some celebrating to do tonight.  
  
His whole body tenses when he feels a strong grip on his shoulder, the blood in his veins turning to ice when he hears a low growl in his ear. “Hello, whore,” JD drawls. “Don’t move, don’t say anything. If you value the pretty boy, you’ll get up and come with me, nice and slow and easy.”  
  
Fear skates down his spine when his arms are pulled behind his back and he feels the bite of steel around his wrists, the cuffs too tight, already rubbing his skin raw. JD pulls him to his feet and as he’s being pushed out the back door, he locks eyes with Gen, tears spilling down his cheeks. “I love you and Jensen,” he mouths, seeing her shake her head and start to rush toward them. Even though he doesn’t want to go with Jeff – knows that he’s probably going to die tonight – he pushes his way through the door, not wanting her to get in the middle of this.  
  
Jeff leads him to his SUV, roughly throwing Jared in the back. The older man is quiet the whole way back to his house and Jared can see the muscle ticking in his clenched jaw. He gasps softly when he feels his phone vibrate in his back pocket, struggles to get to it with the cuffs on. He hits what he hopes is the connect button and cradles the phone in his hand. “Why’re you doin’ this, JD?” he asks finally.  
  
The older man glances back at him through the rear view mirror and sneers. “Your fuckin’ boyfriend brought the cops down on me,” JD growls. “I can’t go anywhere without bein’ watched or followed.” He stops at a light, reaching back to grab a handful of Jared’s hair. “You were mine first, you little piece of shit. You think your rich boyfriend can pull you off’a the streets and give you some perfect, fairy tale life?” he shakes Jared by the handful of hair, causing Jared to whimper slightly, “There’s no such thing. You’re a fuckin’ whore and that’s all you’ll ever be.”  
  
Jeff lets go of him and turns back around. Jared hears what he’s pretty damn sure is the muffled sound of Jensen’s voice yelling his name. He closes his eyes and prays for the first time in 7 years.  
  
Jeff takes Jared back to his house – too arrogant to think he’ll get caught, that anyone will come for Jared. He just hopes Jensen’s smart enough to send Chris and not come charging in here himself. Jeff yanks open the door, dragging Jared out of the car by the hair of his head, drags him all the way up the walk and the steps, into the house. Jared’s scalp feels like it’s being ripped off and he can’t help but cry out. “Scream all you want, slut,” Jeff chuckles darkly, “You know I love to hear you.”  
  
Jeff doesn’t take him further than the living room, roughly shoving Jared to his knees. Bile burns the back of his throat when Jeff undoes his jeans, his cock already hard and leaking. He rubs the tip along Jared’s lips, grabbing a handful of hair. “If you bite me, it’ll just make it worse on you now. And when ‘m done with you, I’ll go after the bitch and the pretty boy. Understood?”  
  
Even though he tries to hold them back, tears stream down Jared’s face. “Yes,” he whispers, his eyes sliding closed when Jeff grabs his jaw and forces his mouth open.   
  
Jared loves giving Jensen head. Loves to feel those strong, thick fingers buried in his hair, loves the thick flesh sliding between his lips, loves the slightly bitter, salty-sweet taste of his boyfriend’s come. Gets so fucking  _hard_  when he’s sucking Jensen’s cock, tonguing at the slit, the thick vein underneath, when he feels Jensen’s hips tremble under his hands.  
  
This is as far from that as he can get.   
  
Jeff’s always been rough but he’s especially so this time; both hands buried in Jared’s hair, his cock so far down Jared’s throat that he can’t breathe, tears and snot and spit covering his face. The older man doesn’t let up, even when Jared’s vision whites out around the edges, just keeps grinding forward. Just when he thinks he’s going to pass out, Jeff pulls away, a line of spit and pre-come pulling between his lips and the head of his dick before it snaps.   
  
“You’re outta practice, whore,” Jeff grinds out, tugging on the handfuls of Jared’s hair, tilting his head back further. “What? Pretty boy don’t like to fuck this face?”  
  
Jared doesn’t say anything, glaring up at the older man as best as he can. Jeff chuckles again and pulls him to his feet, hastily ripping open Jared’s jeans. He frowns, his nose curling up like he’s disgusted. “Look at you,” he spits out. “You were much prettier when you were under my rule. So thin and pretty.” Jared barely resists rolling his eyes. Jeff pulls down his boxer briefs next, fondling his limp cock with one hand. “C’mon, slut, I know you want it, you always want it. Get hard for me.”  
  
“No,” Jared growls. “You can take everything else from me, but I won’t give you that.”  
  
The punch to his jaw snaps his head to the side, leaves him seeing stars and he thinks Jeff might’ve actually fractured his cheekbone. Just to make sure, apparently, Jeff punches him again. He feels blood trickling out of the corner of his mouth and his face is throbbing, not only from Jeff’s fists but from the brutal face-fucking. Jeff spins him around, pushing him over the back of the couch.   
  
The slice of pain that comes from leather against vulnerable flesh is not something one ever forgets.   
  
Jared cries out when Jeff’s belt lands across his ass, the backs of his thighs, his lower back; over and over and over again. Jared loses count after 50, the red-hot pain melting together, making it impossible to tell one hit from another. Eventually he hears the thunk of the belt buckle hitting the floor and Jeff’s brutal hands on the cheeks of his ass.  
  
He closes his eyes, willing himself to relax, knows that Jeff will split him open without even thinking twice about it. As stupid of a thought as it is, Jared can’t help but be a little relieved when he hears the crinkle of foil, knows that Jeff’s at least using a condom. If he makes it out of this alive, he’d hate to have to go back to using one with Jensen.   
  
If Jensen even wants anything to do with him after this.  
  
Jared screams when Jeff forces himself inside. His and Jensen’s sex life is fantastic and they fuck like rabbits but Jared’s always tight, no matter what. It was a fact that made him pretty damn popular on the streets. Add the fact that he’s tense and in pain and ashamed and angry and that doesn’t exactly lead to relaxed muscles.  
  
Jeff grunts, not stopping. “Damn, Sammy,” he purrs, slapping one of Jared’s ass cheeks hard enough to feel like it blisters. “Pretty boy must not be packin’ much if you’re still this Goddamn tight.” He pauses, grunting harshly. “You think he loves you? That he’ll ever love you? You’re nothin’ but a whore.”  
  
He screams again when all of a sudden he’s empty, Jeff pulling away. He’s confused, his head swimming with blood loss and pain but he hears the sounds of people yelling, what he thinks might be a gunshot, and an incessant, annoying, high-pitched screaming. He really wishes whoever the hell is doing that would shut the fuck up, it’s making his head pound more.   
  
There are hands on his face and he blinks open his eyes – or well, eye, the other one is swollen shut – and he’s met with intense, terrified bottle-green. “Baby,” Jensen says softly. Why’s he whispering? Jared frowns, watching Jensen’s lips move, can’t hear a damn thing he’s saying. Jensen’s hand clamps over his mouth and the sound that was driving him crazy stops and Jensen yells, “Stop screaming, Jared, I’ve got’cha now.” Jared’s brow furrows, Jensen’s words finally seeping in to his brain – which feels vaguely like pea soup at the moment. Was he the one who was screaming like that?  
  
Someone steps behind him, he can feel it, and he shakes his head, whimpering, trying to get closer to Jensen. “Shh, baby,” his boyfriend whispers. “Chris is just takin’ off the cuffs, ‘kay?”  
  
Oh. Yeah, that’d be nice. His freaking shoulders are killing him.  
  
A wounded, wrecked scream tears from his abused throat when Chris gently undoes the cuffs and helps Jensen move Jared’s arms down by his side. He wants to lie down but his back is raw, sweat stinging the cuts, so he curls into a ball as best as he can. Fuck, Jeff really did a number on him this time.  
  
He sits up with a sharp cry, the movement of his abused muscles screaming at him. Jeff. He’d fucking forgot about Jeff.  
  
“Jen…” he whispers, reaching out to touch his boyfriends cheek, frowning when his fingertips come back wet. “JD…”  
  
~~~~~~  
  
“Dead. Chris shot him.”  
  
Jared nods and kind of curls into himself again, breathing a sigh of relief. “Good… Couldn’t let ‘im… get you and Gen…”  
  
“Shh, baby, ‘s okay,” Jensen whispers, his eyes seeking Chris’ over top of Jared’s head. “Ambulance?” he asks softly as he strips off his button-down shirt, trying the best he can to cover Jared’s lower half.   
  
“Two minutes,” Chris whispers, his gaze a mix of sad and angry when he looks at Jared. “Wish I hadn’t just shot the fucker,” he mutters. “Wish I’d’a taken the time’ta beat the shit outta him first.”  
  
Jensen snorts, shaking his head. “Yeah, tell me about it,” he growls. Jared whimpers, trying to reach out for Jensen. “’s okay, Jare. ‘m right here.”  
  
Jensen looks up at Chris when he hears the sirens, his friend clapping him on the shoulder as he passes. “’mma go meet ‘em outside, let ‘em know what’s up, what to expect.” Jensen nods, grateful that Chris can keep a level head at a time like this, while Jensen’s steadily falling apart.   
  
Jared doesn’t respond well to the strange hands on him, the voices he doesn’t recognize, and the pain they’re inflicting on him when they try to move him. Jensen helps as best as he can, trying to keep his boyfriend calm, but the pained cries and terrified trembling threatens to break him right along with Jared.   
  
Even with Chris there, they won’t let Jensen ride in the ambulance because he’s not family and he and Jared aren’t married. It pisses him off and he tries to argue – Jared will flip his shit if Jensen isn’t there with him – but Chris just grabs his wrist and practically throws him into the passenger’s side of his cruiser.   
  
The hospital is only a few miles away, thankfully, and Chris pulls up right behind the ambulance as they’re unloading the stretcher Jared’s on. His boyfriend is deathly still and Jensen’s heart stops for a beat or two, all the air seizing in his lungs. The paramedic stops him when he rushes forward, wanting – needing – to get to Jared.   
  
“Mr. Ackles,” she says firmly, both hands planted against his chest. She manages to keep him back, an amazing feat considering she’s a foot shorter than him and at least a hundred pounds lighter. “We had to sedate him for his own safety. He was becoming combative.”  
  
“Can you blame him?!” Jensen grits out.   
  
“No, sir, not at all. But you need to let us get him inside, let the doctors take care of him.”  
  
Jensen follows Chris inside, sitting numbly while his best friend tells the doctors what happened. All Jensen can hear is Jared’s tortured screams when they first got there, thinks about how Jared wouldn’t stop screaming until Jensen literally covered his bruised, split lips.  
  
When Genevieve ran up to him and Steve at the bar, her eyes wide and terrified, tears streaming down her face, Jensen immediately knew something was wrong, he just didn’t know what. Steve managed to get her calm enough to whisper that JD had taken Jared. Thankfully, Chris was there with them as well, and they set out immediately to get to Jeff’s place. What he heard when he called Jared’s phone made him want to puke, or cry, or punch something, maybe all three.   
  
He did throw up when Chris busted down the door and he saw what was happening. Half of Jared’s face was bruised, his eye swollen shut and his lips where bruised and split, blood smeared all over his face. His back was covered in welts and cuts, obviously from the discarded belt on the floor and JD had Jared bent over the couch, fucking him brutally, his hands clamped down on Jared’s lean hips hard enough that his knuckles were white.   
  
The fucker looked up at Jensen and smirked before reaching into the pocket of his half-open jeans and pulled out a gun. Chris pulled his own, firing before Jeff could, and ripped him away from Jared. His young lover screamed, tears and snot and spit and blood covering his beautiful face and Jensen wanted to rip something apart. He hadn’t even realized he was crying until Jared touched his cheek and frowned slightly at his wet fingertips.   
  
Jared ends up staying in a medically-induced coma for a week. The doctors say it will make it easier on Jared’s body to heal that way, Jensen thinks it’s just because they don’t want Jared to remember what happened to him. Which is actually fine with him. He’d love it if Jared didn’t remember when he wakes up.   
  
They bring him out of it slowly and on the eighth day, confused, drug-hazed hazel eyes blink open, locking with Jensen’s. “Jen…” Jared rasps, his fingers twitching against the bed, obviously trying to reach out for Jensen. He moves closer, gently taking Jared’s hand in his own, smoothing his bangs back off his forehead. The cuts and bruises are mostly gone and physically, he’s mostly healed everywhere. Jensen is afraid of what his mental status will be like though.   
  
Jared licks his lips, a small smile curling his lips when Jensen holds out a glass of water for him to sip from. “Thanks,” Jared whispers, practically collapsing back against the thin mattress. He’s obviously still weak and Jensen kind of wishes he’d go back to sleep, so he can finish healing all the way and Jensen can take him home.   
  
Jared frowns when he looks around the stark white room, his eyes dull and vacant when he looks back at Jensen. “How long?”  
  
“Shh,” Jensen whispers, fingers still carding through Jared’s hair. “Don’t try’n talk, baby. Just rest.”  
  
Jared sighs and shakes his head. “How long?” he repeats.  
  
“Eight days,” Jensen mutters, gently squeezing Jared’s fingers when his eyes widen and a wild, panicked look takes over the lack of emotion. “Hey, hey. Easy, calm down.”  
  
“No,” Jared rasps, trying to push himself out of the bed. “Eight days… Jensen… I can’t. I gotta get outta here. Where’s Gen?”  
  
“She’s with Steve.” Jensen stands up, gently pushing his distraught boyfriend back down. “Please, Jared, calm down. She’s safe, I promise.”  
  
“No… JD. He’ll… He’ll go after her if he can’t get me.”  
  
“Baby, stop. He’s not… Chris shot him. He’s gone. You don’t ever have’ta worry about him again.”  
  
Tears fill Jared’s eyes and he looks up at Jensen, the most heartbreaking look on his face. “He’s… Really? He’s… dead?”  
  
“Yeah,” Jensen sighs. “He, uh, he pulled a gun on Chris as soon as he kicked the door in. Chris wasn’t gonna take a chance so he shot.” He inhales deeply, smiling softly at Jared. “’s okay, sweetheart. ‘s over.”   
  
~~~~~~  
  
Tearing his eyes away from Jensen – can’t take that look right now – Jared shakes his head. “It’ll never be over,” he whispers, his eyes sliding closed. “Not really.”  
  
Jensen gently cups Jared’s cheek, wiping away the tears that Jared didn’t even realize were trickling down his cheeks. His eyes flutter open and he looks back up at Jensen. The older man leans down and presses a kiss to his forehead. Jared turns away, unable to take the way Jensen keeps looking at him, and stares at the wall.  
  
Two days later, they release Jared into Jensen’s care. There are still some wounds to be treated – some of the deeper cuts on his back and, to his horror, the tearing along his rim. Luckily, everything else is mostly healed but even that small bit is a constant reminder, the dull, pulling pain of the stitches in his back when he moves wrong, the cold sensation of the medication that has to be put on his ass. And he really doesn’t want Jensen to have to deal with any of that.   
  
Chris, Steve and Gen are at the house when they get home, Jensen having to help Jared inside because he still can’t really walk by himself, and it’s fucking humiliating. Gen is curled up in Steve’s arms and she cries when she sees Jared and he hates that. But he’s glad that she has a good guy like Steve to help her through it.  
  
By the time they make it to the living room, Jared’s exhausted – and not really in the mood for company – and he’d love to just go upstairs and climb into bed in the spare room and never have to see anyone again. He hesitates just inside the doorway, fully looking at Jensen for the first time in two days. The older man looks like hell; reddish-brown stubble thick on his jaw and his eyes are red-rimmed and tired, his hair messy, but Jared’s breath still hitches in his throat.   
  
God, he’s going to miss Jensen.  
  
Jensen tilts his head, a small furrow between his brows. “What’s wrong?” he whispers.  
  
“’m tired,” Jared mutters.  
  
“Yeah, okay. Shit, ‘m sorry, Jay. I didn’t even think’a that. Everyone just wanted to come by and make sure that you’re okay.”  
  
Jared wants to scream that he’ll never be okay again but he just doesn’t have it in him so he merely shrugs and tries to head toward the stairs by himself. He doesn’t even make it two steps before he almost crumbles to his knees and Jensen’s at his side in an instant. “What’d’re you doin’?”  
  
“Wanna go upstairs,” Jared answers, tone devoid of all emotion. But he doesn’t miss the flash of hurt in Jensen’s eyes, or the disappointment.   
  
“Okay,” Jensen whispers, helping him up the steps. It’s slow going and by the time he gets there, he’s sweating and panting and the still slightly raw cuts along his back are stinging. He hisses when Jensen pulls his t-shirt off, no matter how gentle the other man is, that shit hurts like a bitch and he collapses face-first onto the mattress. “Wanna take your sweats off?” Jensen asks carefully.  
  
Jared can’t wear jeans, has been reduced to sweats and t-shirts until he heals the rest of the way. “No,” he grits out. He honestly doesn’t want Jensen to touch him anymore than he already has.  
  
Jensen sighs softly and Jared closes his eyes when he hears him walk away. He jerks when he feels a warm, wet cloth gently smoothing over his back, wiping the sweat away. His eyes flutter open again and he glances up at Jensen through his lashes. There’s a crease of concentration between his eyebrows and his plump bottom lip is trapped between his teeth as he concentrates on the task at hand. The cream that they gave him at the hospital is cool and soothing and his eyes slide closed again when Jensen smears it on. “’mma let you get some rest,” Jensen says softly. “Yell if you need somethin’, ‘kay?” Jared merely nods, trying not to cringe when Jensen presses a kiss to the back of his head.  
  
A few moments later, the door opens again and Jared barely resists sighing. The bed dips slightly and he knows without opening his eyes that it’s Gen. “How’re you doin’, JT?” she whispers.  
  
“Fine,” he mutters, wishing like hell that they’d all just leave him alone so he can shrivel up and die in peace.   
  
She sighs softly and lightly runs her hand over his shoulders – the only part of his back that isn’t littered with mostly-healed or still raw wounds. He gasps and pulls away, his eyes wide when he looks up at her. “Don’t,” he whispers weakly. He hates the tears in her eyes – hates himself even more for putting them there – but he can’t have  _anyone_  touching him right now. Maybe not ever again.  
  
“Jared?” she asks softly, obviously confused. She used to be the one to clean and patch him up all the time, for two long years, and he knows she doesn’t understand. Hell, he really doesn’t even understand.  
  
“I just… I can’t, okay? Not now.”  
  
She licks her lips and nods, wiping hastily at the tears streaking down her cheeks. “Why’d ya come up here?” she asks after a moment. “Jensen… He looked freaking wrecked when he came back downstairs. What happened?”  
  
Anger shoots through Jared and he really wishes he could get out of this bed and walk on his own so he could storm out of here. “Oh, ‘m so sorry Jensen’s feelings got hurt,” he grits out, glaring at her. He should be appalled at the way he’s speaking to her, she’s his best friend, the only family he’s got, but he just… he can’t. “If I was down there with him, he’d hover and wanna talk and take care’a me and all that shit. I just… I don’t want him near me.”  
  
“Of course he’d do all that!” she yells. “He’s your fuckin’ boyfriend and he loves you, dipshit.”  
  
“Not anymore,” Jared growls.   
  
“W-what?” she stutters.   
  
“He’s not anything to me anymore. As soon as I can get outta this damn bed, I’m fuckin’ gone.”  
  
“I don’t… I don’t understand. JT, we all love you, even Chris and Steve and you’re pushin’ us all away. I don’t get it. Do you… Do you blame us for this?” Her voice cracks somewhere in the middle of the question, more tears streaming down her flushed cheeks.  
  
“The only person I blame is me,” Jared answers honestly. “And y’all will be better as soon as ‘m outta your lives.”  
  
“What about me?” she whispers.   
  
“You’ve got Steve.”  
  
“We’ve… We’ve been through  _everything_  together…”  
  
“Funny, I don’t remember seein’  _you_  there, getting beat or getting your ass split open.”  
  
She gasps, a sob tearing from her throat. “I can’t… I can’t believe you’d say that to me.”  
  
“Go to Steve, get married and have babies and have the wonderful fuckin’ life you deserve.” He turns away from her, staring at the wall. “Just leave me alone.”  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Steve, Chris and Jensen all look up when Gen stumbles down the stairs, her lips trembling and tears streaming down her cheeks. Steve goes to her immediately, pulling her against his chest and Jensen’s heart skips a few beats. “Jare?” he whispers, terrified that something happened to his boyfriend.  
  
She shakes her head and glances at Jensen, the most heartbreaking look on her face. “He… He doesn’t want any of us around,” she hitches a soft sob, “H-he said that once he’s b-better that he’s l-leaving.”  
  
Jensen frowns, shaking his head. Sure, he knows that Jared’s been through hell, but he can’t imagine him being so cruel to Genevieve or saying that he wants to leave. “What,” he pauses, clearing his too tight throat, “What’s that supposed to mean?”  
  
Gen sniffles and looks over at him again. “He said some really horrible things,” she whispers, turning her face into Steve’s chest. “Get me outta here? Please?”  
  
Jensen watches as Steve has to practically carry Gen out the door, turning to Chris once they’re gone. “What the hell?” he rasps.  
  
Chris heaves a sigh and shakes his head. “Man, the things that he went through… I’d be amazed if he ever comes back from this, Jenny. Victims of assault like this… They get angry. Really fuckin’ angry. And they are mean and horrible to the people closest to them, the people who love them, because they’re ashamed of what happened and want to push everyone away.”  
  
“What do I do?”  
  
“Get him to talk to someone. A professional, someone not in any way related to his personal life. He’s gonna push you away, Jen. And he’s gonna be cruel about it. He’s already done it with Genevieve.” Chris pushes himself up off the couch and claps Jensen on the shoulder. “Don’t push him. But don’t give up on him either. Not if you think it’s worth it.”  
  
At first, just like Chris predicted, Jared is abnormally cruel, trying his best to push Jensen away, to make him angry. He tells Jensen that there’s nothing between them anymore, screams at Jensen whenever he touches him, cringes like Jensen’s going to hit him every time Jensen has to clean and treat his wounds.  
  
But by the third day, Jared’s mostly catatonic, staring at the wall, won’t eat, won’t talk. He still flinches away from Jensen’s touch, his eyes squeezed closed, whimpering in the back of his throat even though Jensen doesn’t think he’s aware he’s even making the sound. His boyfriend is wasting away – dying – right in front of him, and there’s nothing he can do to stop it.  
  
He takes an obscene amount of money and hires the best therapist he can find in LA, has her come to the house. She’s a rape survivor herself so Jensen thinks that will help. She assures him that a lot of what Jared’s going through is natural but she is concerned about his complete lack of response to anything. Even though he knows Jared would hate it, he has her there while he treats Jared’s wounds. She watches silently, a furrow between her brow.   
  
They sit in the kitchen once Jensen’s done and her eyes are sympathetic when she looks at Jensen. “I’m not going to lie, Jensen,” she starts softly, “this is the worst case I’ve ever seen. He’s completely retreated into himself, trapped himself in his own head. He’s angry, there’s no doubt about that. But he’s terrified as well.”  
  
“But the bastard that did this is dead, he can’t hurt Jared anymore.”   
  
“That’s not what he’s afraid of, Jensen. He’s… He’s afraid that you’ll hate him, that you’ll see him as weak or dirty and you’ll not love him anymore. To him, that’s worse than anything that was done to his body.”  
  
“How…”  
  
“How do I know this if he won’t talk to me?” she supplies. Jensen nods. “I was married when I was attacked,” she confesses. “I did the same thing to my husband. Nearly succeed in pushing him away completely. Thankfully, he’s a wonderful man who stuck by me. But my biggest fear, even more so than my attacker coming back, was that he wouldn’t love me anymore. That he’d somehow end up blaming me.”  
  
“I’d never,” Jensen whispers. “I… I love him more’n anything or anyone. He’s… He’s my whole world.”  
  
“And I’m sure you’re his. And in his mind, he’s going to lose that, lose you.”  
  
~~~~~~  
  
He can hear the woman talking, vaguely remembers hearing her tell him that she’s a shrink and had been raped in college. But like hell if he can remember her name.  
  
She’s talking about Jensen. She does that a lot. Jared doesn’t want her to.   
  
“You know,” she says softly, one leg crossing over the other where she’s sitting in a chair next to the bed. He’s been out of the hospital for four days, at least he’s pretty sure that’s how long it’s been – the days have kind of started running together – but this is the only time she’s talked to him. Yesterday, at first, she just watched while Jensen tended to his wounds and tried to get Jared to eat. “Jensen loves you, very much. He’s worried about you, just wants you to get better.” Jared’s eyes flick to her and he frowns. Her head tilts to the side and she studies his face. “But you don’t want him to love you anymore, do you?” she asks after a long moment. “And you don’t want to talk about him.” She pauses, leaning down to catch his eyes again when he looks away. “It’s very easy, Jared. All you have to do to get me to stop is simply tell me to stop.”  
  
Jared doesn’t say anything so she spends the next 45 minutes talking about nothing but Jensen.  
  
The next day is more of the same. And the day after. She just won’t fucking  _stop_. Telling him how much Jensen misses him and loves him, how worried the older man is. Even mundane, stupid things; what Jensen had for breakfast, what he watched on TV.   
  
The next day, she doesn’t start the same way. Instead, she sits on the floor, her back to Jared, leaning against the mattress so she can stare at the same wall that he is. “What would you do if Jensen met someone else?” she asks softly. Of course, Jared doesn’t answer, but she continues anyway. “What if he does as you’re trying to get him to do? There’s a new young man that started coming in for therapy with him. Injured his knee playing football. Jensen mentioned him to me a few times. Had to cut my session short with him so that he could go help this other man. Matt, I think his name is.”  
  
It’s ultimately what Jared wants. He wants for Jensen to find someone else, someone not damaged, someone worthy of his unwavering love and devotion, someone who’s not a dirty, broken, used-up whore.   
  
If that’s the case, then why does it feel like his chest is caving in? Why does it feel like he can’t breathe and his heart is pounding dangerously against his ribs?  
  
“Stop,” Jared whispers, his throat tight and his voice hoarse from not being used in so long.  
  
“Stop what, Jared?” she urges, still not looking at him.  
  
“Stop talkin’ about Jensen.”  
  
“Why? I’m just letting you know what’s happening with the man that you’re staying with. If you want to push him away, this should make you happy.”  
  
“I…” Jared starts, gasping at the tears he feels stinging his eyes. He licks his lips, swallowing thickly, his voice still a low rasp. “He deserves better. He does. ‘m… broken, used. Dirty.”  
  
“You know that none of that matters to him, Jared,” she says softly. “He… he told me how you met. What’s happened in your past has never mattered to Jensen.”  
  
“This happened now,” Jared grits out. “I… I let myself believe in his fairy tale, believe in the fantasy. And it was ripped away from me.”  
  
“How does that make you feel? Do you blame Jensen?”  
  
“No!” he gasps. “’s not… Jensen was always amazin’ to me. This is by no means his fault. He… He’s the one that saved me.”  
  
“I thought it was Officer Kane that shot your attacker.”  
  
“It was but… Jensen was the one who got Chris there. Chris is Jensen’s friend.”  
  
“Who do you blame, Jared?”  
  
“Me,” he whispers. “If I wasn’t… If I wasn’t a whore, if I hadn’t spent two years sellin’ m’ass, this never would’a happened.”  
  
“You’d been off the streets for over six months at that point,” she argues. “You were a victim, Jared.” She pauses, letting the statement hang in the air for a moment. “How does that make you feel?”  
  
“Weak… Angry… Worthless…” He inhales deeply, only now noticing the tears streaming down his face. “Jensen has to clean and treat wounds on my back… my ass… He shouldn’t… He’s too good for me. He’s given me everything and I have nothing to give him in return…” His breath hitches on a sob. “I-I tried s-so hard to turn my life around, f-for him, for m-me. But my past will never let us go… He… He lost his family, everything because’a me. His parents know ‘m a whore. I… I wish I was dead. That Jeff killed me that night.”  
  
~~~~~~  
  
He doesn’t mean to listen but Jensen can’t convince himself to walk away from the slightly open door to Jared’s room. Sophia has finally got him talking and what he hears breaks his heart all over again.   
  
“Jensen doesn’t want anything from you other than your love, Jared,” she says softly. “You mean the world to him.”  
  
“H-how can that still be true? He… He saw. He knows what h-happened that night. Sees the proof again every time he has to take care’a my wounds. Six times a Goddamn day!”  
  
“He does that because he loves you.”  
  
“He does that because he pities me,” Jared argues. “He’s… he’s such an amazing man. M-maybe this new guy that he’s treatin’ at work’ll be good for him.” Jared’s voice breaks and Jensen clenches his hands into fists, tears pooling in his eyes.   
  
He off-handedly mentioned Matt to Sophia once – had to cut his individual session with her short on the second day – but it’s not like she’s trying to make it seem. Sure, the guy’s good looking, Jensen won’t deny that, but his beautiful wife Mandy is the one that brings him to every appointment because he can’t drive himself right now.   
  
“Is that what you want, Jared? For him to date Matt? For him to hold Matt in his arms? For him to love Matt?”  
  
“It doesn’t matter what I want,” Jared whispers miserably.  
  
“If it did,” Sophia urges, “If you felt like what you want mattered, is any of that what you want?”  
  
“No,” Jared breathes, so low Jensen can barely hear it, pretty sure Sophia has to struggle to hear it and she’s sitting right next to him.  
  
She clears her throat and Jensen peaks inside, can see her turning to face Jared finally. “Can I tell you something, Jared?” she asks softly.  
  
“Sure,” Jared shrugs.  
  
“As you know, I was attacked my sophomore year of college. That was actually what led me to being a therapist. I had a wonderful therapist myself, he’s the one that taught me that I’m not a rape victim, I’m a rape survivor. But anyway… I was newly married. Only six months. And I felt the exact same way that you feel right now. I tried to push my husband away, tried to make him angry, make him hate me. I couldn’t understand how he’d still want to be with me knowing what happened to me.”  
  
“What happened?” Jared whispers.  
  
Jensen can hear the smile in her voice when she says, “We just celebrated our 15 year anniversary. And we have two beautiful children.”  
  
Jared starts to cry harder, huge, hiccoughing sobs that wrack his whole body. To Jensen’s surprise, his boyfriend actually lets Sophia pull him into a hug. “Your Jensen is just like my Chad,” she whispers, running one hand over the back of his head. Jensen can see the maternal side of her for the first time and he can’t help but think that’s what Jared needs, a mother’s touch, a mother’s love. He curses both their mothers, hating that he had to bring a virtual stranger in to get that for Jared.   
  
Jared sucks in a sharp breath. “I… I don’t wanna lose him,” he rasps hoarsely.   
  
“You won’t, sweetie,” Sophia assures him, catching Jensen’s eye over Jared’s shoulder. Her smile is knowing, like she knew he was there the whole time. Knowing her just this short amount of time, she probably did. “Do you want to talk to Jensen?”  
  
“I… I’ve been horrible to him. He… he probably doesn’t wanna see me.”  
  
“That’s not really an answer, Jared,” she chides softly. “Do you  _want_  to?”  
  
“Yes,” Jared breathes.   
  
“Okay. Give me a minute, alright?”   
  
Sophia smiles when she steps out into the hallway, keeping her voice low. “As you heard, he’s had a break-through. It’s still not going to be easy. There’s still a lot to work through and I’ll still need to see you individually as well as together. He might even back-track some. But… Right now, he just needs you.”  
  
“Thanks, Soph,” Jensen rasps, tears streaming down his face as he pulls her into a hug.  
  
“’s what I do, Jensen.” She pulls back and smiles again. “I’ll see myself out, okay?”  
  
He nods and watches her go a moment before pushing open the door to the spare room. The few bad wounds Jared has are starting to finally heal and he can at least roll over onto his side now. That’s how Jensen finds him when he enters the room; curled up on his side. He moves around the bed, kneeling beside Jared. Glassy, red-rimmed hazel eyes meet his and Jared hitches another sob, his face crumpling. “Shh, baby,” Jensen whispers. “’m here, sweetheart. ‘m here.” He pulls Jared into his arms, his eyes sliding closed when Jared returns the embrace, burying his face in Jensen’s neck.  
  
“’m s-sorry, Jen,” Jared whispers, pressing his face impossibly closer.  
  
“You have nothin’ to be sorry for,” Jensen tells him softly.  
  
“I-I was horrible to you,” his breath hitches again, “and she said t-that you’ve found someone else.”  
  
“No, sweetheart,” Jensen argues, pulling back just enough to look down at Jared. “I do have a new client that I mentioned to her once. His name is Matt. His wife Mandy brings him to all his appointments.”  
  
Jared’s brow furrows and he silently searches Jensen’s eyes for a moment. “So, you… There’s nothin’ goin’ on?”  
  
“No, Jay,” Jensen reassures Jared, soft yet firm. “I told you, man. You’re it for me. I love  _you_. There’s no… ‘m not leavin’ you. Now or ever, ya hear?”  
  
Jared sniffles, nodding slightly. “I don’t… ‘m still a mess, Jen,” he confesses quietly.   
  
“That’s understandable, all things considered.”  
  
“But I wanna… I don’t wanna leave, don’t wanna push you away. Will you be patient with me?”  
  
“Of course, love,” Jensen whispers as he leans down to press a kiss to Jared’s cheek. To his surprise, Jared turns his head at the last second, briefly sliding their lips together.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
A month after Jared’s break-through – breakdown – with Sophia and Jensen, all of his external wounds are healed. Luckily, nothing scarred and when he looks in the mirror, there aren’t any visible reminders of what happened to him that night.  
  
Mentally, he’s doing somewhat better. He still has bad days, days where he’ll yell and scream at Jensen for no reason, cry and beg the other man to just leave him, let him go. Then there are days, stretches of two or three in a row, where he’ll hide in what’s now become his room, not seeing Jensen except when he would come in to clean and dress Jared’s wounds and force him to eat something. Those days are the worse, by far. The ones where he gets so caught up in his own head, in the memories and phantom sensations of rough hands and punishing thrusts.   
  
He alternates between angry and defeated and desperate and lonely. He wants things to go back to what they were with Jensen, wants to curl up in his arms and be able to feel safe again. Some days, it seems possible; he’s able to let Jensen touch him in a non-clinical manner – just rubbing his back or holding his hand or his arm around his shoulders, never anything sexual – and he can let himself kiss Jensen. But there are other days that even the thought of  _anyone_  touching him – even Jensen or Sophia or the rare occasions Gen stops by – makes his skin crawl, makes him want to slit his wrists or put a bullet in his head.  
  
The individual sessions with Sophia help. She’s actually pretty freaking amazing and he’s even met her husband; a loud, crass, crazy fucker that Jared thinks the old him would have really liked. Jensen mostly can’t stand Chad, the two constantly bickering and it’s the only time Jared laughs. He thinks maybe Jensen does it on purpose.  
  
The couple’s sessions – Sophia’s words, not his – are harder. He’s getting better about being able to talk to Jensen about some things but what Sophia wants them to talk about – what Jared knows they  _need_  to talk about – isn’t easy. She has Jared discuss his fears and insecurities and has Jensen discuss his own. They talk about their sex life before the attack and their expectations for the future. She makes him talk about what happened, in front of Jensen, and how it made him feel, what it made him think, and she makes him answer whether or not he thinks he’ll ever be able to be intimate with someone again. Jared’s not sure but if he can be, there’s no doubt in his mind that it’d only ever be with Jensen.   
  
When he was just a whore on the streets, Jensen was the only person that ever made him feel whole, feel alive, fuck, just plain _feel_. And he made Jared feel safe and loved. He still has that power and now more than ever before, that terrifies Jared. Sometimes, he thinks it would be easier if Jensen was an asshole, if he’s just go ahead and leave when Jared begs him to. Other times he can’t imagine going through any of this without Jensen.  
  
He wakes up from a nightmare – no surprise there – a silent scream frozen in his throat, his chest heaving, his heart pounding. For the first time in a month though, it’s a nightmare from the past not from what he went through with JD. He’s kind of stupidly relieved about that.  
  
Jensen’s sitting up against the headboard of his bed, glasses perched on his nose and a patient file draped across his lap. He looks up, startled to see Jared, and throws the file aside. Jared glances at the name – Matt Cohen – and something inside him breaks apart. Jensen told him that Matt was happily married – to a beautiful woman named Mandy – and they were expecting their first child and Jared believes him. But there was the  _possibility_  that it could’ve been more. And there’s always the possibility that the next handsome guy in Jensen’s office, on his table, under his hands, won’t be straight.  
  
Jensen hovers a few feet away – never closes the distance between them anymore himself – and Jared just wants his Goddamn life back!   
  
“Jared?” Jensen asks, soft and tentative.  
  
“Nightmare,” Jared rasps, running one hand through his hair. Jensen cringes and Jared sees his hands twitch at his sides, no doubt wanting to touch. Jared realizes with a start that he  _wants_  Jensen to. Not that he’d just force himself to let it happen, to tolerate it. He wants it.   
  
“Wanna talk about it?” Jensen whispers, holding his hand out, letting Jared take the lead.  
  
Jared swallows thickly and licks his lips; doesn’t miss the way Jensen’s eyes drop to follow the movement, licking his own reflexively. It’s still surprising to him sometimes that Jensen still wants him, still finds him attractive. “One from high school,” Jared replies quietly, reaching out his own hand, twining their fingers together.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Jared goes easily when Jensen leads him toward the bed, his boyfriend plopping down hard on the mattress. He still looks a little freaked out, his eyes wide and blown with fear. Jensen hates that Jared looks like that most days anymore. But, as screwed up as it sounds, he’s almost hopeful at what it may mean that Jared’s nightmare wasn’t about JD but about his past.  
  
Jared sighs shakily and looks over at Jensen when he sits down next to him, not close enough to touch – unless Jared wants to – but close enough that Jensen can feel the heat coming from the younger man’s body. Seriously, Jared always seems to run hotter than anyone Jensen’s ever met.   
  
He doesn’t push Jared to talk about his nightmare, Jared never has given him details, but he knows that if he  _wants_  to talk about it, Jensen will listen. So, even though he’s curious and thinks it might actually help Jared, he asks instead, “What can I do? What’d’ya need?”  
  
“Can… Can I stay in here?” Jared asks softly. “At least for a little while,” he quickly adds before Jensen can even answer. “I mean, I won’t bother you, you can still work if you need to.”  
  
“Jared,” Jensen interrupts softly, smiling when Jared’s lips snap closed and he looks up at Jensen with wide eyes, blinking rapidly. “’s okay, sweetheart. Seriously. You… You can stay in here whenever you want, ‘m not gonna stop you. And as for that,” he flails one hand toward the patient files sitting on the mattress behind them, “’m not even really working. It’s just… something to do to keep my mind occupied.”  
  
Jared nods, a quick jerk of his chin, and looks away. Sometimes, even with all he’s been through, Jared actually  _looks_  like the 21 year old that he is. “So, uh, what’d’ya wanna do? Wanna talk or we could play cards or something…” Jensen trails off, unsure. He knows that it’ll be hours before Jared can actually go back to sleep. Before, Jensen would hold him and whisper or sing softly to him in the dark bedroom. Now, he’s not so sure what Jared wants – or needs – from him. “Just… whatever you need, okay?”  
  
Jared glances over at him again quickly, a slight blush creeping across his sharp cheekbones. He’s picking up weight again, finally letting Jensen feed him, but he’s still not as fit as he was before the attack, the angles of his face sharper. “Can you do like before?” Jared whispers.  
  
“Of course, baby,” Jensen says softly. He pushes himself up off the mattress and grabs his files, tossing them on the dresser. He leaves the door open, letting a bit of light from the hallway spill into the room, then shuts off the light in the bedroom. Jared’s already on what has always been his side of the bed, the light sheet drawn up over his legs, pooling around his lean hips. He looks up at Jensen, his wide eyes tracking his every move, and Jensen crawls into bed next to him, leaning mostly up against the headboard.   
  
Jared hesitates for just a moment before curling up against Jensen’s side, his head resting right over Jensen’s heart and Jensen automatically wraps one arm around his shoulders. Pressing a kiss to the top of Jared’s head, he lets his lips linger when he asks softly, “What’d’ya wanna talk about?”  
  
He hears – and feels – Jared inhale deeply before the younger man’s fingers slide slowly, tentatively, over his ribs. Just that small touch sends a shiver down Jensen’s spine. He hasn’t even touched himself since all this started and he’d be lying if he said this wasn’t affecting him. “I… I wanna move back in here with you,” Jared finally says, voice soft and unsure. “If that’s okay.”  
  
“Of course,” Jensen assures. “Whatever you want.”  
  
“I want my life back, Jen,” Jared continues. “I don’t wanna be afraid anymore. I want you to be able to touch me when you want to, to not have’ta wait to see what kinda mood ‘m in or to wait for me to do it. I… I want you to hold me and kiss me and I want you to not look at me like ‘m broken, even though I know I still am,” he pauses, taking another steading breath, “I wanna try to get back what we had. I don’t know how it’ll work or how long it’ll take but I wanna try.”  
  
Jensen swallows thickly and rubs his fingers along Jared’s shoulder. “Okay,” he whispers, his throat thick with emotion. “I… I’ll do whatever you need, Jared. You know that.”  
  
“I do,” Jared agrees. “And I… Thanks.”  
  
“For what?” Jensen urges softly when Jared doesn’t continue.  
  
“For everything. But mostly, for not givin’ up on me, even when I was beggin’ you to. For not lettin’ me push you away. For not leavin’ me, even though you probably should’a.”  
  
Jensen sighs and presses another kiss to the top of Jared’s head. “’m never gonna give up on you, Jay. I know that you were hurting and that you were angry and you had every right to be.”  
  
“But I shouldn’t’a taken it out on you,” Jared argues. “You… God, Jensen, you’re the kindest, most amazing person I’ve ever met and I honestly don’t deserve you… Even before this happened.”  
  
It’s an old argument that Jensen doesn’t think will ever end. Jensen doesn’t agree with Jared and Jared will never see it any other way. “I love you,” Jensen responds instead of going back and forth over something that neither of them will truly ever win.  
  
He can feel Jared’s smile against his chest when he says, “I love you, too.”  
  
~~~~~~  
  
They lapse into silence for a few moments and Jared just listens to the sound of Jensen’s heart, strong and sure and steady under his head. That, along with Jensen’s arm around his shoulders, has always managed to make Jared feel safe; the only thing that’s ever managed that.   
  
“Can…Can I try somethin’?” Jared eventually forces himself to ask before he loses his nerve.  
  
“’course,” Jensen replies, not even hesitating. Sometimes, it still amazes Jared how much Jensen trusts him.  
  
“I don’t know if it’s gonna work,” Jared mumbles, sliding his hand down Jensen’s ribcage, feeling the muscles move when Jensen breathes. “But I wanna try.”  
  
He doesn’t wait for Jensen’s reply, just shifts over enough so that he can slide his hand across the front of Jensen’s sweats. The older man is half-hard and his hips jerk reflexively as his breath catches in the chest. “Jare?” he whispers, almost frantic, sounding more nervous than Jared, if that’s possible. He can’t stop the giggle that bursts out of his chest, feeling lighter than he has in longer than he can remember.  
  
“’s okay, Jensen,” Jared assures his boyfriend. Because it is. The fear or repulsion Jared was half-expecting isn’t there, just a low-grade arousal starting low in his stomach. Feeling bolder, Jared curls his fingers around Jensen’s shaft through the material, smiling when Jensen moans softly.  
  
After a few moments, Jared pulls away, his eyes sweeping over Jensen. The front of his sweats is tented obscenely and he can just barely make out the want and lust and love and pleasure painting Jensen’s features. He only hesitates briefly before tugging Jensen’s sweats down and off, gasping softly when he sees bare flesh instead of the boxer briefs he was expecting. And for some reason, that’s way hotter than it should be.   
  
He grabs Jensen again and smears his fingers through the pre-come leaking from his slit, using it to help smooth his strokes. Jensen’s unnaturally quiet, watching Jared intently, his eyes wide, barely blinking. “Talk to me, Jen? Please?” Jared’s doing okay, but he thinks hearing Jensen’s voice,  _knowing_  that this is his boyfriend, will help.  
  
Jensen hums low in the back of his throat and he slides one hand through Jared’s hair. “Did I ever tell you what the first thing I noticed about you was?” Jensen asks, his tone soft and breathy, a hint of that whiskey-rough growl that makes Jared’s whole body tingle.  
  
“No,” Jared replies, darting a glance up at Jensen. He means to look away but he gets caught up in that intense emerald-green gaze. “Most people notice m’ass first,” Jared adds, teasingly.  
  
“Not me,” Jensen gasps when Jared twists his wrist under his swollen cock-head. “God, baby…” he breathes, shaking his head, “I… it was your eyes,” he confesses, his back arching a bit when Jared’s other hand gently cups his balls, rolling the arousal-tight flesh between his fingers, “So good… And your smile…”  
  
“Yeah?” Jared whispers, licking his lips, surprised when he feels his own cock hardening in his sleep pants. “What,” he pauses, swallowing thickly, his throat feeling like it’s lined in cotton, “What else? Tell me more, babe.”  
  
“Ngh…” Jensen’s head flops to the side, staring up at Jared, his hand sliding from Jared’s hair, down his cheek, “That first night at the motel… Fuck, Jare, just like that… I was so freakin’ nervous.” Jared actually thinks it’s pretty freaking amusing, and oddly hot, that they’re having this conversation  _now_ , of all times. “But I wanted you so fuckin’ bad… Wanted you since the first night I saw you.”  
  
Jared twists his wrist again, tugging gently on Jensen’s sac. His boyfriend’s hips jerk up, a low moan tearing from his bitten-red lips. Unable to resist those tempting, plush lips, Jared leans down and kisses Jensen, swiping his tongue over the soft, hot flesh. Jensen pulls away with a gasp, his fingers digging into the flesh behind Jared’s ear where he’s still cradling Jared’s cheek. “’m gonna come, baby,” he warns frantically.  
  
“Do it, Jen,” Jared urges, mesmerized by the pleasure twisting Jensen’s features.   
  
He collapses against the mattress, his chest heaving, a small smile curling up his lips. Jared sits up on his knees, pushing his sleep pants and boxers down to his thighs, his fingers curling around his own cock. Using Jensen’s release to help slick the way, Jared starts to stroke his own painful length. He doesn’t think he can have Jensen touch him yet but at least this is a step in the right direction. “Keep talkin’,” he commands, barely recognizing his own hoarse tone.  
  
Jensen licks his lips, still a little breathless, and scoots closer to Jared. “Can I… Can I touch you? Somewhere?”  
  
Jared grabs his hand and rests it on his hip, moaning when Jensen’s thumb immediately brushes over the bone. “Tell me what else you wanna know,” Jensen urges softly.   
  
“Shit,” Jared breathes, sliding his thumb over his cock-head. “More ‘bout our first night… Fuck, Jensen…”  
  
“Mm,” Jensen hums, “Keep goin’, baby… That night… God, Jared, it was amazin’. I knew… I knew even that soon that I loved you, that I needed you. The way you looked down at me when you were ridin’ m’cock,” Jensen licks his lips, his spent cock twitching against his stomach, “The way your back arched when I wrapped my fingers around your cock, the feeling of you coming for me, because of me… Best feelin’ in the world, baby. Love that I could give you so much pleasure. Wanna spend the rest’a my life givin’ you whatever you need.”  
  
Jared’s orgasm hits him like a freight train, so violent it almost hurts. His shoulders curl inward, his release painting over Jensen’s abs, mixing with the pearly-white streaks of Jensen’s release.   
  
~~~~~~  
  
Jensen barely has time to catch Jared when he collapses forward, a soft grunt escaping his lips when Jared’s weight hits his chest. “You okay?” he whispers, fingers twitching with the urge to touch, to soothe.   
  
“’m good,” Jared mutters, words smeared against his chest, his arms wrapping around Jensen’s waist. It’s got to awkward and uncomfortable for Jared – it’s not really all that great on Jensen either – but he doesn’t try to move, or get Jared to, too stupidly happy that Jared is back in his arms, in his bed, and that they seemed to make some progress tonight.   
  
Thinking about what Jared confessed, Jensen doesn’t wait for Jared to say it’s okay, just brings one hand up, gently rubbing across Jared’s shoulders. The younger man tenses for just a moment then Jensen hears him sigh and his body relaxes, melting down against Jensen’s chest.   
  
He loses track of how long they lie there but it still feels all too soon when Jared shifts a bit and curls up against his side instead of being sprawled across his chest. Jared’s eyes are bright – not as bright as the six months before when things were good and Jared finally started believing things would be okay but it’s an improvement – and he smiles softly, just a hint of those adorable dimples. “So, that went fairly well, I think,” Jared mutters.   
  
A surprised chuckle bursts from Jensen’s lips and before he can think about it, he pulls Jared into a kiss. Thankfully, Jared kisses him back, smiling against his lips.   
  
Jensen’s not stupid, he knows that it’s going to take more than this to make everything okay again, to make Jared okay again, but it’s definitely a promising start.   
  
Jared moves back into the bedroom with him the next day. He lets Jensen hold him at night, whispering to him when the nightmares come. Jared seems to be getting more comfortable with physical contact again, jerking Jensen off while letting Jensen’s hands wonder over his hips and back and thighs. A week after the first night Jared came into his room, he shoves Jensen’s hand between his legs, wrapping Jensen’s fingers around his cock, Jared’s head thrown back in ecstasy as he comes all over Jensen’s hip.   
  
It’s like they’re both virgins all over again, working up to more and more – blow jobs and rutting together – until a month later, when Jared fucks Jensen. It’s slow going and a little painful – Jensen had only done it once before – but they both get off. Jared ends up crying, face buried in Jensen’s chest, while he apologizes over and over for hurting Jensen.   
  
For a week, Jared goes back to the spare room and they’re back to living like strangers and Jensen barely sees his boyfriend for those seven miserable days.  
  
When Jared comes back to him on the 8th night, he’s a little better and Jensen proceeds to show Jared that it’s okay – that he liked it – by fingering himself while Jared watched. After that, it gets better again, Jared still not perfectly okay with it, but more willing to try and they fuck a few times.   
  
Jensen frowns when he hears a knock at the door. It’s been two and a half months since Jared’s attack and the only people that stop by are Sophia and Chad or Chris or Steve and Gen. Sophia just left an hour ago and Gen was here this morning, so Jensen’s honestly not sure who the hell could be at his door.  
  
His frown deepens when he opens up and finds Danneel on the other side, her long red hair sweeping over one shoulder and her dark eyes glinting in the bright light from the sun. Jared’s upstairs, writing his daily entry in his journal – which he does alone at Sophia’s suggestion; they have one that they write in together – and once he’s done, they were going to share a shower and make some lunch, hang out together all day and turn in early. Jared is going to come to work with Jensen in the morning, wanting to see what he does all day. And Jensen suspects it’s partly to see who Jensen interacts with all day as well. Sometimes, Jared still has horrible bouts of insecurity.  
  
“Danni,” Jensen mutters, closing the door almost all the way behind him. “What’re you doin’ here?”  
  
Danneel narrows her eyes and pushes past Jensen, right inside the house. “What? Not gonna invite me in? That’s pretty rude. I know your momma raised you better than that.” She pauses, her head tilted to the side and a cool, menacing look in her eyes. “But then again she also didn’t raise you to bend over and spread it for a hooker so…” she trails off, shrugging one shoulder as she moves further into the house.  
  
Jensen kept mostly everything the same when she moved out and he can see her taking everything in, trying to find changes, her gaze thoughtful. That is, until she gets to the pictures.  
  
Jensen had always loved photography. It was one of his favorite past-times as a kid and teenager. But when he met Danni, she discouraged it, telling him that it was silly and it would never get him anywhere. Since he left her, and found a perfect muse in the man upstairs, he’d picked up his camera again, always snapping pictures of Jared, both then and now.  
  
She stops at one of Jensen’s favorites, her nose wrinkled in disgust. Jared is lying mostly on his stomach, stark-white sheet an amazing contrast to his tan skin, the thin cotton draped over the rise of his hip, barely showing off the swell of his bare ass. He’s got one arm under the pillow and the other is spread out across the empty side of the bed – Jensen’s side – and his leg is bent up slightly. His hair is falling in messy waves over the pillow and his lips are softly parted in sleep. Peace and happiness radiate from the man, evident even from the glossy page.   
  
Jensen took it two weeks ago.   
  
There’s a nearly identical one next to it, taken the morning after they got their test results back and Jensen fucked Jared bare for the first time. Aside from the slightly sharper angles of Jared’s features and a little less bulk, the pictures are almost exactly the same.   
  
It speaks volumes to Jensen.  
  
Danneel clears her throat and his gaze snaps to hers, realizes that he’d been staring at the pictures, his mind a million miles away.   
  
“I asked you a question, Jensen,” Danneel hisses.   
  
“What? I missed it.”  
  
Danneel sighs and turns away from the wall – dozens of pictures of Jared, a few of them together and a few of their friends. “I asked, when are you going to come to your senses and stop this charade?”   
  
Jensen frowns, shaking his head. “’s not a charade, Danni,” he grits out.  
  
“Oh, come on,” Danneel practically yells, as uncivilized and emotional as he’d ever seen her get. “I know that you’re just… You’re confused, Jensen. You have to be. I… I pushed you too hard on the marriage thing, I know that now. But you can’t make me believe that you’re… that you’re in love with this, this  _whore_.”  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Pain shoots through Jared’s heart and he stumbles to a halt half-way down the stairs. Danneel is standing in the hallway, right by Jensen’s pictures – Jared still doesn’t know why his boyfriend insists on taking pictures of him but it seems to make Jensen happy so Jared’s not going to argue – and she’s essentially yelling at Jensen. About him.  
  
Jensen looks up, their eyes locking, and Jared feels the sting of tears. He shakes his head, hears Jensen mutter a harsh, “Fuck,” and take a step closer to him. “Jare,” he says softly, one hand held out, his movements slow and careful like Jared is a wild, injured animal. In some ways, he is.  
  
Jensen’s hand slides up his arm, his fingers familiar and strong on Jared’s neck. “Shh, baby,” Jensen whispers. “’s okay, ’m here.”  
  
But all Jared can hear is JD’s voice, loud in his ear, like the bastard is standing right next to him.  _You think he loves you? That he’ll ever love you? You’re nothin’ but a whore._  
  
He is vaguely aware of a low, wounded noise filling the air, belatedly realizing it came from him, before he bolts for the front door. He keeps running, thankful for his long legs and the surprise that likely left Jensen frozen for a few precious seconds, long enough for Jared to get away.   
  
In the months since his attack, the thought of fleeing was always in the back of his mind. He just wasn’t ever sure if he could do it, if he was truly strong enough to run away from Jensen.   
  
Turns out that he is.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Jensen stares wide-eyed at the open front door, his mind – his heart – not able to process what he knows that he just saw. Jared ran. Jared left. Jared  _left_  him.  
  
Danneel’s small, delicate hand slides up his arm and she leans against him, her head resting on the curve of his shoulder. “’s for the best, Jensen,” she says softly but she sounds smug, victorious. It makes him furious.   
  
“Don’t,” he growls, stepping away from her. He rubs at the back of his neck, then runs one hand over his mouth, up through his hair. He needs to fix this, he needs to go get Jared before his boyfriend does something stupid. He saw the look in Jared’s eyes, knew what he was thinking. Jensen spins around, his fury having only one place to go, straight at her. “Fuck, can’t you get it, Danni? I love him. Okay? It wasn’t about me gettin’ cold feet about marryin’ you,” he stalks over to his jacket and grabs the small, velvet box he’s been carrying around for weeks, “’m not afraid’a marriage,” he opens the lid and shows her the thick, platinum band, “It’s just got to be with the right person. And that’s Jared.”  
  
“He’s a hooker, Jensen!” she yells, flailing her arms around. “How the hell can you love someone like that? How can you trust that he isn’t out fuckin’ everyone that gives him the time of day?”  
  
Jensen’s never hit a woman. But it’s taking every ounce of strength he has not to throttle her where she stands. He won’t tell her what Jared’s been through, it’s not her business and it wouldn’t matter. In her mind, Jared is less than human and she’d probably say he deserved it for selling his ass to JD in the first place.  
  
“Because I know him, Danni,” he answers instead. “Because he never wanted that life. He’s not some common slut. But you know what? This isn’t any of your concern.  _I’m_  not any of your concern. Go away. Don’t come back.”  
  
“Your parents are worried, Jen…”  
  
“Stop,” he cuts her off harshly. “My parents made their choice. They don’t want a fag for a son, well then I’m not their son anymore.”  
  
He grabs his cell as he heads out the door, not sure which way Jared would have even went. Sophia answers on the second ring. “Jay’s gone,” Jensen manages to tell her, his throat threatening to close up.  
  
“What?”  
  
“He ran. We… There was a problem, my ex showed up. Jared bolted. I don’t know where he is.”  
  
“Okay, Jensen, breathe,” she waits for him to take a few breathes, “Alright. Call Steve, Gen and Chris. Me and Chad will set out as well. We’ll find him.”  
  
“Soph,” his voice cracks on her name, “’m not sure we’ll find him alive. It was… It’s bad.”  
  
“Positive thoughts, Jen.”  
  
He hangs up but before he can call his friends, he feels Danni’s hand on his arm again. He looks down at her, sees her dark eyes wide and frightened. “He’s suicidal?” she whispers.  
  
For a moment, he sees the Danneel that he fell in love with and something inside him breaks. “He… He was attacked a few months ago. Beaten and raped, almost killed. Chris shot the fucker that did it but Jay…” his voice cracks again on Jared’s name, “Jay’s not handlin’ it well. Thinks he deserved it ‘cause’a what he once was.”  
  
“Oh, Jensen,” she breathes, her hand pressing against her chest. “That’s… God, that’s horrible. No one deserves that.”  
  
For a moment, Jensen’s stunned. “Thought you said he’s nothin’ but a whore?”  
  
“That… No matter what I think or feel about him, he didn’t deserve to go through that.” Her voice is a low, harsh whisper and a light bulb goes off in Jensen’s head.  
  
“How old were you?”  
  
“14,” she whispers, tears streaming down her cheeks when she looks up at him. “A… a friend of my parents.”  
  
He pulls her into a hug, his heart breaking for her. “Oh, sweetheart.” He presses a kiss to the top of her head and rubs her back. “I really didn’t mean to hurt you, Danni,” he whispers against the auburn strands.  
  
“I know,” she says softly. “Just… I’m sorry for the way I’ve been acting, for the things I’ve said. I just… it hurt like hell losing you.” She sniffles and pulls away, giving him a small, forced smile. “Let me help?”  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Honestly, Jared doesn’t know where he’s going, doesn’t hear Jensen – or anyone else for that matter –behind him, so he just keeps running. It’s not fear that Jensen will go back to Danneel that caused him to flee. No, it was the reminder, once again, of who he is, of what happened to him.   
  
His chest is heaving, his lungs burning and he’s got a sharp pain in his side. He needs to rest for a second. He stops, looking around to see if he can get his bearings. He’s not sure if he should scream, cry, or laugh – maybe all three – when he realizes that he ended up right outside Steve’s bar.   
  
He ducks behind the back, not wanting to risk anyone seeing him, and leans against the wall, sliding down until he’s sitting. He doesn’t want to be here, doesn’t want to run, but he just doesn’t know how to go back. Jensen will forgive him, Jensen always forgives him, but Jared can’t forgive himself. He’d been so sure that he was getting better, that he was actually dealing with what happened and was able to move on. But a few cutting words from a girl that he doesn’t really know, that really shouldn’t matter, tore him down again.   
  
Tears stream down his face and he notices a broken beer bottle sitting in the dirt next to him. The brown glass glints in the warm California sun and Jared feels something inside him break. Coming here, running away from home, was supposed to be a fresh start. But he’s no better off here than he was in Texas.   
  
He picks up the bottle and turns it over in his fingers. It’s Jensen’s favorite brand.   
  
Jensen.   
  
God, he loves Jensen, so much it hurts. Much more than he ever thought himself capable of loving someone. And he knows that the older man is probably worried sick right now, not knowing where Jared is, what he’s doing. The bottle is a warm, unfamiliar weight in his hand and Jared tilts his head, sees a hint of his reflection in the smooth surface.   
  
“Jared!”  
  
Jared jerks at the sound of his name, the unfamiliar yet familiar female voice. He looks up, his eyes going wide when he sees Danneel kneeling in front of him. The knees of her designer pants are covered in mud and he can’t help frowning. She’s not the kind of girl who would willingly get dirty like that.  
  
“Oh, shit,” she mutters and he flinches when she grabs his hand, not sure what she’s going to do to him. Before he can blink, she rips at the hem of her shirt and wraps the torn piece around his wrist. “Jared,” she repeats, the hand not cutting off circulation on his wrist cupping his jaw. “Can you hear me? Say something. Please?”  
  
“Wha-“ he stops, clearing his throat, not sure why he sounds so tired or why his voice is so soft, odd sounding, “What’re you doin’?” he manages to mutter.  
  
“Everyone’s looking for you, Jared,” she explains, her voice soft and friendly and for the first time ever, Jared thinks he sees what Jensen saw in her.  
  
“Why… you?” Jared slurs, his eyes getting heavy for some reason. God, he’s so tired. And confused. He wants Jensen. “Jensen?”  
  
“I… I heard Jensen talking to someone named Sophia,” she says, tone still soft and sweet, and she pushes the hair back off his forehead. “And I wanted to help.” She smiles sadly and he can see tears glinting in her dark eyes. “I gotta call Jen, okay, Jared?” she whispers, her tone breaking a little and Jared wants to comfort her. But he can’t seem to move. Or focus on her that well, for that matter.  
  
“I got him,” Jared hears Danni say, “Behind Steve’s. And, Jen. Hurry.” She looks back down at Jared, a few tears streaking down her flushed cheeks. She’s still extremely pretty. “Jen’s on his way, alright? He’ll be here in a few. Just hang on, ‘kay?”  
  
Jared wants to, he really does, wants to see Jensen so bad. But the exhaustion won’t let him. The last thing he hears is Danneel whispering his name.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
After Danni’s frantic call, Jensen calls Steve and Chris, instructing them to call an ambulance, not liking one bit the implication in Danni’s words. Or the tears he could hear in her voice. He pulls up to the bar a few minutes later, not even bothering to shut off the engine before throwing open the door, heading for the back at a dead-run. Jared’s slumped against the back wall, his head lolling forward, and Danni’s kneeling in front of him, one delicate hand wrapped around his wrist. He can see the white silk of her shirt, stained red with blood, and his heart stops for a second.   
  
“Jay,” he breathes.  
  
Danni looks up, tears streaking down her face, and her bottom lip wibbles. “Jensen,” she whimpers.  
  
Finally able to move, Jensen runs forward, dropping to his knees beside Danni. Her shirt is torn at the bottom and a surge of love goes through him. Maybe she’s seen the error of her ways. He gently takes Jared’s wrist, prying her hand away, wanting to puke at the blood all over her porcelain skin. He pulls the edge of the shirt away, his breath hitching at the jagged four inch cut down the middle of Jared’s wrist. “Fuck,” he whispers, his other hand trembling as he presses his fingers to Jared’s neck. There’s a pulse, weak and thready, but it’s there.   
  
“When I saw him,” Danni whispers and Jensen jumps, almost forgetting that she was there, “he had just…” she flails her hand, swallowing thickly, “He was… I don’t know, Jen. Lost. Vacant. I don’t think he knew that he even did it.” She pauses, inhales deeply. “I got him to talk to me for a minute, but he was already really weak.”  
  
Before he can say anything else, he hears the sirens, the sounds of heavy footsteps. He looks up and sees the EMTs with Chris. Steve, Gen, Sophia and Chad all come toward them. Gen’s eyes widen and she lets out the most horrific, miserable wail and falls into Steve’s arms. Jensen licks his lips and moves away only when the paramedic makes him. It reminds him of the night Jared was attacked.  
  
He helps Danni to her feet and doesn’t say anything when she grabs his hand, leading them to his car. They already got Jared into the ambulance and Danni slips into the driver’s side of his car, waiting until he’s in as well before pulling away from the curb, following Chris’ cruiser.  
  
Jensen sits in the uncomfortable chair in the waiting room, everyone else taking seats around him, talking softly. But he can’t focus on any of it, his mind a mess of thought and emotions. Is it really possible that Jared didn’t know what he was doing? That it was an accident? Or was he actually trying to kill himself? The thought makes Jensen sick, makes him angry, which makes him feel guilty. To his surprise, Sophia plops down in the chair next to him, taking one of his hands in her own. He gives her a small, tired smile and shakes his head.   
  
“You know,” she starts softly, her eyes full of compassion. “This doesn’t mean anything other than a set-back. He… He’s been doing really well, Jensen. But he’s still not a hundred percent better.” She stops, sighing softly. “And it’s okay to be angry.”  
  
“How… How can I be angry at him? He… He needs me and I…” Jensen trails off, shaking his head.  
  
“If he did this on purpose, which we still don’t know, it’s… Being angry doesn’t mean that you love him any less, Jensen. He was obviously hurting, but instead of coming to you, talking to you, like we discussed, he ran.”  
  
Jensen shakes his head, tears stinging his eyes again. “How… How could he think this was okay?” he whispers, his heart pounding against his ribs. “If Danni hadn’t… He knows what that would’a done to me.” He pauses, swallowing thickly. “God, how could he have been so selfish?”  
  
Sophia gives him a small smile, like that’s what she was waiting for him to say, and leans forward to press a kiss to his cheek. Somewhere along the way, they’ve become friends. “If it helps any, I don’t think he wanted to kill himself,” she says softly and Jensen flinches at the words. “I think he was lost and confused and hurting and that his mind just kinda… shut down.”  
  
~~~~~~  
  
There’s a loud, incessant beeping noise that pulls Jared awake and he wishes like hell that it would stop. He tries to roll over, to reach for Jensen, have him see what the noise is, but he can’t move. His eyes snap open as he registers the all-too-familiar sensation of restraints on his wrists and ankles and panic sets in immediately.  
  
“Jensen,” he rasps, looking around frantically for his boyfriend, unable to sit up enough to really get a good look around him.   
  
Concerned, emerald-green eyes appear in front of him and he can’t help but whimper softly. “Shh, love,” Jensen whispers, pushing the hair back off his forehead. “’m right here. You’re okay.” Jared tries to reach for him again, blinking back helpless tears when he can’t. “’s okay,” Jensen repeats, reaching down to grab his hand. “You… You’re in the hospital, Jay,” he explains, his thumb softly moving over Jared’s knuckles. “What’d’ya remember?”  
  
Jared closes his eyes, tries to remember but it’s all kind of hazy and jumbled up. “I… I remember writing in my journal,” he whispers, finally reopening his eyes to look up at Jensen. “We… we were gonna make lunch and hang out all day. That… after that it all gets a little fuzzy.” Jensen smiles sadly, his thumb brushing across Jared’s knuckles again where he’s still loosely holding his hand. “Why am I in the hospital, Jen?”  
  
“You… Danni was at the house and she said some shit that you overheard. You took off outta the house and ended up at Steve’s bar. Danni found you back there and you,” Jensen pauses, swallows thickly, and Jared can see the sheen of tears in Jensen’s eyes, “You cut yourself on a broken beer bottle.”  
  
“I don’t… I don’t remember any of that, Jensen,” Jared says frantically, starting to feel panic rising in his chest.  
  
“Shh, ‘s okay,” Jensen soothes. “I know, it’s okay. If you… Even if you weren’t tryin’ to hurt yourself, the hospital still has to hold you for three days,” Jensen says softly, regret thick in his tone.  
  
“I don’t think I was tryin’ to,” Jared whispers. He closes his eyes again, feels a few tears streak down his cheeks. “’m sorry, Jen. I know this is the last damn thing you need. To have’ta worry that ‘mma kill myself on top’a everything else you gotta deal with.”  
  
“Stop, Jared,” Jensen interrupts. “Just… Stop it, okay? Yeah, it hurts that this happened and I’m confused and worried and I just want you to be okay. But, damnit, Jared. Don’t you get it yet? I love you, okay? And we’ll get through this. It’s gonna be okay, I promise.”  
  
Before Jared can respond, there’s a knock at the door and Sophia sticks her head in. “Hey, guys,” she says softly as she enters the room fully. “Glad to see you up, Jay.” She smiles and leans down, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “They, uh, they want you to talk to someone and since I’m already your therapist, I pushed them to let me do it.”  
  
“Thanks, Soph,” Jared whispers.  
  
“No problem, sweetie. I didn’t think you’d be comfortable talking to anyone else.” She pulls a chair up and sits down next to the bed. “So, do you want Jensen to stay or do you want to do this alone?”  
  
Jared’s eyes dart over to Jensen, relaxing when the older man gives him a nod. “I’d like him to stay,” he says softly.  
  
“Okay, no problem. Walk me through what happened. Whatever you remember.”  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Jensen watches as Jared struggles through telling Sophia what he remembers from that day. He can’t seem to get past coming downstairs, doesn’t remember seeing – or hearing – Danni or running off. Certainly doesn’t remember what happened behind the bar or how he got the cut on his wrist.   
  
Jared gets agitated and Sophia tells him is okay that he doesn’t remember but Jensen can tell that it’s not okay with Jared. And if he knows anything about his stubborn boyfriend, he’ll pick at this until he does remember.  
  
They sit until Jared falls into a restless sleep and even though he doesn’t want to leave Jared’s side, he wants to talk to Sophia about this in private.  
  
She stops just outside the door, leans back against the wall and looks expectantly up at Jensen. He smiles down at her as best he can. “How bad is it?”  
  
“Not as bad as it seems.”  
  
“What about the memory issue?”  
  
“People block things out that they can’t deal with,” she says softly. “More than likely, whatever Danneel said, it somehow reminded him of what happened with his attacker.”  
  
“You know he’ll push and pick at it until he remembers, right?”  
  
Sophia chuckles. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure he will. He may never remember it, or may only remember parts of it. Either way, we just need to be there for him.”  
  
“Do you think he did it on purpose?”  
  
“No, I really don’t. I think he was confused and scared and probably angry. But I honestly don’t think he meant to kill himself.” She pauses, heaving a soft sigh. “Once he’s a little better, it’s something that I’ll have to push to get him to talk about.”  
  
Jensen nods and watches her walk away before heading back into the room with Jared. He looks so young, peaceful, when he sleeps and Jensen can’t help but curse the life that he’s had and he hates that there’s not much more he can do to make things better for Jared.  
  
Sophia comes by every day that Jared’s in the hospital and they talk, sometimes with Jensen there, sometimes without, and before long, it’s time to take Jared home. He’s almost expecting his boyfriend to retreat to the spare room upstairs but to his surprise – and delight – Jared goes into their room and curls up in bed. Jensen checks on him once but otherwise just lets him be.   
  
A few days after Jared’s release, Jensen is in his office at home, going through some patient files, when Jared pokes his head in the door. Jensen smiles when he looks up, pushing himself away from his desk. “C’mon in,” he urges softly.  
  
Jared nods and moves further into the room, around the side of the desk, his ass resting against the wood. Jensen turns his chair and scoots forward so that his legs are between Jared’s and his arms wrap around the younger man’s waist. He looks up, head tilted to the side as he studies Jared’s face. “What’s up?”  
  
“I… I think I remember,” Jared says softly, bringing one hand up, his fingers trailing lightly down the side of Jensen’s face.  
  
“Okay,” Jensen whispers, his throat tightening with emotion. He knew that Jared would push himself but in a way, he’d kind of hoped that Jared never remembered, is afraid that it will cause more set-backs. “You wanna talk about it?”  
  
Jared sighs and drops his hand, his fingers twisting together in the hem of his own t-shirt. “I remember hearing voices, arguing. You and Danni. When I came down the stairs, she had said something about you being with me and me being a whore,” Jared pauses, licks his lips and Jensen’s heart slams against his chest. Deep down, he knew that was what happened, but hearing the confirmation hurts more than he realized it would. Jared continues, voice almost mechanical and Jensen hates the lack of emotion. “When she said it, all I could hear was JD’s voice that night. He, uh, he said that you’d never love me, that I’m nothin’ but a whore. So I ran. I just… I just had to get away. From her, from the memories, from everything. I didn’t… I don’t know how I got to Steve’s, I just kept running until I had to stop and rest. I remember looking at the broken bottle, holding it in my hand. The glass was sun warmed and it glinted in the light. It was your favorite brand. I don’t… I don’t remember cutting myself. But I wasn’t… I didn’t tryin’ to kill myself, Jen, I swear. At least, I don’t think I did.” Jared inhales deeply, exhales shakily. “Anyway, that’s when Danneel found me.”  
  
Tears burn the back of Jensen’s eyes but he bites them back, focusing all his attention on Jared. “I’m sorry that you had to hear that,” he says softly. “’specially when it’s the furthest thing from the truth.”  
  
Jared sighs, shakes his head, and cups Jensen’s cheek. “But it’s not the furthest thing from the truth. I was, for a long damn time…”  
  
“But you’re not anymore,” Jensen cuts in gently. “And really, what happened before, it doesn’t matter, Jared. That’s what I’ve been trying to get you to see all this time. You… Circumstances that were beyond your control lead you there. It sucks, sure. But that’s the past. This, us, what we have, that’s the future. None of it matters to me, baby. At least not the way you think it does.”  
  
Jared smiles, his hand sliding behind Jensen’s head, fingers idly playing with the short hair at the nape of his neck. “Okay,” he whispers. “I… I get it, alright?” He pauses, dipping down to press a kiss to Jensen’s lips. “You gonna be much longer?” he asks softly as soon as their lips part.  
  
“No, I really was just kinda wastin’ time. Keepin’ myself busy.”  
  
“Come to bed,” Jared whispers, lips ghosting over Jensen’s again.  
  
“Okay,” Jensen breathes, forcing himself to pull away. “Go on in, ‘m just gonna make sure everything’s locked up and I’ll be there in a second.”  
  
Once they’re both standing, Jared pulls Jensen into his arms, his eyes dark and lust-blown. “Hurry,” he damn-near purrs.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Licking his lips, Jared forces himself to pull away from Jensen, almost laughing at the shell-shocked look on his boyfriend’s face. He throws one last look at Jensen over his shoulder, biting down softly on his bottom lip. Fuck, but the man is ridiculously gorgeous, both inside and out, and Jared doesn’t know what he did to deserve someone like Jensen but he’s sure as shit going to stop second guessing it.   
  
He hurries into their bedroom, striping off clothes as he moves. He grabs the lube and sets in one the table on Jensen’s side and dims the lights, snorting to himself at just how cheesy and cliché that is, but fuck it. They both deserve a night of cheesy, clichéd romance.   
  
He stretches out on the mattress, turned on his side, his head resting on one fisted hand, facing the door. Jensen stops abruptly just inside the room, his eyes wide as he looks around before settling on Jared. “Hi,” Jared whispers, biting down on his bottom lip again. He’s not used to doing shit like this, even with Jensen. And suddenly, he’s incredibly freaking nervous. What if Jensen doesn’t want this anymore?   
  
Thankfully, before he can freak out any further, Jensen seems to get his head out of his ass and stalks across the room, striping as he goes, carelessly tossing clothes everywhere. By the time he climbs up onto the mattress, he’s completely naked, his cock already mostly hard and curving up toward his abs. “Jesus Christ,” he mutters, wrapping one arm around Jared’s waist as Jared rolls onto his back. Jensen leans down sliding their lips together, slow and deep and thorough.   
  
Jared pulls away from the kiss with a gasp, his eyes fluttering open, locking with Jensen’s. “I want you,” he whispers, feels nerves creeping up his spine. But he forces it down. He does want Jensen again, wants to be able to put this behind them and move on.  
  
Jensen searches his eyes quietly for a few long moments. “Are you sure?” he asks softly, his hand coming up to brush the hair back off Jared’s forehead.  
  
“Yeah,” Jared breathes. “I mean… if you do.”  
  
Jensen smiles, shaking his head. “Of course I do, don’t be silly. I just… I wanna make sure that you’re okay with it.”  
  
Jared licks his lips and leans up, capturing Jensen’s in a slow, sensual kiss. “’m sure, Jen,” he says softly, words smeared against Jensen’s lips.   
  
“Okay,” Jensen agrees. “But if it gets to be too much…”  
  
“I’ll tell you,” Jared interrupts gently. He smiles up at Jensen, his thumb brushing over his spit-slick, plump bottom lip. “I love you, Jensen, so much. And I… I just wanna put it behind us. Just like you said. This is our future. You and me.”  
  
“I love you, too,” Jensen says around a smile, dipping down to kiss Jared once more.   
  
Jensen takes his time, kissing down Jared’s jaw, to his neck, shoulders, nipping at his collar bones, sucking and licking at each nipple in turn, down the midline of his chest. By the time Jensen gets to his abs, Jared’s hard enough to cut glass, the ache in his cock bordering on painful and he’s on the verge of tears. “Please,” he gasps, his head thrashing back and forth on the pillow, his hands curled into white-knuckled fists in the bedsheet. “God, Jensen… Please…”  
  
Jensen – infuriating, sexy fucker that he is – ignores Jared, and Jared’s straining cock, and dips his head, mouthing over Jared’s balls, the sensitive skin behind. He pushes gently against the back of his thighs and Jared doesn’t even hesitate, grabs the back of his own knees and exposes himself completely. Even though he was expecting it, the first swipe of Jensen’s tongue around his rim still causes Jared to jerk, a low cry tearing from his lips. Jensen pauses, one hand smoothing over his hip, waiting for Jared to calm down.   
  
Jared exhales slowly and relaxes back against the mattress. “Sorry,” he whispers.  
  
Jensen pulls away, looking up at Jared and shakes his head. “Don’t apologize, sweetheart,” Jensen says softly. “’s okay. You wanna keep goin’?”  
  
“Yeah,” Jared breathes, forcing himself to let go of the death-grip he has on his own knees. “’m good.”  
  
Jensen smiles and presses a sweet, chaste kiss to the inside of Jared’s thigh before dipping back down between his legs. He’s prepared for it the second time but it still sends a shockwave through his whole body. He loses track of how long Jensen merely licks and sucks and nips around his rim, never once dipping inside, but his whole body is trembling with want and he feels sloppy-wet down there. He barely registers Jensen slipping the tip of his finger inside, only knows that it’s not enough – not by a long-shot – and he wants more and he wants it now.  
  
“Jensen,” he half-whines, half-commands. “Please… Fuck. More. I need more.”  
  
Jensen hums in agreement – his lips and tongue still pressing against Jared’s entrance and the vibrations shoot up his spine like lightning – and pushes his finger in all the way. Jensen takes his time, methodically prepping Jared one finger at a time, that wickedly talented tongue wiggling inside and around, and Jared doesn’t honestly think he can take it anymore. His cock is flushed an angry-red and is leaking like a busted faucet and he knows without a doubt if either of them laid a finger on it, he’d come until he passes out – it’s a damn-near thing already even without touch.  
  
Finally –  _fucking finally_  – Jensen pulls away, swiping one hand over his chin and a tremor wracks Jared’s whole body. Fuck, but that shouldn’t be so Goddamn hot. He watches silently as Jensen reaches over and grabs the lube, notices the slight shake of Jensen’s hands as he slicks himself up and realizes he’s not the only one on edge, not the only one that this is a big deal to. He sits up enough to grab Jensen by the back of the neck and pulls him into a breathtaking, soul-searing kiss. “I love you,” Jared whispers against Jensen’s lips. “’s okay.”  
  
Jensen leans forward, their foreheads resting together, their noses brushing. “I love you, too,” he rasps. He swallows thickly and pulls away, letting Jared lie back down. “You ready?”  
  
“Yeah,” Jared breathes.  
  
He tries his best not to tense up at the first push but as soon as the head of Jensen’s cock breaches his entrance, Jared’s whole body clamps down. Jensen inhales sharply and brings one shaky hand up, smoothing the hair back off Jared’s face. “’s okay, baby,” he says softly. “’s just me, Jay. C’mon, love. Open your eyes. Look at me.”  
  
Jared does as he’s told – hadn’t even realized that his eyes were closed – and he sees Jensen right there, his eyes full of love and devotion. Jared inhales deeply and he feels his body relax, focuses on the smile curling up Jensen’s kiss-bruised lips and the light dancing in those emerald-green depths. “There you go, sweetheart,” Jensen coos.   
  
It takes a few stops and starts but eventually Jensen’s buried to the hilt. He shoves his arms under Jared’s shoulders, his fingers fitting into the hollows of Jared’s collar bones like he was made specifically for Jensen, for his touch. He wraps his arms around Jensen’s broad shoulders, his thighs squeezing Jensen’s hips. “’m okay,” Jared breathes. “’s okay. Move, babe.”  
  
Jensen dips his head in a nod and slowly pulls back then pushes in again, setting a slow, even rhythm that Jared easily picks up. Soon, it’s like no time has passed and they’re moving together like they did the months before everything fell apart.   
  
Jensen shifts his hips, his cock hitting Jared’s prostate perfectly and Jared cries out, his short, blunt nails raking down Jensen’s back as his own back arches off the mattress as best as he can beneath Jensen’s weight. “Shit,” he gasps. “Fuck, Jen, right there.”   
  
Jensen keeps that perfect angle until Jared’s begging for more, harder, faster. Jensen complies with every request and demand, both of them clinging to each other like the world would end if they let go. Jared’s release creeps up on him, nothing but the friction of Jensen’s toned abs rubbing against the underside of his cock on every perfect thrust. His orgasm is almost painful, his warm sticky release painting the miniscule space between them as he cries out Jensen’s name. He’s vaguely aware of Jensen following right behind, his boyfriend slamming forward one last time, a low growl of Jared’s name smeared against his lips as his rhythm goes erratic, hips jerking against Jared as he comes deep inside.  
  
They’re both panting harshly when Jensen collapses completely against Jared’s chest, his face buried in the sweaty curve of Jared’s neck. Jared exhales shakily and rubs one hand down Jensen’s back, feels the muscles still trembling under his touch. “You okay, babe?” Jared rasps.  
  
Jensen chuckles softly, the sound vibrating through both their bodies, and Jared groans, his whole body still over-sensitive. Jensen pulls his head back enough to look at Jared. “Shouldn’t I be askin’ you that?”  
  
Jared smiles and reaches up, his fingers smoothing down the side of Jensen’s face. “’m great,” he whispers.  
  
~~~~~~  
  
Jensen glances at his watch, frowning slightly. Jared’s running late. Which is extremely unusual for his boyfriend. Heading back through the house, he stops at their open bedroom door and leans against the frame. Jared’s standing in front of the mirror, dressed and ready to go, but his head is bowed and Jensen can see from the reflection in the mirror that he’s staring at the scar on his wrist, index finger of his other hand slowly dragging over the barely-visible white line.   
  
It’s been a year, but sometimes, Jared still retreats into himself, goes into a place in his mind that Jensen doesn’t know about, can’t reach him. He understands, Jared will live with the mental and physical scars of what happened to him for the rest of his life, it just makes Jensen sad – and angry – that there’s nothing he can really do to help Jared through the tough times.  
  
He supposes that Genevieve getting married counts as a tough time.   
  
Pushing himself off the frame, he enters their room and wraps his arms around Jared’s waist. To the younger man’s credit, he barely flinches. “Hey,” Jensen whispers, leaning up to press a kiss to the skin behind Jared’s ear. Jared’s taller than him now by nearly three inches, broad and strong, and seems to not be done growing yet. But when he looks up and catches Jensen’s eyes in the mirror, Jensen can still see that lost little boy.   
  
“Hey,” Jared sighs, dropping his arms, his hands sliding over Jensen’s where they’re spread across his flat belly. “Sorry, kinda lost track’a time.”  
  
“No worries, love,” Jensen assures, nuzzling his nose in the hair hanging over the back of Jared’s neck. “You sure you’re okay to do this?”  
  
“’course,” Jared replies quickly. “She’s m’best friend, Jen, aside from you. I have’ta be there.” Jensen raises one eyebrow and Jared sighs. “I don’t know why, okay? ‘s just… This is harder than I thought it’d be. I like Steve, a lot. And I know he loves Gen but it just… So much has changed,” Jared ends on a whisper.   
  
“But they’re all good changes, right?” Jensen asks softly.  
  
“Yeah,” Jared sighs, leaning his head to the side, his temple resting against Jensen’s. “I guess I just don’t do so good with change.”  
  
Jensen snorts a laugh and squeezes his arms around Jared’s middle. “Really? I hadn’t noticed that about you.”  
  
“Smartass.”  
  
Jensen shrugs and turns his head enough to press a kiss to Jared’s temple. “C’mon, sweetheart. Don’t wanna be late.”  
  
The ceremony is beautiful and so is Gen. Jared cries when he gives her away. Jensen curls his arm around Jared’s shoulder and pulls him against his side while they watch Gen and Steve exchange their vows. The reception is at the bar – of course – and they spend the night laughing and drinking and dancing with their friends.   
  
Jared’s drained, practically dead on his feet, as Jensen helps him into the house and over to the couch. “Jen,” Jared whines. “Wanna go’ta bed. ‘m tired.”  
  
“I know, baby,” Jensen whispers. “Just… Gimme a few minutes, ‘kay? There’s something I’ve been wantin’ to do for a while now but I didn’t wanna take away from Gen and Steve’s moment.”  
  
Jared frowns and flails one hand at him. “Fine, do what you want, but don’t bitch at me if ‘m asleep durin’ it.”  
  
Jensen smiles and presses a kiss to the tip of Jared’s nose, laughing softly when Jared wrinkles it. “Be right back.”  
  
His hands shake as he grabs the box out of his dresser drawer, the same one he’s had for over a year. Jared’s eyes are closed when he gets back to the living room and he’s tempted to wait. But he honestly can’t stand to wait any longer, he’s been holding off for all this time.   
  
“Baby,” he whispers, sliding one hand through Jared’s hair. Sleepy hazel eyes flutter open and Jared turns his head enough to look at Jensen. “You know I love you,” Jensen starts softly, taking Jared’s hand in his own. “And we’ve been through so much together. I… I wouldn’t be the man I am today if it wasn’t for you.” He pauses and flips open the box. “Marry me?”  
  
Jared studies his eyes for a moment – all trace of exhaustion gone – before dropping to the black velvet box in Jensen’s palm. “Jen,” he whispers, his eyes snapping back up to Jensen’s. “I… Fuck, I don’t… Really?”  
  
Jensen chuckles softly and presses a quick kiss to the side of Jared’s lips. “Yeah, really.”  
  
“Yes,” Jared whispers, so low Jensen barely hears it. Tears pool in those mesmerizing, ever-changing hazel depths and a smile breaks out across his face, digging his dimples in deep. “Yes, of course,” he says again, louder.  
  
Both of their hands are trembling when Jensen slides the ring on Jared’s finger and Jensen has tears in his eyes as well when Jared practically tackles him back against the couch. This may not have been where Jensen thought he’d end up but it’s sure as hell where he wants to be.


End file.
